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done having kids and found out your pregnant...outcome

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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August 6th, 2012, 03:09 PM
sandel07's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 407
I have 2 sons who are 12 and 14. I then had 6 losses, the last 3 were with MA. After the last one in Feb I started to think that maybe I should just be done...after some time I decided I am done and I dont want anymore children. I planned to discuss tubal ligation on Aug 1st at my annual visit. Well Suprise on July 16th I had a positive pregnancy test. I have known for 3 weeks and I have been trying to find something positive about having a third child (I tried HARD for 2 years to get pregnant and wanted it more than anything, almost obsessed), still I feel like this pregnancy is a mistake.

I just decided for sure in May/june/July that I was done. Before the 1st miscarriage my ex said get rid of it, I considered terminating but couldnt do it and decided Iwas having it, then a few days later I miscarried. I was devistated, but to this day I dont know if I hurt so bad because it was my first loss, or if it was the fact that I considered terminating (guilt) or if it was how my ex treated me.
Last week I even went as far as to schedule an appointment to terminate-which will be cancelled or rescheduled. I just dont know what is right. I keep hoping my feeling will change, but I am teriffied they wont and I will hate the child if I go on to have it.

Any stories of where you felt this way and went on to be happy with having the baby? Still regret the pregancy/baby? Terminated?
Sandy-43 years young
BF-Ryan 38

Sons Noah 14 & Drew 16
Miracle baby Ella arrived Mar 22, 2013

7 losses at 4 to 7 weeks (feb 05, July 10, Oct 10, April 11, Oct 11 Feb 2012, Jan 2015)
No explanation for losses

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August 6th, 2012, 05:05 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,420
I just wanted to comment not because I have experience, sorry, but because I think you are brave for being so honest about your feelings.

My husband has two kids from a pervious marriage and did not want anymore. I did. We had two more. Although he really was done with2, he adores these two. He wasn't as excited during the preg but of course, now that they are here, he loves them. I really think that it is instinctual for us to love our young and I think that you would never be resentful. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise...without much of a disguise because a perfect child is nothing but positive! Is it possible you are still maybe afraid of a loss?

Were you on any BC? Follow your heart but IMO, I believe that a baby can be unplanned, shocking, even undesired at first, but in the end, you will be thankful =) JMO....xoxo
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August 6th, 2012, 10:06 PM
terryterry's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Northern California
Posts: 652
I just want to mention adoption in this post, since I don't think it was in the original. It's not the right decision for everyone, but neither is keeping the baby, and neither is termination. I just want to make sure you're considering all the possibilities.
I wish you the best in making whatever decision is right for you and your family.
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August 7th, 2012, 07:11 AM
mrsjl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 4,917
I don't think any good, sane parent looks at their new baby or at their child and thinks "I regret having you"
mom to
Rebecca (11/22/07) Nathan (7/31/10) & Thomas (5/3/13)
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September 4th, 2012, 03:52 AM
.:Kati:.'s Avatar kyler's mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: memphis,TN
Posts: 930
You'll love that baby,when you lay eyes on the child. esp if you already have children. I don't think it's possible to hate or regret having this baby. I considered aborting for a week after finding out i was pregnant with my one and only as that was unplanned,I was always "that person" that would say i'm never having kids. I started getting more and more fond of being a mother. Now i can't imagine my life without him,it brings tears to my eyes when i think back to that first week.

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October 1st, 2012, 07:29 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
I think you've already answered your own question with this:

Before the 1st miscarriage my ex said get rid of it, I considered terminating but couldnt do it and decided Iwas having it, then a few days later I miscarried. I was devistated, but to this day I dont know if I hurt so bad because it was my first loss, or if it was the fact that I considered terminating (guilt) or if it was how my ex treated me.
You had an unplanned child and then miscarried and you felt guilt and remorse. And your ex influenced your feelings about it all.

Now you are pregnant again. What if this one stuck? You'll never know. I think you're hurt and scared because you wanted and then lost. You want to protect yourself from future pain and I can totally understand that. If you choose to carry this baby you will have months with which to sort out your feelings about keeping the child or to adopt the child out. If you choose to abort you'll be left with the same feelings you experienced before and you'll have no resolution.

'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!

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October 1st, 2012, 08:09 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 98
I have 3 girls and we were done, but someone else had plans for us. I found out i was pregnant in May, which was news to me and to top if off I was almost 5months pregnant at that. We were shocked since we were done but after the shock wore off, we were really excited. I thought our girls would be upset, especially my youngest 7yo, they were in shock and thought I was kidding but after I let the shock wear off, they got really excited even my 7yo.
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