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Fiancé Doesn't Want Child


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
September 20th, 2017, 01:32 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
On Tuesday 9-19-17 I had an appointment at an abortion clinic. I never wanted to have an abortion but my fiancé did so I felt if I made him go to the appointment with me he would see what a terrible idea it was for him to want me to have an abortion. While at the appointment he looked sick. He stated he can't believe how many girls were here. He also looked like he wanted to cry and said he doesn't know if he wants me to come back here but he doesn't know if he wants me to have the baby either.


A little later he said he doesn't think he could come with me if I had an abortion because he doesn't think he can handle it. On the ride home I talked to him about how I really wanted the child but I'm afraid to tell him how I really feel because he doesn't want it and he gets upset when I talk about keeping it. His mom then called him crying about his brother having another mental health episode. He then looked like he checked out and said his mom is stressing him out by calling him crying about his brother and there is nothing he can do being in another state and how she never calls his brother who lives in the same state, she only calls him.


He said he has too much going on right now. I explained to him that I really need him right now because I have an appointment tomorrow at 3pm to have an abortion and this is a life changing decision to make. I asked him if he could please just be there for me today and not answer the phone for his mom for today and tomorrow. After I said this I knew I probably shouldn't have. He didn't say much in response. During the rest of the ride home I talked to him about what I told the counselor and what she told me at the clinic.


When I got home I told him I wanted to have the baby but if he's not going to be supportive I don't think I could do it alone. Words were exchanged, me in support of keeping the child, him in support of abortion. He told me he knew for a fact that I'm not ready and that if I get post partum depression he can't do everything on his own. He said he's done his own research and you need support to have a child and we don't have a support system. He said that he knows people with kids and no one is happy. He said I can get depressed if I have the abortion and if I have the child. He said that children change women and we will never be the same after this. He also said that He will never want to touch me or have sex with me after tho because it's his fault he should have bought me a morning after pill. He said that he will leave me if I snap on him or if I yell at him or if I'm rude to him. (Since I got pregnant I have snapped on him for silly things but I do always apologize...I'm thinking it's the pregnancy hormones.) He said he is not going to deal with it and he will leave me.


So I told him if he continues to say things like that to me then I don't think it will be a healthy environment for me being pregnant and I will be forced to live separately from him due to stress. I told him this can be a positive thing and that we will make it through this together. He continued to tell me he wasn't ready and got up to leave the bedroom. I told him I hate that he is doing this and unfortunately I will end up being with someone else. (Probably shouldn't have said this either, but it's true).


He stated that was his fear and that's exactly why he doesn't want a child with me. He said I don't want him to talk to him mother and she could die and thats what I want. He said his mother is the only one he has and if something happens to her he has no one. (In my opinion he also has an unhealthy relationship with his mother because she is number one in his life, she comes before me. When she cries he cares. When I cry he can easily ignore me so maybe I'm just jealous but he loves her more than me and I know he will never love me like he loves her.) He said he's not surprised I told him not to talk to his mom, he expects things like that from me.


He told me if i keep the baby he will take me to court and take the baby. He then left the room. I called into work and I cried for a little while and fell asleep. Now I'm up on Wednesday 9-20-17 at 1:50am wanting so bad to talk to someone but I don't trust anyone not to judge me and I unfortunately do not want anyone to think badly of him. I know he is a great person but once he thinks something there is nothing I can do to change his mind. I now fear having a man like him as the father of my child. I see him as a scared weak coward little boy that makes excuses instead of the amazing, strong man I fell in love with.


He is the reason I have a bachelors and a masters degree. He is the reason I have goals. He comes from a wealthy family while I come from a poor family and he often says my family can't care for the baby if I did have it. We met in college my freshman year, I was lost and he gave me guidance back then. He is 30 years old and I will be 27 in 3 months. We have been together since college, in November it will be 8 YEARS together. We have never broken up, he has never cheated and he has always been good to me except when I get pregnant.


I don't want to have another abortion just for him. I had an abortion for him and my mom in 2010 and 2011 because I was in college and he said I was trying to ruin his life and my mom said I needed to finish school first and she wanted better for me. I was weak and stupid then. I feel stronger now. A part, a tiny part of me knows if I have the abortion I can leave him and never have to deal with him again but is that worth my child's life? I don't think so...


My head is pounding, I feel numb, and lost. I'm 5.5 weeks pregnant. I'm really just venting but I would love advice or to hear from anyone with a similar experience and how you handled it.
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  #2  
October 2nd, 2017, 05:05 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Totalshock View Post
On Tuesday 9-19-17 I had an appointment at an abortion clinic. I never wanted to have an abortion but my fiancé did so I felt if I made him go to the appointment with me he would see what a terrible idea it was for him to want me to have an abortion. While at the appointment he looked sick. He stated he can't believe how many girls were here. He also looked like he wanted to cry and said he doesn't know if he wants me to come back here but he doesn't know if he wants me to have the baby either.


A little later he said he doesn't think he could come with me if I had an abortion because he doesn't think he can handle it. On the ride home I talked to him about how I really wanted the child but I'm afraid to tell him how I really feel because he doesn't want it and he gets upset when I talk about keeping it. His mom then called him crying about his brother having another mental health episode. He then looked like he checked out and said his mom is stressing him out by calling him crying about his brother and there is nothing he can do being in another state and how she never calls his brother who lives in the same state, she only calls him.


He said he has too much going on right now. I explained to him that I really need him right now because I have an appointment tomorrow at 3pm to have an abortion and this is a life changing decision to make. I asked him if he could please just be there for me today and not answer the phone for his mom for today and tomorrow. After I said this I knew I probably shouldn't have. He didn't say much in response. During the rest of the ride home I talked to him about what I told the counselor and what she told me at the clinic.


When I got home I told him I wanted to have the baby but if he's not going to be supportive I don't think I could do it alone. Words were exchanged, me in support of keeping the child, him in support of abortion. He told me he knew for a fact that I'm not ready and that if I get post partum depression he can't do everything on his own. He said he's done his own research and you need support to have a child and we don't have a support system. He said that he knows people with kids and no one is happy. He said I can get depressed if I have the abortion and if I have the child. He said that children change women and we will never be the same after this. He also said that He will never want to touch me or have sex with me after tho because it's his fault he should have bought me a morning after pill. He said that he will leave me if I snap on him or if I yell at him or if I'm rude to him. (Since I got pregnant I have snapped on him for silly things but I do always apologize...I'm thinking it's the pregnancy hormones.) He said he is not going to deal with it and he will leave me.


So I told him if he continues to say things like that to me then I don't think it will be a healthy environment for me being pregnant and I will be forced to live separately from him due to stress. I told him this can be a positive thing and that we will make it through this together. He continued to tell me he wasn't ready and got up to leave the bedroom. I told him I hate that he is doing this and unfortunately I will end up being with someone else. (Probably shouldn't have said this either, but it's true).


He stated that was his fear and that's exactly why he doesn't want a child with me. He said I don't want him to talk to him mother and she could die and thats what I want. He said his mother is the only one he has and if something happens to her he has no one. (In my opinion he also has an unhealthy relationship with his mother because she is number one in his life, she comes before me. When she cries he cares. When I cry he can easily ignore me so maybe I'm just jealous but he loves her more than me and I know he will never love me like he loves her.) He said he's not surprised I told him not to talk to his mom, he expects things like that from me.


He told me if i keep the baby he will take me to court and take the baby. He then left the room. I called into work and I cried for a little while and fell asleep. Now I'm up on Wednesday 9-20-17 at 1:50am wanting so bad to talk to someone but I don't trust anyone not to judge me and I unfortunately do not want anyone to think badly of him. I know he is a great person but once he thinks something there is nothing I can do to change his mind. I now fear having a man like him as the father of my child. I see him as a scared weak coward little boy that makes excuses instead of the amazing, strong man I fell in love with.


He is the reason I have a bachelors and a masters degree. He is the reason I have goals. He comes from a wealthy family while I come from a poor family and he often says my family can't care for the baby if I did have it. We met in college my freshman year, I was lost and he gave me guidance back then. He is 30 years old and I will be 27 in 3 months. We have been together since college, in November it will be 8 YEARS together. We have never broken up, he has never cheated and he has always been good to me except when I get pregnant.


I don't want to have another abortion just for him. I had an abortion for him and my mom in 2010 and 2011 because I was in college and he said I was trying to ruin his life and my mom said I needed to finish school first and she wanted better for me. I was weak and stupid then. I feel stronger now. A part, a tiny part of me knows if I have the abortion I can leave him and never have to deal with him again but is that worth my child's life? I don't think so...


My head is pounding, I feel numb, and lost. I'm 5.5 weeks pregnant. I'm really just venting but I would love advice or to hear from anyone with a similar experience and how you handled it.
Hello, I want you to know you're not alone. Are you still pregnant? Please keep your baby. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. You are strong and you can do this. I am a mom and I care about you and your baby. If you take charge and tell your boyfriend you are keeping the baby wether or not he like it he will most likely calm down. Either way, he cannot take you to court and take the baby. As far as I know that is just not true. You are the mom and it is against the law. If you need free legal counsel, you can contact Life Legal Defence. They helped me in the past. Please keep you baby. You can do this for yourself and your child!
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  #3  
October 2nd, 2017, 12:43 PM
MindyRambo's Avatar Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 839
He is complete trash. Why is he still your fiancé?
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You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
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  #4  
October 8th, 2017, 07:21 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 169
Whatever happened? I'm ashamed of myself for not looking at this before, girl if you or anyone else reading this needs a support system I'm here. Message me and I'll keep in touch, I'll email, answer questions but best of all pray to God who gave life to you and that baby inside of you and can help you if you turn to him. No, your fiance doesn't need to be bashed, he's scared too. And its a huge weight to bear for the man too. If you need anything, email [email protected]
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