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Worst timing ever!!!

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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June 4th, 2014, 04:52 PM
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1
I am a 28 year student who went to university because all I did since finishing school was work in terrible jobs. I am just after finishing my second year of a 4 year degree and I am excelling in my grades so far! I am on a Back to Education scheme from our governement (living in Ireland). I don't have a job.

When I finish university with my degree I was going to work and earn money to travel as much as i can, maybe even find a job in a country and settle there for a few years! It has been my plan since I was 25!

My boyfriend and I have only been together for 8 months. He is younger than me (26). He went to college when he finished school, has a masters degree, and now due to our countries terrible economy, he hasnt been able to find a job in 2 years! He suffers from depression from a difficult childhood.

The worst part, I spent the last 6 months raising money through fundraisers to go on a volunteer trip to Africa for a month, and I am leaving NEXT WEEK!!! I have everything i need ready, I am afraid I will eat something bad and get sick and hurt my baby. I am afraid if i take any type of medication or anything it will hurt my baby! My 2 friends are going too, and if I act suspicious they will know something is up, and I dont want anyone to know until I'm at least 3 months.(something my sister has always advised me, she waited with her 4 kids). I am afraid something will bite me. I am going to the doctor next week for his advice about anti-malarial tablets (which my friend has already got for us, and if i tell her i cant take them she will be very suspicious of me!!!)

I found out I was pregnant today, I knew I was, I just knew, I have been on the pill but I wasnt careful like i should have been. I am only 3 and a half weeks pregnant! I am so happy and really excited, and deep down, before my test I was hoping it was positive, but so disappointed too, I am finally in college doing well and have a bit of direction in my life. I haven't told my boyfriend, i wont see him until friday, and this is not something i can tell him in a phone call or a text no way!!
I have no financial stability, my housemate is in my class in college and its not fair on either of us if one of us has to leave because I am pregnant!!! Even before I found out I was thinking that IF I was pregnant I would do everything possible to stay in college.
I am worried how my boyfriend will take it. We havent even said "i love you" yet, even though i do love him. He is such a gentle and sensitive guy but lacks confidence!!!

Please do not judge us because we are both on "benefits". We are trying to improve our lives, my boyfriend has been on JobsBridge schemes that are so demoralising, and he has no hope of finding a fulfilling job (i think one will come along but he is so demotivated). I volunteer every spare time i get and dont sit around on the couch all day drinking cans!

My situation isn't the worst I know, it could be a lot worse!! and i'm grateful that I am in a better situation than some other women out there. Thank you for reading. I just needed to vent because I dont want to tell anyone until I have my boyfriend told!!

Last edited by mimiG; June 4th, 2014 at 04:59 PM.
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June 4th, 2014, 09:51 PM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar expecting in June 2018
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 655
It sounds like you are overwhelmed and may need to reorganize your priorities or adjust your 'needs'.

Do you need to go to Africa?
Do you need to keep your pregnancy a secret?
Do you need to stay with your roommate?

From an outside perspective, it seems like there is some conflict between your needs/wants. Here are some alternative ideas for you to consider:
* Scrap your trip to Africa. You haven't left yet, and if you don't go, you won't have to worry about harming your baby due to being in a foreign land.
* Go on your Africa trip, but tell the people you are going with that you are pregnant. Most people wait to tell in case they have a miscarriage. What are your reasons for wanting to hide it? In your specific case, maybe it would be better to tell so that you have support and people to look out for you while you are there.
* You might need to find a new living arrangement. You have plenty of time to tell your roommate(s)/find a subleaser/etc... It's not fair to expect a roommate you are not in a romantic relationship with to put up with a newborn. Newborns are needy and can be up at all hours of the night. Whether you find a place with your man or move back home, you should start thinking about the kind of conversation you need to have surrounding this.

These are just some initial thoughts. I hope once you have had more time to think about your situation that you start to feel more at ease with the new direction your life seems to be taking. Good luck and have a happy, healthy pregnancy!
Juliana Rose, 1/7/13
Gabriel Tomás, 4/29/14
***ectopic rupture*** 6/2/16
expecting live baby #3! DUE 6/2/18

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June 6th, 2014, 11:12 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,468
I am sorry it is bad timing, but congrats! Yeah, these things can really come at terrible times. I really get that.

If I were you I would:
- Scrap trip to Africa. Too dangerous right now and when your pregnancy symptoms hit you wont want to be there.
- Focus 100% on school - get it don as fast as possible. You have 9 months to pack in classes.
- Travel with your kid a little later in life when you have a good job and can afford it.
- Enjoy your baby!!!!! And hopefully with a supportive BF.

That is just my two cents. You can have it all - but maybe not all at once. Your plans arent canceled, just changed or delayed. You can do it!!!!!!

Join a DDC - Feb I guess? That will have other girls that are about 3 weeks also and can continue to help you as you navigate the next "phase."

I hope I helped.....I really understand and empathize with how you feel. But all in all, being a mom is the best thing I did - and I have both a Master's and have traveled the world (both with kids).
Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010) Ophelia due September 2014, born 36.5 weeks on 8/17 at 5 lbs 10 oz

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June 18th, 2014, 01:49 PM
riversongbella's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 475
The adventure in me says go. If you are physically capable to travel, why not, being pg is just like a minor disability temporary. How long is your trip? Or see the doctor and ask medical opinion about traveling abroad? to get some other info about that decision
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July 12th, 2014, 01:18 AM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 8
The decision is completely up to you, which makes it hard. I can only imagine how much you are looking forward to your trip to Africa. As for the safety of the trip and your pregnancy, I would probably talk to a doctor. How long is the trip. Since you are early in your pregnancy it might be fine. Since you are trying to get through school right now another option you may want to consider is open adoption. It would give you the ability to choose a family to raise your baby so that you could get your education and you would still be able to be a part of the child's life. If you need more information on open adoption, check out openadoptioncalifornia dot com. If you choose to raise the baby, it will all work out..even if it's tough. It's a hard decision, I just thought I would let you know that there is another option just in case you had not heard of it. I wish you the best.
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