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UPDATE: Contemplating Abortion....

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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May 11th, 2012, 08:50 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8

Ok, so my husband came home from his trip and he really didn't want to discuss anything. He kept saying to do what I want and that is not what I need to hear. So, I took it upon myself and made the decision to keep the baby. Well, I could see a huge difference in my husband since then, extrem moodiness, nasty to all of us here. WE had discussed that I would do the same for my other kids...I would stay home with the baby (I am home now too).....he was fine with it....so, today over lunch he starts with me about not working and that I "don't want" to work.....I told him this was discussed that I would not put my baby in daycare and that why work if my whole paycheck would go to a daycare! I told him that I could find something a few nights....he just went off on me like a crazy person! I told him why he didn't tell me this earlier, nowI am almost 8 weeks pregnant......he pretty much was expressing to me his anger over the pregnancy when he is the one who got me pregnant.....I told him that maybe we should get an abortion....and he told me to do it...I told him that he has to take me and to drive me home and he told me "no, take a cab"! I was in tears the rest of the day.......we don't really have a very stable relationship to begin with but now it is worse......he has not been supportive through this whole pregnancy....never once asked "how do you feel?........knowing that I have been so sick..........so, I am so confused now and extremely upset over this......he hasn't even talked to me since......

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If you plan on posting negative and hurtful comments to this post, please move on. I am on here because I am in a time of need and need serious advice....Thank you.

I am married with 2 chidren. I have a teenager and a 6yr old. I just found out that I am pregnant again. This was devasting news! We did not want any more esp now that the kids are getting older.

We live in a very small house, really no room for a crib or anything, Our home is very cramped not to mention we have 2 pets as well.

I am comtemplating on getting an abortion. The thought of this makes me sick but I feel like I have no options....our finances are not good, our home is too small and I don't want to take anything (emotionally) away from my 2 kids, esp my 6 yr old who is the baby of the house. Not to mention all of our furniture and everything we own is only fit for 4 people.

I don't even understand how I got pregnant because I was on the pill, so it's not like were were being unresponsible and now want an abortion. My husband dosen't know I feel this way, he is away on business half way across the world now and won't be back until the end of this month. I know he will say to do what I feel is right. I don't know what is right.....I feel horrible removing a baby since we have a family but I don't want to bring a baby into this world if I am not 100% sure I want it. I know I must sound really horriblel right now, trust me I feel horrible just typing this but I really need some serious advice here. I feel so alone cause I can't really tell anyone....Sometimes I wish I would just miscarry so that I wouldn't have to make a decison....again, I know i sound horrible!!

Please help me in any way you can but please do not insult me as I am already hurting .....Thanks!:cry

Last edited by mom113; May 28th, 2012 at 04:18 PM.
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May 11th, 2012, 11:07 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 680
I found out I was pregnant, on the pill no less, 9 months into a new relationship with my now DH. Our relationship was not in any shape to be bringing a child in. We had a very rocky start! I had recently gotten divorced and already had 2 wonderful boys from my marriage. I never ever thought I would contemplate abortion but in my heart of hearts I felt like it was my only option too. I went ahead with it and to be perfectly honest, and I am in no way trying to sway you either way, I regret it everyday! I know there are women who feel like it's a great decision and their lives are better because of it, but I live with the pain everyday. DH and I went on to get married and started trying for our 1st together a few months later and I got pg on our first cycle. A year later I found out I was pg again. A year after we had our little girl I found out I was pg again with another little girl. It is not easy to raise 5 kids on one income in a small house but we make it work. Nothing is taken away from any of the kids. We find ways to get the things they want and always make sure they have what they need even if we have to go without.
This is just my situation. Only you can decide what is right for you. I hope this helps you and I wish you all the best in your decision!
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May 12th, 2012, 07:58 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8
Thank you......Can i ask how you do it with the sleeping arrangements? How old are your kids?
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May 16th, 2012, 11:02 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 680
We have the two younger boys bunked together and the two girls together. Our 13 year old has his own room. It's tight but they only sleep in their rooms anyway. Our kids are 13, 9, 4, 2, and 8 months.
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May 24th, 2012, 08:43 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3
I'm 37, just started an awesome job, have three kids, 10, 8 and 6, our insurance sucks now and no spare room for another (we're bursting at the seams now). I was so excited to finally have my baby starting 1st grade in the fall and no longer having to spend money on after school care plus we just got rid of our van and now have two vehicles that won't hold more than the 5 of us. I've only known for a week that number 4 may be on it's way and I'm freaking out. I'm still trying to figure out how this happened (the condoms didn't break so what gives). I'm glad to know there are others who have these same mixed feelings. I'm scared and I'm freaking out!

Mom113, Talk to your husband before you make any decisions. Mine surprisingly is super excited and being very supportive. He keeps reminding me that this is meant to be since we were using contraception and got pregnant. I know what you are struggling with and can understand that this is a hard decision for you. I was lying in bed snuggling with my 6 yr old daughter this evening and realized how I freaked out when I saw the + on the pregnancy test for her (my boys were planned and she was a birthday surprise) and now here she is, this bossy little diva that I would be lost without.

Also, have you considered adoption? I was adopted as a baby and my parents still talk about what a wonderful gift my birth mother gave them.

And, I too have wished I would miscarry. Anytime I start cramping, I rush to the bathroom to see if anything is going on. I haven't even called the doctor yet. I'm going to give it another week. I've miscarried twice in the past around the 7 week mark. But if it's meant to be, it will be.

I wish you the best of luck. (((hugs)))
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May 25th, 2012, 04:14 AM
justjaQ's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sterling Heights, MI
Posts: 19,640
you DON'T sound horrible. i have had an abortion-- it was forced, and it devastated me emotionally-- it's been 4 years and i still grieve; always will. however, i am fiercely pro-choice, and if i were in your situation, i would absolutely consider it-- as long as it's my/your choice, that is what's key. we can't give you a yes or a no here, but know that it's your body, and you are not obligated to share it with anyone. hugs, hon-- i do know how you feel. hope everything works out for the best, in the least painful way.
msjaQ- 28, pantheist AP detroit mama to:
timothy michael, august 31, 2003, 12:02pm, 8 lb. 4 oz., 21"- 38 wks.
melissa may, april 7, 2006, 1:31pm, 7 lb. 10.5 oz., 19.5"- 36.5 wks
nicholas michael, january 31, 2010, 5:12pm, 5 lb. 11 oz., 18.25"- 37.1 wks
damon michael, january 21, 2012, 1:31am, 6 lb. 14 oz., 20", 38 wks
rainbow baby left me at 6-1/2 weeks on 09.08.12~ never forgotten, sweet child

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May 26th, 2012, 10:53 PM
.:Kati:.'s Avatar kyler's mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: memphis,TN
Posts: 930
Sorry you're going through this. If you feel the baby isn't wanted or you wont be able to love it. Then yes abortion or adoption would be okay in this situation. Do what you feel is best for you and your family.

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