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Terrified and feeling like a terrible person

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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January 28th, 2013, 01:31 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1
I just found out that I'm about 5.5 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 14 (8 years), and we live together in an apartment. We're very in love and have always talked about how much we can't wait to get married and have a family. The only thing we've been waiting for is for me to finish school and start working. I'm graduating with my BSc in the spring, and am waiting to hear about medical school admissions sometime in the next month.

Getting pregnant right now was not a part of my plan. Of course I love my boyfriend, and I want to have children with him, but I don't feel ready. I'm not sure where having this baby will leave my med school plans, and we're definitely not in the financial situation I imagined we'd be in when this time came.

I am terrified, and I wish I wasn't. My boyfriend is over the moon, he couldn't be happier. His family is the same way. My parents on the other hand were disappointed when I told them, they worry that I'm throwing my opportunities away and they feel like I'm too young for this.

I just don't know what to do. I want to be happy and excited, because this is such an amazing thing. I want to have faith like my boyfriend does that things will work out. But I'm worried about how we will handle it financially, and about how this will impact my plans for my education and career. My boyfriend just blew up at me because he doesn't understand why I'm not more happy. I need clarity.
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January 28th, 2013, 01:46 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I just wanted to encourage you that it is possible to continue with your plans, especially with such an excited and supporting father of the baby. My first child was a surprise -- we were planning to wait until my husband got his phd and we got back from living overseas. Well, things didn't happen like we expected. Yes, financially it was challenging for a few years, but she is now almost nine, and honestly we look back at that 'mistake' as one of the best things that happened to us.

It's not unusual at all to feel scared and conflicted -- becoming a mother is a crazy and wonderful thing and it will take time for you to adjust to it mentally. But I'm confident that you will come to delight in it if not now, very soon. And when your sweet son or daughter is in your arms I know you won't have a single regret and the joy they bring you will make it easier to deal with the challeges of finishing your schooling.
katydae88 and Cortical_Cath like this.
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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January 28th, 2013, 07:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
Don't worry about medschool! There are many women going through it who have kids and are experiencing planned pregnancies. You just have the added wrinkle that everything isn't as settled as you'd like.

Be prepared, though. It may mean that you need to take a semester off to adjust. But that is OKAY! Meet with your advisor to arrange it all out. You may be able to snag a part-time nursing assistant gig somewhere that will give you extra training and experience (kinda like an internship).
Cortical_Cath likes this.

'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!

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January 28th, 2013, 10:15 PM
DeletedUser12345's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I cried the first full day I found out I was pregnant. I definitely dont have everything figured out yet.. but after seeing ultrasounds and heartbeats Im excited.. yet still scared. This is going to be scary but it will all work out. Plus, if your BF is sooo thrilled, that means you will have tons of support at home. That is GREAT!
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January 29th, 2013, 12:38 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,198
No one is ever ready for a child. Even if its planned. It's life changing. Very normal to feel the way you are feeling.
I planned my life according to my standards. Graduate high school, get into college, get into my nursing program, get my private practitioners license and then figure out my family status/kids.
None of that seemed impossible. I was set on having kids by 28 at the latest. But things happen. I found myself pregnant at 22... In the middle of transitioning to my practitioners degree AND working full time in the university hospital.
No one is ever ready. You were blessed with a child. Embrace it. Let your boyfriend be supportive. You are very lucky to have that. I'm one of those women whose single and my child's father walked away. I am now 24 weeks pregnant and still going to school and working. Anything is possible. Having a child isn't a reason to let go of your dreams or goals. Having a child makes all those goals worth reaching for.
Good luck to you.. I know it's a tough choice.. A big choice but in the end it's all you. And your heart will lead you the right way.
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February 3rd, 2013, 06:52 AM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,420
I have a dear friend who got preg while in med school, the father wanted nothing to do withh the child =(...she has gone on to complete med school, is now a doctor and has a beautiful 5 year old daughter!!!! She made it work, it took some help and some adjustments, but I know she wouldn't have it any other way.

I agree...PROPS to your BF....that should make everything easier or at least confirm what a GREAT guy he is!

You can't help how you feel. Wouldn't it be great if we could choose our feelings? You're feeling like this for a reason, fear..shock...wondering how you will make it work....all normal and rationale thoughts. In fact, I'm sure it is these thoughts that will ensure that you do make it work because you will think it through so thoroughly and will not go into everything blindly!! you got this...congrats!!!!!!

....excitement will come...trust me....all in time.....

were you any BC?

were you any BC?
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February 4th, 2013, 04:24 AM
Weight Loss Expert
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 205
There are ways to continue with your dreams even after having a baby. Of course, you have to make adjustments but if you are really determined with your dreams, then you can achieve it. Just make your baby an inspiration for you to strive harder.
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low-income, student, young

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