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Cheated on my husband with his brother and now I'm pregnant. What do I do?

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 2 Post By mamatomany
  • 2 Post By casslou1
  • 5 Post By smsturner
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  • 2 Post By MerinSun

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January 12th, 2014, 04:59 PM
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1
I'm about 9 weeks along. The baby might not be my husband's. It might be his brothers. I love my brother in law like I've never loved a man before but I already have 3 kids with my husband and I'm not willing to break up my family. Should I keep the baby and pass it off as my husband's or abort it or tell my husband and hope he doesn't leave us? What do I do?
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January 12th, 2014, 07:09 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Well, first of all it's not the baby's fault that there's some drama in your life. Aborting the baby won't solve your problems either.

First of all, you are going to need to come clean to your husband. You can find out later who is the baby's father if you and he decide that's important to know. You should go to counseling together. You do have three children and he's loved and supported you, so don't bail on all this lightly.

Overall my advice would be to work on your marriage and getting your relationships and priorities in order and don't stress about the pregnancy.
MerinSun and Rainbow Momma like this.
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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January 12th, 2014, 08:11 PM
casslou1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 915
I would say that you first need to decide what is best for you and your kids. If you love your husband and want to be with him then you should focus on working on your marriage. If your marriage is over, you should focus on moving on and builing a stable envornment for your kids. If that includes a new baby then you can always get a paternity test later on. If it doesn't, then do what is best for you/your kids. Also, abortion isn't the only other option, adoption is also a wonderful gift.
Lyndsey2013 and Rainbow Momma like this.
CassieMom to three wonderful, crazy, kids

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January 13th, 2014, 10:22 AM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansa City, MO
Posts: 2,005
I agree with the ladies above. I feel like you should come clean with your husband. He has the right to know and you keeping it in will probably raise your stress level which is never good for the baby.
Amanda, patner to Angel
TTC our first!!
Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06
Mom to Ryden, Angel in Heavan 5/21/10

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January 13th, 2014, 01:47 PM
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
Thanks for sharing so openly about your situation. I can hear you're in a difficult spot right now.

Any woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant, especially given the circumstances, would be anxious about the future. That anxiety sometimes causes women to consider abortion. I want to caution you from making that decision, though, as it will have long-term consequences that may not be forseeble right now.

Are you currently continuing the relationship with your brother-in-law or have you cut it off?
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January 13th, 2014, 02:00 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
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Please keep in mind that if you choose abortion, you should not feel guilty. I'm surprised people think they are being supportive while shaming you for considering that option. It is YOUR choice, and it is not a 'punishment' to the developing fetus.
I think that maybe you should get together with a counselor to talk to someone that can give you support and good advice, and also inform you about your options, so you go in with your eyes wide open.
Good luck.
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (15), ds Marcus (13), Our together miracle, baby Dean, 17 months

Crazy enough to try all over again for a second together baby! Hoping for a much less wild ride this time!

TTC with PCOS for 5 very long years. Annovulatory cycles. Multiple doctors. Different meds. One horrible loss. And then one wonderful success, born 2/18/14.

I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26/13

Last edited by smsturner; January 13th, 2014 at 02:03 PM.
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January 13th, 2014, 06:06 PM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Kansa City, MO
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Amanda, patner to Angel
TTC our first!!
Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06
Mom to Ryden, Angel in Heavan 5/21/10

Last edited by Rainbow Momma; January 13th, 2014 at 06:08 PM. Reason: nevermind
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January 13th, 2014, 07:06 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,894
Your in a very difficult situation for sure and add a pregnancy on top of that.....its almost too much for any one to handle. It sounds as if you love your BIL very much and obviously this could be his. Have you talked about it to him? Is he willing to loose all communication with his family if this secret comes out? Because lets face it, most likely, your husbands family may not forgive you and BIL. As for the baby, thats a tough one for sure. Not only do you face bringing your BIL's baby into the world, but possibly your own childrens, brother/sister/half-cousin/half brother or sister! There is alot to consider. This decesion will, no matter the outcome, will affect EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE. Choose the path that you can live with, as ultimately, you may loose both men in your life and only have your children left to consider. I wish you well and pray that you find some support from family/friends.
momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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January 13th, 2014, 07:48 PM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar expecting in June 2018
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 655
I think you already know what the right thing to do is: tell your husband and handle the consequences - him possibly leaving you.

That being said, I don't think I would be strong enough to do that if I were in your shoes. I agree with the others that you need to decide if you want to work on your marriage or if you think things are meant to be with BIL. From there you can decide which direction to go. Chances are high that your husband would want to leave you under the circumstances. Is that what you want? Then it might be easier to tell him. I think only you can decide what is going to be the right thing for you to do.
Juliana Rose, 1/7/13
Gabriel Tomás, 4/29/14
***ectopic rupture*** 6/2/16
expecting live baby #3! DUE 6/2/18

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January 14th, 2014, 10:21 AM
Super Mommy to be
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,146
I agree to tell your husband and go from there and I also encourage you not to abort the baby. He or she is perfectly innocent and is already a live being. Someone already reminded you of the consequences of aborting and those consequences may not be apparent right now other than your baby will no longer be alive and you will still have this secret and stress.

I realize this is an extremely difficult situation. Good luck to you and happy endings to you and your family, including the new baby.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
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January 16th, 2014, 07:41 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
I would like to tack on to all of the advice up above is that it is still possible that this baby is your husband's. I don't know if that would change anything for you, but it is another thing to consider.
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January 19th, 2014, 09:52 PM
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: United Sates
Posts: 7
You have to face the consequences. Tell him the truth and save yourself from a lifetime of lies. I know that you know sooner or later that it would come to this. He may or may not leave you but no matter what happens, be sure to be there for your kids.

Last edited by JessicaLexington; January 19th, 2014 at 09:56 PM.
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