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Telling the baby's father you're pregnant? (Not in a relationship)

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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  • 1 Post By flitabout

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July 13th, 2014, 03:27 PM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Hello All,

I am reaching out because I don't have anywhere else to turn.

Recently, an old friend and I reconnected. He had feelings for me when we first met years ago, however I was in a relationship and ended up pushing him away at the time. 8 years later, we have reconnected, but we do not live in the same cities. I see him every so often while I visit mutual friends, and things were never quite the same until this year. We reconnected on a level I thought we never would, and our relationship became physical. I have seen him a few times this year, but the last time I was visiting, we got caught up in a moment and didn't use protection. I was not on birth control, and long story short - I just found out last week that I am pregnant (for the record, he is the only man i've slept with in over a year, so no doubts about paternity).

I am struggling on how I am going to tell him the news - we are friends, like I said we were once very close, but since then he has put up an emotional wall that I cannot break through, which has caused a bit of tension between us. We are not in a relationship given our living situations, but we have an undeniable connection, and he is a great and caring person. I have no doubt that he would make a great father, but this will be as much of a shock to him as it is to me.

We are both over the age of 28 and I do not want an abortion, however I am afraid of how he is going to feel about the topic. We were both not thinking in the moment, but we have created a life and despite his reaction, I believe this is a true blessing, and we are equally as responsible.

Any advice on how to handle this would be much appreciated. I am afraid of his reaction, and that of our friends and family since we were seeing eachother casually. However at the end of the day, it's not really about all of that anymore, my focus is on making sure the baby is healthy and to provide a happy life for him or her. I just want to be able to get this first obstacle out of the way so that I can avoid uncessary stress and focus on next steps.

I am ready to take full responsibility for our baby, whether he chooses to be involved or not, and have no intention of pursuing him financially should he choose to not be in the picture. I also do not expect his feelings for me to change, and I want him to know that I have no intention of pressuring him in that regard either.

That being said, he has the option of walking away, whereas my entire life is about to change - my career goals, financial goals, educational goals .. everything - however I am ready and excited for this new chapter in my life.

Thank you all in advance for your advice, much appreciated !

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July 13th, 2014, 06:46 PM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Pipestone, Minnesota
Posts: 6,500
First things first Congratulations!!!! Babies never seem to show up at the exact right moment do they? The best thing to do is to just tell him you are having a baby. Give him time to process it and don't try to anticipate any reaction either way. Try not to throw anymore of the rest of it at him. Right now you just need to tell him and let him digest it. You don't need to get it all figured out in the first conversation.
lemieuxcrew likes this.

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July 14th, 2014, 09:10 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,468
^^^^^ what she said!
Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010) Ophelia due September 2014, born 36.5 weeks on 8/17 at 5 lbs 10 oz

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July 16th, 2014, 07:16 PM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Thank you for the advice, much appreciated! Wish me luck
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July 17th, 2014, 12:08 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
When I became unexpected pregnant but was early in the relationship (years of infertility....), I just said

"I'm pregant. I'm keeping this baby. You can be involved in it's life as much or as little as you want"

Took that whole abortion conversation out of the picture up front. Good luck! And Congrats!

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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