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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 2 Post By mamatomany
  • 1 Post By smsturner

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January 10th, 2014, 09:45 AM
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1
I am split right in the middle about parenting or abortion. I was in a fling with a man for 3 mos here in LA. He lives in NY and has an 18 month old son whom he says is his priority aside from his career. He does not want it and prefer that I abort it. I just want to make sure I am making the decision not because he doesn't want it but because I think its the best thing to do…I am 34 years old, living with my mother, just became a lawyer (not making the $ yet). I wanted a child but I ideally want to raise it with two parents since I was raised by a single mother. I am getting older and I am afraid that my clock is ticking and may never have this opportunity again. I am so confused.
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January 11th, 2014, 10:58 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
First of all, all the ladies on here will tell you that your decision should have Nothing to do with what the father thinks about it being convenient, not being his priority, not wanting anything to do with your baby, etc. It was his decision to have sex with you, and if he doesn't want to take responsibility for the child you conceived, that makes him a jerk, but does not give him the right to pressure you emotionally to abort your baby. You are this baby's mother, you have been given the opportunity to parent your own son or daughter, and if you want to raise this baby he should have nothing but encouragement. If he doesn't, he shouldn't be in your life.

Now, you have a place to live, are beginning a good career, and totally can do this. Having made it through law school already shows that you're crazy on top of things. You got this no problem! I also want to say that you should not worry about raising this child on your own permanently. I know plenty of women who were single moms initially and then found great guys who took the father roll for their child or children.

Take a deep breath. You can do this, and when your little son or daughter is finally nestled in your arms you will absolutely have no regrets.
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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January 11th, 2014, 11:14 PM
MommyofAngels1985's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 594
I think the previous poster just about covered everything . You sound like you have everything prepared to start your life with your son or daughter. Anything that may not be ready yet you still have 9 months to prepare. Things don't always go as we plan but they do happen for a reason and this is your chance to become a loving mother to that little angel. When you see their first ultrasound at 10 week, 20 weeks and when he or she is placed in your arms you will know you made the right decision. Congratulations on your lil blessing!!
Married to Michael since May 14, 2010
Mommy to Sophie Lee Ann, 02-09-11
Mommy to Melody Beatrice Elizabeth, 09-27-12

Mommy to Abigail Sarah Louise, 1-20-2015

Last edited by MommyofAngels1985; January 11th, 2014 at 11:21 PM.
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January 12th, 2014, 08:17 PM
casslou1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 915
I completely agree with the other two posts. You really don't need a man to raise a baby. I have raised my first two kids alone for the past 8 years. Just 2 years ago, I found my soul mate and he has stepped up to be a father to my kids when their sperm donor wouldn't. I don't regret bringing them into this world at all.

Do what is right for you.
CassieMom to three wonderful, crazy, kids

waiting to be matched with IP's to become a first time surrogate
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January 13th, 2014, 10:27 AM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansa City, MO
Posts: 2,005
like the other ladies said. you konw whats best for you and your baby. you can definately do this on your own if he doesnt step up to help.

but if you do plan to not keep the baby, adoption is always an option as well!
Amanda, patner to Angel
TTC our first!!
Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06
Mom to Ryden, Angel in Heavan 5/21/10

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January 13th, 2014, 02:12 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,884
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I'm sorry for your stress and frustration. I agree that things look good for single parenting, and doing this on your own. Especially with the father's financial support. That's not his choice. However, YOU have to be the one that is comfortable and happy with your choice. NOT him. Too late for him to make the choice.
I would suggest some counseling, because it's such a huge decision either way, you feel like you're being pressured, and you don't want to regret anything by choosing too quickly. They might even be able to help you deal with what to say to him.
In the end, If you are not comfortable doing this by yourself, it is YOUR choice to have an abortion. Not anyone else's. Certainly not the jerk that's being totally unfair to you. Be sure to think your decision through, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty or like you've done the wrong thing. It's your life, and you need to be ok with whatever you decide!

Good luck! I hope things work out wonderfully.
missy123 likes this.
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (15), ds Marcus (13), Our together miracle, baby Dean, 17 months

Crazy enough to try all over again for a second together baby! Hoping for a much less wild ride this time!

TTC with PCOS for 5 very long years. Annovulatory cycles. Multiple doctors. Different meds. One horrible loss. And then one wonderful success, born 2/18/14.

I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26/13
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