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Totally overwhelmed with third pregnancy

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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October 4th, 2013, 02:09 PM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 78
I figure this is the best place to relieve some of my anxiety and offload my emotions. I am pregnant with my third child (18weeks) and still struggling with my emotions toward this pregnancy and the prospect of having another child. Currently I have 2 children aged 6 & 3, they are so independent now and I feel like I am finally at the point where I can 'relax' as a mother. I don't have to wake up during the night, I don breastfeed, I am able to have some sort of social life, I have a job I really enjoy and it is so easy getting out and about with the kids now! Having a third changes all of the above, I can and will return to work so this not so much of an issue however childcare costs are as I'm currently paying significantly less that I was previously, whereas now this amount will jump up hugely again. I'm worrying about everything and if I am completely honest I do not want to have this child, I have no alternative at this point and would never consider adoption. I don't think I will have a problem loving this child when it is born, but it don't feel a connection with the baby and cannot imagine having another baby. I have told only a few people, I haven't told my parents or wider family (with the exception of my cousin) my close friends don't know, I've only just informed my manager and confided in one work colleague. I don't want to tell anybody. It's almost as if keeping this as quiet as possible prevent it from being real. My children obviously don't know either. I know I won't be the first woman to feel this way it the last, I don't think people are open and honest enough about there true feelings and only share what they think people want to hear. I don't know if anybody on here feels similarly? If you do you are not alone. I keep crying and feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotion and wish I could feel normal and be happy like most other expectant mothers. Ive never felt this way about a pregnancy before so this is new to me and I'm finding it really difficult.

Sorry for typos, on mobile!
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October 4th, 2013, 02:57 PM
susie_q's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 986
I don't have any other kids but I'm pregnant with my first and it was a tooootal surprise. Like, on the pill and took plan b surprise. The first few days, and even now, I cried all throughout the day. I wouldn't let my sister call it a baby and I would just keep reminding myself it was the size of an orange seed so that I could terminate guilt free.

But something happened yesterday. It was like I accepted it and allowed myself to feel okay with it. Will it be hard? I don't have to say that to you since you have two little ones but that still scares me. I'll miss my social life and I miss my going out/nightly glass of wine but I feel like this happened for a reason. But I can sympathize with you, it's hard to see all these wonderful women in my DDC all super excited for their blossoming pregnancies, or have tried for so many cycles and it finally happened and I wasn't excited about mine, It's so heartbreaking to see these women in the "am i pregnant" or TTC boards that want to be pregnant so bad and mine beat science odds and just happened and I couldn't be happy. But the reality is, it's done, it's here and it'll be okay. It always is

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October 4th, 2013, 07:05 PM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,479
i also don't have other kids, but let me tell you, this was a surprise. i was only 17 when i conceived. i'm 8 months along now, but sometimes it still feels unreal. i'll wake up in the middle of the night because she has the hiccups and think "oh my god, there is a tiny life in there, hiccuping away" and it'll hit me like a tidal wave all over. i am afraid that i'm not bonding with her the way i should; i'm very maternal and protective (do you know what small town folk say TO teen moms about their babies?) but she's not real to me yet. we have enough baby supplies to rival a babies r us, and yet i still look at them and think, "oh my god".

and yet, i can't imagine my life without her. she's not born yet but i can't picture a day without her in it. she's kicking right now, for example, and i don't know what i did before i felt those little flutters. what did i spend my money on? what did i talk about with my friends? i don't remember. she has consumed my life and i love it.
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October 5th, 2013, 03:20 AM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 78
It's really tough trying to be happy. I couldn't sleep last night despite being extremely tired I spent the night crying again. My first child was also unplanned but not for one day did I feel how I feel even momentarily sometimes with this baby. This is why for me everything feels so wrong. I don't feel like I should be having this baby or that it is the right time. I'm not happy with my partner and I don't want to carry his child. As much as I try and overlook this to get to a happy place I cant. He is a lovely man, we have mutual friends, my family really like him, yet I have got to the stage where I no longer feel love for him. Me and my ex had a passionate yet volatile relationship, I know my feeling where always much stronger and intense for him compared to this relationship. I was also very attracted to my ex and for the past few months my current partner makes me feel sick (this sounds terrible I know). Honestly I can't imagine marrying him or being with him in the future and it feels unfair bringing a child into this situation. I think I need to get some help to cope with my feelings.
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October 5th, 2013, 07:58 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 138
I am sorry to hear about the difficult times. I know I have days that I struggle with being pregnant (15 weeks) and not even work knows. My parents and his parents know and a few other close friends but he especially doesn't want to tell anyone. Me.. I don't really want to talk about it but I do feel like I have to face it more than him because of all the appointments and such. Over all, it doesn't feel real and I am not sure I want it to be.

I am trying to find a way to connect with the baby, but I just don't feel it.

I feel very guilty after getting pregnant when trying to avoid it at all costs and so many struggle. I've spent many days wishing for my pregnancy to just disappear.

Very hard to say all those things because we aren't suppose to feel them...
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October 5th, 2013, 09:55 AM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 78
I feel te exact same way, I don't like taking about it and prefer to almost pretend it isn't happening. With my job I have access to an ultrasound machine and thought this would help, but it still hasn't made me feel more excited or connected with the baby. I use it and look at the screen more out of interest than excitement. The prospect of having a real live baby in my arms seems impossible even though I know it will happen. It seems so unfortunate that I can't magic this pregnany into someone's body who is desperate to be in this position. I know for someone trying for a baby I probably seem selfish, but we all live different lives and the impact a child will have affects everybody in different ways. I really appreciate the comments, it's nice hearing from someone who I can empathise with.
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October 5th, 2013, 10:21 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,386
i know exactly how you feel. I am now 22 weeks along with our third. I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. I have not really bonded with the baby yet, the only thing that gets me excited is seeing my other 2 kids so excited. They are thrilled and can't wait, neither can dh he is super excited. I am sure once we get further along and can feel the baby regularly and everything we will get more excited. Hugs. Its ok how you are feeling.

Thank you so much AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggy!
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October 5th, 2013, 10:59 AM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 13
shame don't worry

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October 6th, 2013, 08:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
I get where you're coming from. I was so upset about getting pregnant with my second when I did. And I was so ashamed of feeling upset that I didn't even write anything in my diary because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was upset, lol. Plus, we had worked out a payoff schedule for all these bills and things we had. I was finally going to be able to pay off a student loan or two. But this pregnancy put a stop to most of that. And finally, we were finally hitting our groove with our first child. He was more independent and all of that.

Ultimately I had to keep reminding myself that I chose to have unprotected sex with my husband. That was my choice. I knew the risks and did it anyway. It's not the baby's fault. And I loved my first son sooooo much that it was hard to imagine that I would not love this new one just as much. I just had to face myself, come to terms, and move on.

I'm watching him on his playmat, fast asleep, and I'm honestly filled with love. He is the most joyful baby I have ever met

'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!

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