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Please give me some advice here with my unplanned pregnancy situation

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 1 Post By mama3o
  • 1 Post By Alaska Baby14
  • 1 Post By deniumchick

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May 18th, 2012, 07:43 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1
I plan on keeping my baby, I have to live with my grandparents they have a very big house and a very nice neighborhood and are going to give the baby their own bedroom until I finish nursing school I have to go for two more years.

I feel very badly because i'm 22 FOB is 21 he was supportive at first planned everything out said how much he wanted to meet baby even did things liked kiss my belly he is very family orientated. Then suddenly changed his mind and said he didn't want to be a dad he was really set on it before was even buying me groceries and to make sure I ate healthy things telling me how he already loves the baby.

Father of babies parents came to visit me over a week ago talked with me and my mom said they wanted to be a part of the babies life and be grandparents. They are coming to my baby shower and are planning to meet baby for the first time in the hospital. But they told me that FOB has run away with a bag and debit card and has gone out of town they aren't sure where but that he has been very unstable for awhile and they have tried to get him help but he refused. I also agree that he has been very unstable over the years i'v known him along time. He has never been violent of anything just unstable in the sense that he will decide one thing for awhile and change his mind all the time or move from town to town and move back and move away again kind of thing.

It hurts me because i'm keeping LO but am I making a horrible choice by doing so in this situation with no help or support from FOB I can't apply for child support since I don't know where he is. I know he changes his mind alot and moves around alot but I'm not even sure if FOB will ever decide he wants to meet LO.... How can he not be curious?
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May 18th, 2012, 08:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,249
I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a terrible time during your pregnancy. I hope that in some way you get the chance to cherish your pregnancy. I had an unplanned pregnancy about 14 years ago and spent the entire time stressed out. I never got the chance to enjoy my son. I've recently had two more babies and really regret that I couldn't enjoy my first. Maybe you can try to stay hopeful that he will come around eventually, especially since he has always been so family oriented. Maybe he has it in him still and just needs to come to terms on his own. I know that is selfish of him, since you can't run away. However, you've already decided what you want and you know who you are and that this is something you are going to do. If he doesn't come around, you and your family and his parents included will be enough. Loving the baby is what matters the most. All you have control over is the amount of love you show the baby. Good luck!! I am sure your baby will be fine!!!
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May 19th, 2012, 09:36 PM
Alaska Baby14's Avatar Gonna be a family of 4!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Eagle River, Alaska
Posts: 1,390
Just throwing my 2cents in here.. but it sounds like you are a strong girl and have it together!!! Dont sell yourself short in any way! You can do this!
My sisters FOB of her 1st sounds very much like your FOB.. he comes and goes as he pleases, is very unstable, in and out of jail, doesnt pay child support.. but you know what.. my niece is better off without him! She doesn't need that type of person as a role model. I dont want her thinking that his life style is okay, because its not. I dont understand how a man can not want to be a part of something so beautiful, but some people are just missing that part of them and they dont even realize it.

You'll make it, with or without him!
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May 24th, 2012, 09:03 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 31
You can raise your baby without a father coz I think you are going to be a brave and good mom. Your family is very supportive.
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May 24th, 2012, 10:20 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 9
blue_star, I first want to say -- good for you for keeping your baby! What a blessing too that you and LO are able to live with your grandparents while you finish nursing school!

My heart does ache for you about what you told us about the FOB. It is obvious that you care very much for him. I wish I could give you a hug. Hey, I realize that you are struggling with all of these conflicting feelings about whether it is better or not to have him in your baby's life. It is great that you are expressing your emotions here and finding support.

I do know it does help to share how you're feeling and hope you'll continue to reach out to others. Can I make a suggestion? I know from my time working with Focus on the Family that there are counselors who will talk to you over the phone for free. They're very kind and understanding and really want to help. You just call 1-855-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. (MT).

Just some thoughts...praying for you and your precious little one...
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