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Pregnant, and unable to support ourselves.

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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December 27th, 2013, 09:44 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
The other ladies have made some great points! I wanted to chime in to echo the idea that there really never is a 'perfect' time to have a baby. We never know what our life will bring six months, or even six weeks from now. My first child, a daughter, came along much sooner than we were planning. We were married, but planning on waiting several years before having children to (like you) get ourselves better situated financially and so that my husband could get a phD. I got pregnant and it changed a lot of the course of our life -- but honestly completely for the better. That doesn't mean it was always easy and we were definitely tight for the first few years of our marriage, but I think we are much stronger as a couple because of it and now, 10 years later, things are going fabulously in all respects!

More importantly, we adore that girl and can't imagine life without her. On that note, I can't promise that if you go through with the abortion you won't feel guilt or regret, as you think you might. I can, however, absolutely promise that when you give birth to your little son or daughter and they hand him or her into your arms, you will not regret for one second deciding to become a mother. You and Jeramy will never look back and wish this little one away for the sake of bad timing. You've pointed out that you are masters of making things work out and rolling with it -- I know you'll do great and both rise to the occasion of parenthood.

I also want to say that as far as unsupportive relatives go, while they may be upset for a bit now, there's nothing like a baby to heal relationships and soften cranky people. Besides, it sounds like you have a great and committed fiancé who's got your back.

Others have mentioned a lot of great programs that will help get you through the rough spot, and your professors will probably be very accommodating as well. One of my friends in college had her first baby in April when she was set to graduate in May, and everyone was very helpful and worked with her to make sure she was able to graduate with no problem.

Anyhow, very best wishes and keep us posted!
Justiah and Rainbow Momma like this.
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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December 27th, 2013, 09:53 PM
First-time Mommy-to-Be!
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 31
Oh I know, when I was much younger I had to go through a complicated abortion because of a poor choice I'd made and I was too young and too small to survive a pregnancy and delivery. I had to make that choice for myself once before, and it was difficult even then, knowing that if I had the baby one or both of us might not make it. It is even more difficult now knowing that I'm in better health, had previously thought that because of those complications I couldn't carry a child, and now am with the love of my life and would be thrilled to have a family. I'm conflicted because of our financial situation and how complicated all of this could be...me finding a job with my degree that would be willing to accept me knowing I'd be taking maternity leave so soon after starting, trying to catch up on the debts we have now and fighting resistance and negativity from family, all while desperately trying to finish my senior year of college while living with anxiety. It's a tough decision either way. On one hand, we could abort and attempt to plan things out as we'd kind of planned to already, yet we'd both have to live with that decision and hope that we didn't mess up our chance. On the other hand, we could go through with the pregnancy, take it all as it comes, and potentially turn out just fine. There are so many unknowns that make this an especially difficult decision to make... I don't know how people do it.

I have briefly considered adoption, but as selfish as it may sound, any child I bear is a child I want to raise myself. I would be happy to give a loving couple the child they'd always wanted... but I'd be without my baby. This is such a life-changing moment!

And to that last post... thank you so much for the supportive and kind words! I don't know what to say, so many women have shown me so much support since I posted about our situation, and thanks to this it has really made me think about this more and raise more questions between Jeramy and I. We have been discussing it on and off and have been more open about the possibility of keeping the baby, and it is wonderful to have a window opened instead of fully jumping into the decision to abort without wholeheartedly sitting down and discussing what going through with it would entail for us.
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December 27th, 2013, 10:46 PM
Justiah's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 742
When I was 15 I fell pregnant... I know exactly how you feel I absolutely was not ready for a baby and could not support him. I had a lot of family pressure to Abort him but in the end I could not do it.I even had an apt set.. but this was a child inside me and he needed to be in my body to grow, I wanted to choose life for him. I'm sure you can you imagine I was scared out of my mind to tell my Mom but after the shock of it all she was very supportive.. I choose to put him up for Adoption.. I had an open Adoption and I am so happy we did... I love the family who is raising him and he gets to live a life I couldn't have given him. I know how you feel not wanting anyone else to raise your child but this baby is already living so your choosing life or death for Him/Her. You will be without your Baby through Abortion in the most permanent sense ..My son is now going on 8 and he is amazing kid. I get to see him every year and we talk on the phone for hours I get updated pictures and I cant imagine life without him... Please if I can do anything for you Please message me... I pray you will choose life for you child... Your baby is not a bunch of cells as they will tell you they are so much more. please take the time before making your decision to look into the development at this stage it is incredible! I now have 3 more children and one more on the way they are the light of my life please please look past the situation you are in now and try and see what the future holds.
Rainbow Momma likes this.

Last edited by Justiah; December 27th, 2013 at 11:31 PM.
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December 28th, 2013, 06:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
If you think your family would not be helpful at this point in time, I wouldn't breathe a word of it to them. You're right, they're added stress and I don't think that will help you or your fiance.

Top priority (outside of starting prenatal stuff) is to help your fiance. It sounds like he needs more support. Do you know of any friends with kids who arrived on the scene unexpectedly? What about single dads? If you don't know any personally maybe try to research a few good men's groups online that he can vent and ask his questions (respect his privacy in this, he most likely will phrase things or say things that aren't kind. Treat it like a diary).

I think that when people get caught in an unexpected pregnancy the first thing that they do is isolate themselves. Y'all need to get out of your own heads for a bit. You have MONTHS to figure things out, and you will do it. It's just going to be one little bit at a time. Your whole days and nights don't have to be about the pregnancy. Relax. Go for a walk. Have sex (totally safe unless a doctor says otherwise). Try to do positive things for yourselves. Once you guys are used to the idea and are comfortable with each other again, then you can start letting more people know. The more united and strong you are, the less what others say will affect you. Things your mother says now that before would have sent you to the bathroom in tears will just get an eyeroll. She may be your mom, but you're a mom now, too so you've got the Mama Bear juice flowing through you, lol.

'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!

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December 28th, 2013, 07:43 AM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansa City, MO
Posts: 2,005
Justiah and myself have very similar stories, i found myself pregnant at 15 as well and loved that baby pieces. i loved that baby so much i knew that she deserved a far better life than what i could give her at 15 so i placed her with a absolutely wonderful family and i get to see her about once a year and i get picture updates all the time (her mom is photographer which helps lol). Hardest but best decision i have ever made.
Now i dont know your familiy personally of course but they may be shocked/disappointed/angry etc. at first but they will more than likely come around. when my mom found out i was pregnant when i was 15 she straight up kicked me out of the house but after i gave birth she realized what a strong woman i was and our relationship has gotten better. perfect by no stretch of the imagination but better!
We are always here to talk to so if you feel like you have no support in the "real world" we're here!
Justiah likes this.
Amanda, patner to Angel
TTC our first!!
Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06
Mom to Ryden, Angel in Heavan 5/21/10

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January 4th, 2014, 06:17 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
How are you doing? Any updates?

'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!

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