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Confused Dad Mothers I need your advise urgently

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 21st, 2012, 04:47 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
Dear Mothers

I am sure your wondering why a is posting on a mommy orientated website. Reason I am doing this because I need to hear from you what I should do regarding my son. Some of you may judge me and your more than welcome to do that..I am just being transparent and telling you what happened.

Here is the short version of events.

Date of Intercourse: November 27,2005
Date of childs Birth: September 27 2006
Recorded Pregnancy Term After Birth: 38 Weeks
Actual Pregnancy Term: 45 weeks or 10 full months and 10 days into the 11 months
Weight of child: 2.7 kg No record of a Post term pregnancy.
2 DNA test completed: First Lab Results made a mistake on my ethnicity , Bot DNA labs refuse to give me full report on the test that was compiled. Ignores my emails.
Ex stolen pregnancy profile from hospital and hiding it from me and the court to be used as evidence

Now if you want to read my Full story you can do so upon request. But right I what like to share my situation.

As stated before I have taken 2 dna tests. The reason I requested these test was to due to the fact that none of the dates was adding up and the ex (Shirley) lied to me about her whole pregnancy. When I first found out she was pregnant, every month I would ask her what did the doctor say about your due date...and she would always reply " August" . This made sense to me as its a normal term of 9 months. She stays in south africa and that following June I went back home to the U.S. So I was not able to be there when our son was born.

A few year later when I came back she told me our son was Born September 27 ,2006. I didnt know about pregnancy but I later found out that this was to long. So when I questions her about her pregnancy term, She first said 9 months...Then I told here from the dates we slept together it was 10.5 months...Then she said" Oh pregnancy is 10 months ..its your baby" I demanded to see her pregnancy profile and when looked threw it revealed things that shocked me!

I found out she was pregnant in 2002. It documented that she was unsure of dates of conception and most importantly it documented she had a 38 Week Pregnancy! This means she conceived in mid January. Then when I asked her about her pregnancy again...She went back to saying 9 months. She couldn't even remember the month we slept in and she would refuse to count 38 weeks backward

On my second court date... I appealed the Maintenance order as I had overwhelming evidence that she conceived in January and not November 2005. They extended the court date till April 16 2012 which give me time to investigate further.

Doing so I found who could be the potential father. I went back to the judge and showed her this evidence and I showed her that Shirley lied to her about her due date as I had her explain to the judge when she discovered her due date. She explained to the judge that the only discovered her due date on in June as she never seen a docter for the first 6 months of her pregnancy. When she saw the doctor this is when he told her the due date of September 27 2006. You see since she was 38 weeks she was "early" and she still had 2 weeks to hit her due date which is on October 11 2006. If she hit her due date @ 40 weeks...this would have been the longest pregnancy recorded. It would have been 1 week shy a full 11 months. I am sorry but I cant convince myself that she was pregnant this long..only elephants do this. After I showed this to the judge, she offered to give me a third test...I didnt ask for this but she was pregnant to and she could see that I wasn't doing this to avoid my responsibility but I was doing this because I just want certainty.

She wont let me see his birth certificate, she makes every excuse not for me to visit my son. She ignores all my questions and lies about EVERYTHING... I had to force her to let me spend 1 hour with my son . In doing so I felt so bad because as I am trying to bond with him my heart and soul knows he is not from my blood. I wish I could just lift him up and see a slight reflection of myself. But unfortunately nothing is there. In fact when I show people the picture I get to reactions...They either laugh in shock or they say" this kid is not your baby". As a man this is not nice. I hate the fact I cant even walk down the street and people cant even recognize me as the father.

My questions to you Mommies are:

1. Whats more important to you, a father being just a paycheck or being emotionally involved in the kids life

2. Should I not spend time with my son intl I get my third test done...If and when the results are different I dont want the little guy to get confused..as he will not understand.

3. Can you tell me if you see any similarities with me and my son and the alleged father ( I found the father via the ex's connection on facebook. He has the same name as my son "Emmanual" he goes by the same nick name " Manni" and he lived in Johannesburg where the ex visited after our son was born.....and I asked about this recently she couldnt remember any of her family members since it was 5 years ago.)

This is a pick of my son goo.gl/fM4Aq

This is a pick of the real father goo.gl/zdwIi

This is me

Thanks for your time!

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March 23rd, 2012, 07:06 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 12
Non of the pictures worked... but if you are attached to this boy... It would be more important for the father to be involved then a paycheck... This is clearly bothering you or u wouldn't be here. I would suggest u initiate a DNA test so u get the results... They can be fairly cheap or pretty expensive... Look around... But make sure u get the results. It's not unreasonable in any circumstance to ask when y'all are seperated and not married... I woulnt really be all that secretive and offended... I would want to prove u wrong.... But if you are attached maybe it best left alone?
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March 23rd, 2012, 07:37 PM
Co Host - July 2011 PR
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 946
It's more important for a father to be there emotionally for their children. You have to ask yourself this, do you want to be there for this little boy whether you're the father or not? I think it's important for you to find out but at the same time if you're just going to dissapear from the childs life then you might want to start limitting your contact with him now, for his sake.
The dates don't seem right, I agree with you that it does seem really weird and off.
Hopefully you can find the answers you are looking for. Good luck.
Thank you tasha_mae for my beautiful siggy!

Proud mama to 10 month old, Charlie <3 !
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March 27th, 2012, 09:01 PM
Alaska Baby14's Avatar Gonna be a family of 4!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Eagle River, Alaska
Posts: 1,390
This is tricky, as I say being there for the child is most important, but I also think you should get a DNA test to settle the uncertainties.. my father is not my biological father but he still made the decision to be my father, but at the same time he knows and I know that he is not my blood, but I dont love him any differently. Good luck!
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