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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 1 Post By Athme
  • 5 Post By Paris2

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October 23rd, 2012, 07:33 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
I am a mother of two boys; 6 and 2 and just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant. This all came as a huge shock and surprise to my husband and me. We had already made the decision that we were done having kids and that he would get a vasectomy. We made all the necessary appointments and were still practicing safe sex. To set the ground work for all that is going on my husband and I have always had a good relationship with the stress of everyday life with work and kids. In the last couple of months we have both been under a lot of stress and have really taken it out on our relationship. We both own our own business and time is few and far between. My 6 year old has ADHD, and we are in an everyday battle with his school in what they think is the right plan of action and what I think. He is great in academics its his behavior and we struggle with it at home. My 2 year old boy was born with serve microtia of the right ear. We were fortunate that this was the only thing wrong with him. Most children born with this have other serve health issues. We spent the first 4 months going through all the testing to make sure we were in the clear. As any mother can relate it is hard to see your child with anything wrong with them from a simple cold to something more complex. I experience extreme post partum in the months after having him, it wasnít I didnít want anything to do with him it was the other extreme I didnít want anyone to help me. I had to do everything for him. I was buried with guilt and wanted answers, even though every doctor told me there was no answer to why this happened it was still hard for me to understand. I fight with the struggle everyday of wondering why. Today we are still battling the ear infections in the left struggling with our speech and are scheduling surgeries for the future; he will have to go through a series of 3-5 surgeries. I was also told by my doctors that if I got pregnant again and had a boy (because this is predominate in boys) I increased my chances of having another child with this and I may not be a lucky the next with missing all the other health issues. This was the one of the main reasons we decided that we would not have any more children. This has caused a huge stress on our family emotionally as well as financially. My husband first reaction when I told I was pregnant was I am so sorryÖ What do you want to do. I was shocked because I hadnít thought that far. He has said he would support me in any decision I made, but he didnít know if he could go through all this again. He is afraid we will cause a stress for our 2 other children. He also doesnít know if emotionally and financially we could do another child. I have so many mixed emotions and I donít know what to do. Both times I was pregnant before I stayed extremely sick and was put on bed rest during my first pregnancy, which also adds a stress to not being able to work. I have thought of every scenario and the end result is not good. In my heart I donít know if I can handle another child with everything going on, but then I donít know if I can live with myself with having an abortion. I know this is what my husband wants and logically on paper it may be the right decision. In everything I am reading I see I need to do whatís best for my family, but right now I donít know what that is. I am not sure my marriage and children can handle another child but I am not sure my marriage can handle an abortion. I am posting in desperate need of advice. Please refrain from posting if you are here to tell me I am horrible for thinking this way, believe me I have more guilt right now than any one person could know.. Honestly I just needed to write all this out and maybe read it myself. I havenít been able to share this with anyone but my dr. and husband and I know where my husband stands.
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October 23rd, 2012, 10:08 PM
Athme's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: St Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 1,269
Either decision will not be an easy task.

I think the best thing you could do is speak to a family counselor with your husband. That way you have an independent and unbiased moderator able to help you towards the right decision for you and your family.

I am sure you will make the right decision/
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October 24th, 2012, 11:56 AM
Rebelmommy's Avatar Mommy to controlled chaos
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,139
First I think you need a big hug! ((HUG)) Second I can only second the advice of Athme, you would probably benefit from speaking with an outside party, either decision will be hard, and you will get lots of opinions, but in the end you have to do what works best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY! I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.
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October 24th, 2012, 04:40 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
Oh Paris, you are in a very difficult spot! I can only imagine the emotions you must be experiencing. I'm so glad you and your husband are having open communication about this. I'm thinking like the others here, that your situation is worthy of talking to a counselor about or perhaps your pastor or clergy. Obviously, this decision will always affect your life one way or another, so, like Athme said, it's probably best for you to talk with someone you trust who is not involved emotionally with the decision. Have you thought about adoption?...I know that would be hard too..but..just a thought. A couple of websites that you may want to look over... ichooseadoption and abortionchangesyou. I will be praying for you---asking God to help you make the best decision for you and your baby.
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October 24th, 2012, 08:14 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Philippines
Posts: 209
Making decision on that situation is quite tough. All I can say is, have faith in God and ask him for wisdom and guidance as you go on with your lives. I'll pray for you and for your family. God bless!
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October 29th, 2012, 08:09 PM
Purrrrrrr's Avatar Semi-crunchy Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,715
From someone who terminated a pregnancy before, it's not an easy decision, but I knew I was not going to be able to care for that baby. I wasn't financially capable. My then-boyfriend (now-husband) and I were living with my parents, barely making money enough to eat and get to and from our jobs. We'd both just graduated with school with no immediate prospects and a ton of debt. We were also working opposite hours (it's amazing we were together enough to get pregnant in the first place!) and that wouldn't be changing.

And I wasn't emotionally capable of caring for a baby either. I knew I couldn't do it, so I made the decision and I don't regret it. Looking back on it, I can't imagine any other way it could have gone.

However, you don't seem so sure in your decision. What is holding you back? I think you need to examine those reasons that are making you pause before you decide. And then take a second to think through solutions to how life with function with another baby. Don't worry about any diseases the baby may be born with (mental or physical) because that's not something you can control or factor into your decision-making. But money and post-partum you can (now that you know you have post-partum issues, you can go ahead and get prescribed with medicine for when you go home). You shouldn't let your spouse pressure you into something you'd regret, but if you feel like a termination is right for you, then don't be scared. It is possible to make a decision like that and not regret it, but you have to really know your limits beforehand.

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November 2nd, 2012, 05:55 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice. This has been the hardest 2 weeks for my family. Last week I scheduled to have an abortion today. Every day I cried not knowing if I was making the right decision. I prayed, talked to someone that was not invested in my situation and called my doctor daily. I knew what my husband wanted but in his defense he was worried about my health and our finances. So, this morning I got took my other 2 kids to school and started my 1 hour trip to the clinic and then it hit I can't do this. This happened for some reason and I have to have faith in God that he didn't give me anything I couldn't handle. A couple of months ago I wanted to adopt a little girl and prayed if it was meant to be give me a sign. I came to the conclusion this was my sign. But if it a boy I will be just as happy. The doctors placed me on high risk but once again I am going to faith that everything will turn out how it should. I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words I was feeling really alone. We are going to wait to announce it to our family after all my testing. Prayers and fingers crossed. Posted on my iPad in the car sorry for any typos.
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December 11th, 2012, 09:41 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
Congratulations. Your story has really made me smile that you believe that you can do this and you have faith everything will work out. Thank you for sharing!
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