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Information on how to talk to the fathers of unplanned pregnancies????

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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June 7th, 2012, 11:49 AM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1
Has anyone else noticed that nearly every advice site for unplanned pregnancy is geared toward women? Obviously it is our body and ultimately our choice on how to proceed once an unplanned pregnancy is discovered, but there is no advice for how to talk to the dad. How do you make him feel like his opinion matters even if you don't agree on the course of action? How do you react to extreme negativity from him? How do you be there and be understanding in spite of your own panic and anxieties? How can you help him understand that you do care about how this affects his life?

I'm coming up with all of these questions because I recently found out I am pregnant and it was completely unexpected. The dad and I weren't even dating, it was a friends with benefits situation. We are good friends but we have only known each other for six months. This is a huge unexpected life altering occurrence. I am keeping the baby barring a medically necessary termination. He is having a complete meltdown about not being ready to have a child and not wanting to have a child this way. I do understand his fears, because many of them are my own. I do not have a clue how to communicate this to him effectively.

Like any other rational caring person, I want him to find a way to be ok with this. I don't care if he doesn't want to be part of it, even to the point where I will never ask for child support. I am perfectly capable of doing this entirely on my own. He doesn't see that as a viable option though. I don't see it as being any different from adoption aside from it being a single parent environment.

I am really confused, the dad is someone I care about and could develop a relationship with. I just don't think he is capable of taking that route.

Anyone out there have advice or know of resources that might help me find a way to help him cope with this better than he has been?
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June 7th, 2012, 08:37 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4
Hi NellieAlex. I commend you for making the choice to keep the baby, even though it scares you....understandably so!! I've run across several resources that came to mind as I read your post.

1) I'm assuming you've enlisted support from a Pregnancy Resource Center in your area? They will offer a lot of help throughout the pregnancy. Not sure how much they deal with fathers-to-be...but they may also know of other leads on that, too. You can find one in your area by calling 800-712-HELP.

2) You're right...often the information and support is geared to the moms-to-be, and there's not a lot of things specifically for the fathers. There's an organization called "Guys For Life". They have a mentoring system, where they match up the dad-to-be with a mentor to help answer questions, talk through decisions, etc. I don't know if your guy would be willing to even check this out....but in case...you can google them at "Guys For Life".

3) At the very least, he (or you) may want to talk to a professional counselor who can offer some perspective on decisions, and help with future plans. Through my workplace (Focus on the Family), I know you can call and speak with a professional counselor for free. The number is 855-771-4357.

So...just some thoughts/ideas for you. It's hard that you really can't control his involvement in the child's life....but regardless of his decisions, you sound like a strong and brave woman - you can do this!

Take good care of yourself and that precious little one!!
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