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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 30th, 2012, 02:29 AM
vhh vhh is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3
Hi. I guess I should introduce myself by saying that I'm 23 years old and that I just found out I'm pregnant by my best friend. Not boyfriend. Just best friend.

He wants an abortion very badly, and my entire life I always said that if this happened, I wanted one too. I'm not saying that has changed, just that I seem to be having some thoughts that are throwing me off balance. Even though I have never wanted to be a "mom", and still don't, I can't help but imagining the baby. What it will look like, how it will feel to hold it, seeing it look into my eyes.

At this point in time, it would be catastrophic to have this baby. I just graduated college, and am unemployed. I have 3 years, and $200,000, of law school ahead of me, and as I stated before, no maternal urge.

Even though this is all true. It also bugs me to a certain degree that the father isn't having these same kinds of niggling doubts.

I guess my question would be if these doubts are significant enough to make me really consider keeping the baby, or if they're just fleeting fancy caused by hormonal imbalance. If anybody has had, or knows of people who have had, this same kind of dilemma, I would very much appreciate the input.
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March 31st, 2012, 07:54 PM
YumPickles's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 330
Your body is chemically wired to reproduce (yay hormones!). It's very possible that the amp up in hormones pregnancy causes would make the reproduction urge more intense.

I hope you are able to make your decision! I think it is very normal to have doubts, and you really do have to weigh the pros and cons. A baby really is life changing, and your hopes and dreams end up taking a backseat. Its not impossible to reach your goals after a child, but it is more difficult.

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April 3rd, 2012, 10:46 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,323
While I was not in the same position as you, I wanted to tell you that you can go to school and have a baby at the same time. I just finished my PhD after 5.5 years of being a full time student, working full time in my professional job (speech-language pathologist) and while having 3 kids in that time frame! You can definitely acquire student insurance (all schools require students to have insurance) if you can't remain on your parents insurance (which you may be able to do since you are still going to school full time). I did have the advantage of having my husband's help/support but you can definitely work things out if you want to have this baby. My plans did not get put on hold. It took me about a year longer than I would have like but I did it.
It is never easy - no matter what your situation - go for whatever is in your heart. Good luck.

February, 2005
August, 2005
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April 3rd, 2012, 12:33 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4
Hi vhh. You are certainly facing a lot of decisions right now...and along with the wonderful pregnancy hormones that come with it....just makes it especially hard. Consider yourself hugged through the computer screen!!

Totally understandable that you are feeling conflicted about what to do. As a mom, I have to admit, that I'm on the pro-life side of the fence on this one..I found it such a mysterious and wonderful thing to follow the baby's growth throughout pregnancy, and dream about what he/she would looke like...etc.....it was just incredible to me. So...just know that I can't give you an unbiased answer :-) Understandibly, my situation was much different from what you are facing, and I haven't walked in your shoes. BUT...that being said, I would encourage you to take a deep breath, don't panic, and thoroughly look at all the options you have before making your final decision.

There's very likely a pregnancy resource center in your area...contacting them would at least give you some help with making the decision and walking with you through the pregnancy, should you decide to keep the baby, or even give him/her up for adoption. Their national number is 800-712-HELP.

I truly wish you the best as you process your decision. Keep us posted! We're here for you.
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April 3rd, 2012, 05:00 PM
Ali and Jillybeans mom :)
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hemlock, NY
Posts: 1,663
i agree with the fact that you can go to school full time and have a baby. i have a 5 year old and am 7 months pregnant and i also work full time. its hard but it is possible. as far as not being sure rather you want the baby or not being a parent is one of the most rewarding things i have ever done in my life. i had my daughter young and it changed my life completely! i was not in the best situation when i got pregnant but i made it work. it is a hard decision to make but if you choose to keep the baby it could be the best decision you have ever made you never know. good luck. i hope you make the decision that is the best for you.
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April 5th, 2012, 07:05 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4
Hi there vhh...just checking in to see how you're doing? Take care!
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April 5th, 2012, 08:37 PM
vhh vhh is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3
Hi. Thanks for the responses everyone. I think I've decided not to go through with it. What I didn't mention in the first post, is that I myself, grew up without a father and I saw how my mom had to struggle. A couple days ago I mentioned to my "best friend"/father of the child the thoughts that I was having, and he freaked out. Called my thoughts "creepy" and completely erased me from his life. Since I myself never really wanted children anyway, I don't think it would be fair to a child to have a mother who is lukewarm toward him, and a father who doesn't want to know anything about him. While I do still have lingering doubts, I feel like it's the best thing I could possibly do. I appreciate everyone's support
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April 5th, 2012, 10:32 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 7
I'm trying to PM you but maybe I don't have enough posts or something, I can't find the option.

We have similar posts and bottom line similar experiences right now, and while you will make the right decision for you I think giving yourself some more time wouldn't hurt.

I have a boyfriend, friend, wh atever he is, that is very unsupportive of the pregnancy. I myself, am not on board with it yet, but after researching the hell out of abortion I don't think I can do it. That being said, one thing that someone said to me that really stuck out was: pregnancy or not - is this guy really going to be in your life forever? And that's not even the major ideal. The actual point is that you can't base a life decision - your life and the baby's - off of anyone but yourself. Taking the relationship with the father into account really isn't the bottom line for your choice. Or at least, it shouldn't be. This guy who knocked me up if you will really does not want to be a father right now, if ever. I may not be giving him the chance but I'm giving the baby something else. At least, that is what I'm preparing myself to do, God willing.

I don't know, I'm having a hard time with a scenario just like yours so I feel like I'm talking to myself here too. I just hope that in the end when you decide, it's YOUR decision for YOU, not because of some guy who won't man up. It's your choice, not his. (Or your fathers. And I grew up without one of those too, I might add! )

You'll make a good solid choice for yourself, girlie. <3
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April 8th, 2012, 04:37 AM
~ Nicole ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,925
I had an unplanned pregnancy at 18 and have known many others who have had unplanned or unwanted pregnancies and I can tell you that those who choose to have their babies never regret it. You may think you never want children or maybe you do not feel maternal now but once you have your baby there is usually a very special feeling when you see him or her. When I think of abortion I always tell myself "that could have been me or something I now know and love". I think if people could actually live in the future momentarly and see the child in the future and find out who they would be I think way less people would have abortions. I have thought about having an abortion before and its all too easy to just imagine this person is not real or does not exist. Now I have two children and both my DH and I feel guilty for ever considering abortion and cant imagine our children not getting their right to life. If you have an abortion than have second thoughts you can never go back but if you continue your pregnancy you can always choose adoption later. You might be surprised to find you really love your baby once born and if not there are so many couples who would be so thankful to you for having your child for adoption. I think its sad that so many people choose abortions over adoption because they think adoption will be too hard emotionally. Either decision you make is going that have its own emotional struggles. And you can still complete school even with a child. My DH completes several degress. It took him a little longer but he did it. Ultimatly it is your decision but if you are feeling at all like you might want to keep your child I would not have an abortion out of fear of the future. Like I said very rare that people keep their child and regret it. The best thing to do is to seperate yourself from this guy and take some time to make the decision for yourself. If you need someone to talk to about your feelings talk to a couselor or your female friends. If he is acting this unsupportive to you now that you are pregnant than I would not even want him as a friend after this. My cousin's father left her when she was a baby and never came back in her life but her mother remarried when she was 3 years and the new man became her father and she has had a wonderful life. So even if this guy is a bum doesnt mean your child would have a bad life or have to grow up without a father. Most men will date women with a child and often even take on the father role.

Me(35) DS(12) DS(14)

Last edited by ~ Nicole ~; April 8th, 2012 at 04:45 AM.
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