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Contemplating Abortion

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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September 29th, 2013, 09:27 AM
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1
I'm in my early 30's with a 15 year old and just found out I'm pregnant. I broke up with a serious boyfriend in the late spring and have been very casually seeing someone over the summer. This guy is finishing up Grad school, is 26 years old, and is not in a position, financially or otherwise, to have a baby. I'm almost done with the one I have and am also starting a Graduate program in Summer. I'm so conflicted over what I should do. I don't want to have a baby with this guy but I'm also at a point in my life where a baby wouldn't be the end of the world. It would put plans that I have for myself on hold. It would be a financial struggle initially because I've not properly saved for something like this. The guy and I don't want to be together - in fact I broke up with him a couple of days after I told him I was pregnant. He's a great guy and I have no doubt that one day he will make an incredible father and husband - but that day is not today. I don't want this to ruin his life - let alone mine or my teenager's. He is pushing for me to terminate the pregnancy and is very unsupportive of me having this baby. I keep telling him that he is free to walk away but he has told me in no uncertain terms that this is not an option. My appointment at the clinic is scheduled for Wednesday and as the day draws closer I become less and less sure that this is something I really want to do. I'd love to have another baby some day with a man that I love and feel like this isn't the right time, right place, and is completely the wrong guy. But does that mean that I should take that out on the only innocent person in this situation?
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September 29th, 2013, 11:04 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 542
Have you looked into putting the baby up for adoption? It's also a hard choice but if you don't want to terminate and don't feel the time is right for you to have a baby maybe you could gift someone else with the child.
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September 29th, 2013, 02:05 PM
DeletedUser12345's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I'd say don't think about the guy in the situation at all! Do what you want in your life. I'm a single 25 year old mommy with no financial support from the dad, with a 2 month old and going back to grad school starting in spring.. If you want to keep it, keep it.. You seem conflicted so I'd advise against abortion..you always have options to change your mind until you go through with abortion. It's all your call ultimately but don't base your decision on anyone else but yourself.
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September 29th, 2013, 02:33 PM
anhoyle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 833
Please consider all options. Adoption would be a great choice. Remember once abortion is done it can't be undone and it will live with you the rest of your life.
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September 29th, 2013, 03:22 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I can tell you that pretty much any lady on here will tell you that if you are unsure and conflicted you should absolutely not go through with the abortion. Giving in to pressure and unsupportive behavior from the baby's father will end in heartache for you. This is your son or daughter and it's absolutely not your responsibility to worry about the effect this little child will have on that man's life. He was fully aware when he had unprotected sex that creating a life is a possibility. If he doesn't man up and take responsibility for that life, that makes him a jerk, but it doesn't need to change your decision.

An unexpected baby is emotional and life changing, but rmember that the changes a little one brings can be so overwhelmingly positive. You've been given an incredible gift-- a chance to bring a little life into the world and relive all the crazy joy that comes from that -- and this time around be a little older and wiser and more able to savor the moments than you were fifteen years ago. It's something I can promise you that you won't regret, and I think you already know that.

Your little one's father can take an active roll or take a hike, but don't let him take control and try to bully you into a decision that's just focused on his convenience.

Best wishes and keep us posted!
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Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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September 30th, 2013, 02:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: WY
Posts: 2,760
If you are not feeling ok with it then you shouldn't be doing it, as you will regret it in the end and its hard. I went through a medical termination and father was excited. I wasnt, but docs told me we take the baby or you both die. I was only 10 weeks. It was hard on me at first and still to this day its hard, but i knew my choice was to save my life. But if i could go back and it wasn't a life or death situation I would have never done what the father wanted. No man can make me do what he wants. I am not his slave, I am me and it is my body.

I hope you make the right choice. Its not easy deciding what is best for you, but remember in the long run you aren't the only one that thinks this is the best option at this time, just think by the time the little one comes things will be better and you will know you did the right thing.
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September 30th, 2013, 06:11 PM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,479
i feel like if you have any doubt, don't. one of my old friends went to one, kicking and screaming, because her boyfriend said he'd leave her and kick her out of their house if she refused. she says now she wished she had reached out for someone to help her, and has since broke up with that boyfriend.

if you even *think* you might want this baby, you should cancel that appointment, stop talking to the father, and think about it some more. you know his desires. it's time you sat back and figured out yours.
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October 1st, 2013, 01:24 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
Please don't go through with it. Please! Even if you are in an okay financial place. Try a crisis pregnancy center. They will help you, even if it's just with counseling to help you work through your decision. If you are unsure, it will haunt you forever.
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Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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October 3rd, 2013, 02:20 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 2,130
If it were me, I would put the baby up for adoption. It is a hard choice but I believe abortion is much more difficult.
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October 3rd, 2013, 04:33 PM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 138
I hope everything settled down. :/
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October 4th, 2013, 09:41 AM
Angelgirl30's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 803
There are too many people out there that want babies for you to let the father make this choice for you. I myself and several of my friends would take in any child for anyone in this situation. I loved what you said about the child is the only innocent one in the situation. I personally would say don't do it. I have seen the lasting effects on some of my friends from having abortions and they have never gotten over the guilt it caused. If you are already struggling it just might be too difficult to handle afterwards.
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October 4th, 2013, 11:26 AM
#6 otw for us:)
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: in the snow
Posts: 124
This may sound bad, but pray on it. GOD has his ways of telling u the right thing to do for everyone involved.
but please, before you do anything, think about it long and hard. Abortion is permanent.
One of those things that you can not take back after its done.
Good luck and please keep us posted whatever you decide in The end it is your decision!
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October 4th, 2013, 04:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,089
I have to agree with all the other girls - my daughter is a one night stand baby. Her dad left when she was 9 months old and hasn't looked back since, and Im ok with that. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There are so many options for woman in your position, don't let the guy make your decision. I hope all is well with you and I will be thinking about you. Remember everything happens for a reason.
I make my own siggys!
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abortion, unplanned pregnancy

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