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Pregnant at 39

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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November 21st, 2012, 07:26 AM
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1
I just found out I'm pregnant last week - confirmed with 4 home pregnancy tests. I am a 39 year old single mother to a 6 year old girl. I have been with my bf for a little over a year. Our relationship is not perfect, but we have a strong relationship and I have been very happy until this point. I have always wanted to have another child, and have never had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Abortion didn't even cross my mind when I first found out. I was not sure how my bf would react, but when I told him, he was very laid back and didn't understand why I was so upset and just said we'll take care of this. He made a comment, "you're actually thinking about having a baby?". I was crushed and sad. Neither one of us are in a good place financially. He has a daughter from a previous marriage and is a couple of years older. If I don't have his support, I don't think I could be a single mom to 2 children! I have a decent job, but have lots of debt and probably filing for bankcruptcy.

I am so conflicted, bitter, disappointed, sad, among other emotions! I can't keep it together and break down crying at any second. I have an appointment Friday at a planned parenthood clinic. I've been doing research about the abortion pill and having lots of anxiety over it. I guess having someone adopt my child, could be an option, but I just don't know how I would explain that to my daughter. I also don't know if I could go through with that - the ultimate sacrifice. Of course, I could probably live with this decision better than deciding to terminate a pregnancy.

My bf and I really haven't had a chance to really sit down and talk after the initial news. I need to really tell him how I feel. I don't feel like he has really been there for me or sensitive enough to my needs. I think he is at a loss of words and not really sure how to react. If he told me let's keep this baby, I would make it work. I feel like I'm being forced and pushed into abortion 'cause I am so scared of the alternative. I am assuming if I said I would keep the baby, than he would support my decision. It is my body afterall. I just fear that he would resent the decision, me and this baby would forever be a burden to him. I'm already disappointed that didn't even give a thought, and assumed right away that abortion was the only solution. I guess we need to do some serious talking and soul searching. I thought I had gone through the worst experiences of my life already. This is by far one of the worst!

Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice they could share with me?
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November 21st, 2012, 08:55 AM
Rebelmommy's Avatar Mommy to controlled chaos
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,139
My advice, do not make a choice that you will regret, especially if you are feeling like you are forced into it. If you want this baby have it, money, boyfriends, bankruptcy.. these are not reasons to not have a baby. babies don't care if you have debt, or have to file bankruptcy, they don't care if you have a boyfriend, or a car or a job for that matter. Babies require only a safe and loving environment, although what we want them to have is a lot more than that, it is in fact all they require.. a warm safe place to feel loved
Mommy to:

Ashley (02/18/94) Rhiana (08/20/02) Tierney (05/23/04)
(12/05/05) Creighton (01/31/13) Devlynn Grace (02/05/2016)

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November 21st, 2012, 04:26 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,142
You won't ever regret having this child. Financially the difference between having one child and two children is hardly anything. Your boyfriend doesn't get a say in whether your baby lives or dies. If you kill your baby because you feel he wanted you to you will always regret it and the relationship between you two will be destroyed anyway. You said you've always wanted another child. Then CELEBRATE, you have that child in your womb. My husband and I are scraping by, single income, been through bankruptcy and foreclosure and repo's, and we are expecting our third child. Children don't need money. They just need love.
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November 27th, 2012, 07:30 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 21
Oh, I'm so sorry your boyfriend didn't seem to be on board with your pregnancy. I can imagine that must have been really disappointing to you. And, I'm not sure what's happened since that last time you posted, but I second what the others have said on here. Although your circumstances may not be ideal, it's certainly not a deal breaker for bringing this child into the world. And, I really believe you would have more regret about terminating this pregnancy than you would about carrying this child. Of course, I know that may not ease the fears and worries you're probably experiencing right now. So, maybe it would be helpful to visit a Pregnancy Resource Center in your area (you can find one through an organization called OptionLine-1/800-712-HELP)? They can help you think through your options and decide what's best for your family. They also usually have a lot of support and assistance available that might help you during this time. So, just something to think about. In the meantime, know that someone out there is praying for you!
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November 29th, 2012, 09:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
planned parenthood is sort of biased towards abortion. if you keep your appt, i would suggest you also go to a crisis pregnancy center and counsel there too so you have the full picture. i agree with the poster's above who have said it sounds like you really don't want to have an abortion but feel like you have to for the bf. that would be such a grievous mistake for you to do. you will resent him for it and hate yourself. i encourage you to really think about your options and pray about them as well. no decision is going to be easy. and yes, you CAN do it with 2 children alone. i speak from experience.
UrbanMomma likes this.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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December 1st, 2012, 07:56 PM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
If you decide to keep this baby which i hope you do and not terminate and want to consider adoption, please send me a message. I would love to talk to you. There are so many families that aren't able to share in the joy of having their own baby but have so much love to offer your unborn child. Please message me to talk.
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December 6th, 2012, 08:34 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
How are things going for you and your situation? We would love an update. Hope things are working out
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