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Pregnant by a man I saw casually

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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August 5th, 2017, 04:52 AM
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant by a man I saw casually for 2 months before I ended the relationship. I ended it for numerous reasons. 1) I didn't want a relationship because my boyfriend and fiance of 8 years decided to break up with me just 3 months before I got pregnant with this new man. (I told him I didn't want a relationship up front)2) I was receiveing a promotion to management and he is an employee. Obviously a conflict of interest and against company policy.
3) He is quite the partier as he is 27 and 3 years younger than I. He becomes mean and more insecure when intoxicated and I am tired of dealing with men like that. I gave him numerous chances to fix the issue, but I never saw a change.
4) The worst reason of them all, (please dont judge) he wasnt blessed with much down south if you catch my drift, which made sex undesirable.

Anyway, 3 weeks after I end our fling and him being clingy and depressed about my decision to end things, I find out im having his baby. I am in total shock by the results of my pregnancy test since my ex and I never had safe sex ( and had tried to conceive) for nearly 8 years. My heart is breaking because I wish it was my ex's and not his.

I told the father I was pregnant and he was ecstatic. Apparently he was told it was unlikely for him to conceive due to an injury he sustained while in the military. I, on the other hand was still in disbelief. I have always wanted kids and have a decent job, but with poor hours ( 4 p.m to 3 a.m. 5 days a week). This is not how I saw myself having children, but I know that our poor decision to not use protection is not a reason to a abort when we both have the means to support a child.

The father and his family are in 100% which I am so greatful for as my parents live 800 miles away (also supportive but not able to offer support due to location). We haven't yet discussed our parenting arrangements and finances because I wanted to wait until I reach my 2nd trimester. He has helped with finances so far without me having to ask, but its the parenting part that has me in a tough spot. He keeps wanting for us to do things together and be a couple but I have told him I dont want that right now, and that I can't guarantee I ever will. I don't feel like it's right to force a romantic relationship just because I am pregnant. Dont get me wrong, he has some very good qualities and will make an excellent father to our child, but im just not attracted to him like that. I don't know if its because of him, or if im still not completely over my ex, but I have no physical or emotional desire for him. He makes me feel guilty for feeling the way I do (posting depressing statuses on FB) and his insecurity drives me mad. If I dont text back right away he responds with texts like "ok then" or "guess ill leave you alone". That and he would apologize for his lack of size during intercourse, which was a huge turn off when in the throws.

Am I wrong to not try a relationship with this man even If i don't want it?

Is it logical to think I can have a future with my ex even if im having another mans child?

Can we co-parent successfully being seperate?

Worried Mama to be
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October 8th, 2017, 07:33 PM
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 184
Have you talked openly and frankly about your problems and turnoffs? I would definitely consider giving him a trial (with everything your feeling out in the open) for the sake of the baby, but no, you don't have to force yourself into anything (especially drunk anger issues) and especially not out of guilt. Make the most of the family's support because you'll need it, but if things don't work out between you two it would be better to say you tried than you didn't bother.
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