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He's now threatening suicide if I don't terminate!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 31st, 2013, 12:34 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4
I wrote a post below, so won't go into the whole story, but it just got a whole lot worse!

He told me that he is suffering serious depression and that this is sending him over the edge. I just don't know what to do now. I still know that I can't go through with the a termination, but am I being completely unfair?
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  #2  
January 31st, 2013, 05:37 AM
Missa_Mae's Avatar First Time Mommy!
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If someone is threatening suicide - you need to call the authorities immediately. regardless of the situation - this person needs help.
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  #3  
January 31st, 2013, 05:38 AM
MommyofAngels1985's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 594
Not at all, this is still your decision and you and you alone are the one that will have to live with the outcome if you terminate your baby. It sounds to me that he is getting desperate to get you to terminate your child and what happens if you do? You will regret it if it is not what you want to do, your baby will be gone and there will be a chance of never having children again and he will still be suffering from depression. Have you talked to him to getting some help with his depression and if so is he willing to get help for it? What would be unfair is not giving this precious gift a chance at life when you are all he/she has. If you don't want to have your baby aborted than don't, you are not being unfair in the least. If he is that unstable where he is threatening his own life if you don't abort your child then he needs to get some serious help, you terminating your child will not make him get better. You are doing all you can to help him by telling him he doesn't have to be in the baby's life, you shouldn't have to have an abortion to make him feel better. Once you see your baby on that ultrasound or feel your babies first movements that will be all the decision you will need . But back to him again, he needs to seek some professional help if he is that unstable.
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Last edited by MommyofAngels1985; January 31st, 2013 at 05:40 AM.
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  #4  
January 31st, 2013, 09:23 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I agree with the other ladies -- if he is serious he needs immediate professional help and it has nothing to do with your baby.

If, on the other hand, he is just using this as another way to try to bully you into aborting the baby for his own convenience, then it's terrible and he needs to grow up. Again, that really has nothing to do with you and shouldn't influence your decision.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, and that he's making it extra hard on you. Try to get him some help for his depression, and don't let his moods and behavior cause you to rethink the value of your baby's life. You can do this without him being part of your support network, you know you want to mother this baby, and in no way should you let him emotionally pressure or manipulate you.
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  #5  
January 31st, 2013, 10:43 AM
Dhartanya's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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He is manipulating you in a way he thinks will get you to do what he wants.
If he is saying he is gonna kill himself, you need to call 911 and give them his address so they can help him (if he is fact serious).
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  #6  
January 31st, 2013, 12:18 PM
DeletedUser12345's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I definitely think that is being too manipilative.. I would call BS on that but don't know him so cant.. If he is threatening it, definitely call in for professional help. However, back when I was in elementary school my dad threatened suicide and scared me and my sister because my mom was leaving him after he repeatedly cheated.. anyway.. long story short.. she left. He's still around.. sooo, if it is just desperation and him needing to grow up.. don't let him bully you or make any of your body decisions. At the time my dad was only like 28 when I was 10.. sooo, it could just be immaturity. I really think he is being incredibly unfair to you and you should still do what is best for you.
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  #7  
January 31st, 2013, 05:34 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If someone is threatening suicide you need to call 911 right away. If he's serious they will be able to help him and if he's not he will be outted very quickly. No matter what people who threaten suicide should always be treated seriously.

With that said, it's not your fault that he is acting this way. He is acting this way because he either has a medical condition or he's manipulating you. What you choose to do is fully up to you and he has no say in the matter what so ever. It seems like you have chosen to keep your baby and if that's what you want you need to do it.
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  #8  
January 31st, 2013, 07:02 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree, call his bluff, and dial 911. He will feel like a complete idiot if this is a hoax to get you to terminate your baby. His family/friends will see what a coward he is......for a man to use depression as a tool to get their so to abort, I think this is the lowest thing I have ever witnessed. Im sorry for your stress.....no one deserves to be treated this way, EVER. You deserve better.
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  #9  
February 2nd, 2013, 09:01 PM
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Ugh, he's manipulating you. And he's only going to up the ante and try your sanity. I highly suggest you call 911 and give them his address the next time he calls you and says it and then I would call your phone carrier and have his number blocked. If he has a key to your place get the locks changed.

If he in ANY way threatens to harm you or the baby (and I mean in ANY way, even the barest of suggestions) IMMEDIATELY contact the police and begin the paperwork for getting a restraining order. If he does not stop getting in touch with you about getting an abortion and continues to threaten suicide then it is time to get legal help on the charge of harassment.

This is HIS problem and NOT yours. You are NOT responsible for his own actions. You are not his mother or his doctor so nothing you do for YOURSELF or your baby could EVER be deemed ethically, morally, or legally responsible for what he does to himself.
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  #10  
February 3rd, 2013, 01:40 PM
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Thank you so much ladies, for your responses to both of my posts. I am so glad I found this network of such supportive women and I hope I can repay the favor at some stage. Not much to update at this point, but since I said ok to his request of leaving the father blank on the birth certificate, he has left me alone which has been three days now. It is quite the relief I needed, especially considering I am so sick this time around.
Thanks again ladies!
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  #11  
February 3rd, 2013, 01:52 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: illinois
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Hoping your just telling you are not putting the name on the birth certificate. Not sure what the legal issues will be if you need to come to him for child support. What an a** to finally leave you alone just because he feels like he has no legal liability to this baby.....not to mention how unfair it is for this baby to not have a father on his certificate....he was not an immaculate conception, therefore he/she deserves to know who their father was and that it was not a toss up of different possibilitys.
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  #12  
February 3rd, 2013, 11:29 PM
DeletedUser12345's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Totally your choice if you want to put his name on there.. But if you don't get him to sign, it wont be on the certificate (at least that's how it works here) and it'll take bringing him to court and a DNA test to get support and birth certificate amended. Because of my situation, my child won't have a father listed... And that's ok by me given my circumstances... However, its your child. All the legal stuff can work out later.. For now, I'm glad the peace is there for you.
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  #13  
February 4th, 2013, 04:17 AM
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If suicide threatening is involved, you should call a person close to this one who has suicide tendency. A professional help would also be helpful.
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  #14  
February 7th, 2013, 02:19 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scaredmummytobe View Post
I wrote a post below, so won't go into the whole story, but it just got a whole lot worse!

He told me that he is suffering serious depression and that this is sending him over the edge. I just don't know what to do now. I still know that I can't go through with the a termination, but am I being completely unfair?
He needs therapy now!
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  #15  
February 14th, 2013, 11:49 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 7,185
Lurking here and wanted to give my two cents. Its is 100% clear that suicide threat was a bluff, now that he is suddenly 'okay' since you agreed not to put his name. What a pathetic lowlife. All he cares is about the financial responsibility!! Its sad that you had to know his true face through such a stressful event. But good riddance. You can always work out the legalities later on like Mellissa said. Although I would say save all communication, emails, cards, etc just in case. Good luck. In the end this baby is a miracle! mama - You can do it!
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  #16  
October 29th, 2016, 02:50 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2016
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I once was recently in the same situation. My x fling said he would x himself off if I didn't terminate. I said I wouldn't. He said to then adopt the baby out. I said I wouldn't as I wouldn't no who the family were as people. He said he wanted to wave his parental rights. I said ok. I was going to put him on birth certificate but then found out this country still charges father for family tax credits, even if he has waved parental rights. I told him this. He refused to contact me again. I sadly lost the baby. And he has no idea if the child exists or not. If I were him I would of wanted to no. In ten years the child would of be pre-teen and asking about its father. I would of had to say to the child. He abandoned me while I was pregnant and I have no clue were he is. As he has disappeared completely. If the child track him down he would probably by that time have a family and would of had to explain to his wife/partner about the child at the door. What would he say? I always think that now. What would he say to his new family about trying to convince his x fling to abort a life then abandoning her and the unborn babe. Would his new partner like it? I doubt so. I miss my babe. I often wonder what it would of been like if I didn't lose him/her. What him/her would of looked like, been like etc. If I ever got put in same situation I still would say no to abortion. I tell young woman in the community now that I am anti abortion as I can see it would of been to hard. To hard to of gone through, for me on a personal level. I wonder what your choice was. What did you choose to do?
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