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mid 30's, unplanned pregnancy, stable relationship

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 1 Post By lex_ladybug

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February 8th, 2013, 01:34 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3

I just wrote a long message and it didn't post so here it is again. I'm new to the forum. I just found out I'm pregnant. I am 34 and in a stable relationship with my boyfriend of 15 months. We just moved in together. We are happy and financially stable. We've talked previously about eventually having a family (and getting married). I was tracking my period and aware of my ovulation but clearly I miscalculated and ended up pregnant.

We are both concerned because it feels too early to have children in terms of how long we've been together. We definitely wanted to be married, and really wanted some time together before kids. I spent 3 years working multiple jobs throughout a bout of unemployment from my field of work and in the last 8 months, I've finally found a steady job and am enjoying some free time.

It feels selfish to say I am not ready. My sister had 3 miscarriages and went through a very long and difficult adoption process. I have friends who have tried for years and some have miscarried. Its only early on (I go for my confirmation with my doc next week) in my pregnancy and I'm not sure how far along I am, but probably about 4-8 weeks. I anticipated more time with my partner to enjoy each other and perhaps travel, etc.

I am pro-choice but always in my heart felt like if ever faced with the decision I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy. I recognize it is a gift many people long for. I also understand fertility declines after age 35 and this may be a blessing now. And yet, I worry that moving forward with this will cause strain later on because we were still getting to know each other and looking forward to other things first.

Does anyone have insight into a first pregnancy within a stable, but not lengthly relationship when it wasn't planned? Thoughts on time with your partner and time alone?

I appreciate any and all feedback.
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February 8th, 2013, 05:38 PM
DeletedUser12345's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I dont have any insight for a relationship.. I am not in one and also pregnant.. but definitely not planned. I am 15 weeks today and with my first child. I always knew if faced with the decision, I couldn't abort.. and I didnt.. although, it feels like my entire paycheck is going to baby stuff to make sure I am ready. I'd say... try not to dwell over it until you see the ultrasound to date it. I had some heavy bleeding and a clot at 7 weeks and I went to the ER and was able to see the baby's head and heart beating away and I knew my decision was final then. Baby has been fine and I find out gender in a week. I hope you dont stress too much over it. I am definitely pro-life but will not judge or lecture you if you can't go through with it.. However, it does seem like you are in a decent position to have a child, even if it is with bad timing now.

Last edited by DeletedUser12345; February 9th, 2013 at 09:41 AM.
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February 9th, 2013, 09:11 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,547
I can completely understand your concerns and worries. I am pregnant with #3, very much 'unplanned'. It was a complete shock to me, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that everything in life happens for a reason. I should also tell you that I wasn't even married (newly engaged) when I got pregnant with daughter #1 and ended up getting married while I was about 3 months pregnant. We are still happily married and have just paid off our home loan last month. Like my doctor said to me, 'there's never a perfect time to have a baby'. There's always something that could hold people back from having babies, but that is not how life 'works'! I am truly pro-life and tell myself that this is a living human being growing inside of me. I have been given the privelege to give this baby life. That is an awesome responsibility that I am truly honored with. I really hope you will weigh the pros and cons of this life changing decision that you are about to make! Good luck and sending you lots of hugs!!!

~Always missing our angel baby 16/3/2013~
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February 9th, 2013, 11:07 AM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
melissamarie247, thank you for your thoughtful response. Yes, I am holding out for this doctor's appointment next week to find out more. If I am further along than I initially thought, I think it may be even tougher to turn back. I wish you well in your pregnancy. Having not planned feels scary, but it helps to know that there are others out there welcoming it with open arms. Best of luck to you!

mommy2princesses, thank you for telling me about your situation. I agree too, that there is never a perfect time for a baby and so lovely to think of this as a privelege. It is wonderful to hear how it has worked out for you. Oddly enough, I was the last of 4 children and my mom had told me I was unplanned- what a terrible thing to tell your child. My boyfriend's mom was single and had him at age 20- of course also unplanned. Clearly, this happens all the time Congratulations on paying your home off too! Hugs right back and best of luck!
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