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5 weeks pregnant. More than a little conflicted.

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 1 Post By WhynotaddtomyZoo
  • 2 Post By mamatomany
  • 1 Post By MommyofAngels1985
  • 3 Post By flitabout

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February 11th, 2014, 11:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,180
Good grief, I posted about my surprise pregnancy on two other forums before coming here, and people were vicious! I'm feeling more discouraged than ever. Please be nice. It's not graceful, I know, but I don't need more criticism, please, I've had plenty.
Here's what happened. I recently had to switch BC after 7 years of use because my brand was discontinued. I tried a new one, but I had horrible side effects and had to stop before I finished the first pack. I spoke to my doctor about it and she suggested I take a couple of months off of BC before trying a new one.
We used a sloppy combination of mixed contraceptives in the downtime - it was part calendar, part condom, part spermicide. Obviously, something went wrong somewhere. I was really upset when I found out, but my husband was ecstatic - I knew he wanted kids, but we had agreed it was not a good time; we are still working on paying off our wedding and some other debts, and we're not exactly raking in the dough.
I had more I wanted to do with my 'single' life - vacations, traveling, parties, furthering my education... now that the news has settled a bit, I'm coping with it a bit better and trying to look at the bright side - how cool is it that I'm carrying another life inside of me? - but I'm also really scared that I'm not ready and that having a child now will only get in the way of trying to better myself, and I feel like kids could have come a lot more comfortably later (I'm almost 24). My husband is super excited and can't wait to tell people, but I'm dreading telling people because I'm secretly pretty disappointed. I don't think an abortion is even a remote possibility - I would never be able to forgive myself - but I'm having trouble coming to terms with it and I can't seem to convince myself that this isn't the beginning of the end.
Anyone have advice/insight? How did you cope with your surprise? Heck, even just post cute photos or tell me about some of the wonderful things I have to look forward to! Any and all advice/encouragement appreciated... thanks for reading.
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February 11th, 2014, 11:52 AM
WhynotaddtomyZoo's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 131
If people waited to have babies once they felt "stable" nobody would have kids! Haha

The good thing is you have 8 more months to figure everything out.

I had a friend like you....but worse. ....one night stand (so single mom, never wanted kids....TRIPLETS!

Her babies are almost 3....if you asked her now how she feels, would she rather be living her life pre-babies. Answer "HELL NO!"

Yeah not everything will be about you anymore but I have a feeling once you hold that beautiful baby of yours for the 1st time you won't care.
shana1979 likes this.
(8) - 9/26/07 - Surprise!
(5) - 5/16/11 - 3yrs TTC➡Clomid 150mg & IUI
(2) - 5/20/14 - Surprise!

#4 - EDD 1/20/17 - 3mo TTC➡Clomid 100mg & Trigger

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February 11th, 2014, 12:07 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I wanted to add that the difficulty right now is you see all the perceived negatives -- the things you're giving up, the things that you won't be able to do. But it's harder to see the positives, because they're not tangible yet. You can't even imagine the overwhelming joy and love you're going to feel for this baby and the deep emotions you're going to experience when they first put that little baby in your arms. Those things aren't tangible yet for you, but they are seriously going to blow your mind. On top of all that, you mention wanting to better yourself-- I can tell you that becoming a mom is the fast track to becoming more mature, more responsible, less selfish, and more patient. I know because I've been there! I had my daughter when I was 22. Like you, my husband and I were planning on waiting a few years to have kids. My daughter is about to turn 10 and she is a gem, a delight, and I'm tearing up right now just writing that I can't imagine life without her. I'm so glad my original plans didnt work out!

So it's totally normal to feel conflicted. It can take a while for an unexpected pregnancy to sink in. For now just relax, enjoy the excitement of your husband, and remember this is a little son or daughter who's going to be the light of your life .

I also encourage you to join a due date board here on just mommies to connect with other moms due the same month as you. You'll probably find other ladies are feeling similar things and the moms here are so supportive and encouraging. Best wishes and keep us posted!
Urchin and Sylvera like this.
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.

Last edited by mamatomany; February 11th, 2014 at 12:12 PM.
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February 11th, 2014, 06:30 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 729
Timing may never be perfect. There will always be something to come up that you wished you could do, and yes, money will be tighter, but there is no other feeling like it in the world the first time you look into your baby's eyes. He or she loves you unconditionally...you are their world and they will in turn be yours. It's truly a miracle. We may be strapped sometimes but I wouldn't trade having my sweet kiddos for all the vacations, the biggest house, freedom to do what I want for anything in the world.

And here is a cute baby picture for you.
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February 13th, 2014, 06:54 PM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 331
It took me a couple of months to come to terms with the impact of,this pregnancy on my life and how it would impact my other children who are older. I'm 24 weeks now and super excited. Give it some time. I bet in 20 weeks you will be feeling much better. (At least emotionally, maybe not physically)
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February 14th, 2014, 01:08 AM
MommyofAngels1985's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 594
The other ladies are right! I was still pretty young when I started having my girls. I was 25 when I delivered my first and a few days after I turned 27 I had my second, they are only 19 months apart and very close already . I have a wonderful husband who has turned into an amazing father and you are very lucky in that aspect to have the same. Money is tight at times and what money we do get to spare I happily use it on something for the girls . I couldn't imagine my life without them and you will feel the same when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time.

I remember with my first pregnancy I was very excited, she was a surprise lol. When I got pregnant again 11 months after I delivered my first I remember going through emotions of excitement and worry. I was constantly worrying how I was going to take care of two children when I was just learning how to take care of one. As soon as I held her though all that fear went away and you just know what to do. Trust me, this is not the end but the beginning of a better life for you and your husband. I wouldn't trade my girls for anything, not even for a life full of parties and more money . Congratulations!!!!

Sylvera likes this.
Married to Michael since May 14, 2010
Mommy to Sophie Lee Ann, 02-09-11
Mommy to Melody Beatrice Elizabeth, 09-27-12

Mommy to Abigail Sarah Louise, 1-20-2015

Last edited by MommyofAngels1985; February 14th, 2014 at 01:21 AM.
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February 17th, 2014, 06:17 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,468
I agree! I am actually super pro choice....but I think 24-25 I a great time to have a baby! It is a time where your body is really strong and will bounce back quickly. I am pregnant with a surprise - it is rarely the perfect time. But even just from others on this board- sounds like you are in a much more stable place than many. Join a board!!!! I bet it helps you get excited.
Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010) Ophelia due September 2014, born 36.5 weeks on 8/17 at 5 lbs 10 oz

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February 24th, 2014, 06:06 PM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Pipestone, Minnesota
Posts: 6,500
I will make this super easy. Tell me which one of these babies was planned and which one was an accident. Then tell me which is loved more


Can you tell? Because I can't I love them both the same. So intensely it is that it takes my breath away. And now pregnant with my 3rd accident, I have learned that they never come when you are 100% ready but you will get there and never look back!
xzippedx, cooper1414 and Sylvera like this.

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