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I dont know how to stop these negative thoughts

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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June 1st, 2005, 01:14 PM
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1
[FONT=Courier][COLOR=purple]I dont know what to do. My husband and I got married in March and hadnt planned on becoming pregnant so soon after getting married. He has an 8 year old girl from a previous relationship, and Im just having a hard time dealing with this pregnancy and how hes not excited about it. I am so worried that this pregnancy is not going to be special to him because hes already been through it all before. Its my first pregnancy, and I wish it was his first time going through it also. I know it seems stupid to be thinking about all this stuff, but I feel like hes not excited about our pregnancy cause he loved his ex more than he does me. I dont want this pregnancy to go along any of the same lines that his ex's did, and I dont know how im gonna deal with 7 more months of stressing about his past. Please give me some advice on what I should do to get these awful thoughts out of my head.
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June 1st, 2005, 02:49 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 57,412
First off let me congratulat you on your pregnancy! I hope you have a healthy and HAPPY nine months!!!

Ok, now about your husband.... I personally think communication is key to any relationship and I think you should express some of your feelings to him. My daughter was unplanned as well, and my husband wasn't too thrilled with the idea in the beginning, but eventually he did come around and share in the happiness. I included him in doctor's appointments and we talked a lot about the changes that were going to happen.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and please know that all the women on this board are extremely good listeners and very supportive!

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June 1st, 2005, 08:06 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
Welcome to JM and congrats!

Like Christine said I would talk to him. He may just be upset because things didnt go as planned but some of the best things if life arent planned. It may help to come up with a new plan that you guys can be excited about and grow into. Good luck.

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June 2nd, 2005, 06:32 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,057
Hi, welcome to JM.

Guys don't see things the way we do. He's thinking bills and college funds and "blended families" and so on, and you're thinking of names and how to decorate the nursery. Plus, he's not living with it every minute like you are. He isn't looking at changes in his diet, drinking, size, wardrobe or anything at all... not to mention morning sickness or lack of sleep. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you... there's a reason she's the "EX" and you're not. It's just one of the bazillion differences between the sexes.

So give him a kiss, and go out shopping. HIt Babies R Us, and just wander. Pick up a baby name book and do all the planning you want. He'll love this baby just as much as you do. ANd, if you're on decent terms with your step daughter,(and it wouldn't cause a major problem between her and her mom) include her in some of the planning. She'll love you forever for it.
MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)
JULIA (2-17-00)
KIRA (2-04-03)
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June 2nd, 2005, 12:21 PM
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ITA w/ Alice. She's definitely the "ex" for a reason and if he loved her more than he does you, he would be w/ her, not you. Anyways, guys are almost never excited over the thought of having a baby. Like Alice said, he's thinking about all the negatives, while you are thinking of all the fun stuff you get to do and planning and getting gifts, ect. Guys take a while to adjust, so just give it time, and if you can include your stepdaughter, go for it. I am sure that he will love this little one just as much, if not MORE, then he loves his 8 year old. And I'm more than sure that he absolutely ADORES you. Why else would he have married you??? Have some fun and try to get your mind off of it for a while. Just cuz he's not thrilled about it, doesn't mean you have to be down about it too. If you want to be excited, go for it! He will come around, just give him some time to adjust.

Good luck dear!
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June 2nd, 2005, 10:34 PM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
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I'm married, and this baby was also a surprise, as is yours. It took my husband close to most of the first trimester to just get used to the idea - I agree with whoever said that they're thinking financial and college funds!!!

I started sending my DH links to info pages about new dads and stuff, maybe you could do some research on blending families etc and let him read some stuff. But TALK!!! Communication is sooo essential.

I wish you luck, and a healthy pregnancy! Congrats!!!!
I predict a riot.
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June 6th, 2005, 06:05 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 573
I know how you feel. My DBF seems about the least excited any man can be short of putting me on a bus toward the clinic.

He is insensitive and annoying me to no end...so I feel you on the disappointment oer his lack of excitement. Hang in there and dont let that kill your joy

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June 8th, 2005, 09:35 AM
mom2Silas&amp;Aidan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 515
My DH and I got pregnant soon after getting married. He never seemed excited during the whole pregnancy (thank goodness for supportive message boards). That's just how he is. (He likes to hide his emotions) I see men out there rubbing or kissing their wife's belly. This is my 3rd pregnancy and he still doesn't do that (he doesn't even go to doctor's appointments this time around). But he's a great dad! He loves his boys to no end. He even admits he gets jealous when our oldest goes to play with other kids and ignores him. He was there for me during labor and delivery. Some men just don't know how to act and like someone mentioned above, they see pregnancy different than we do. I would talk to my DH and tell him how it made me feel and then he would explain his actions. Communication is definitely the key.

Congrats on your pregnancy. I hope things go smoothly for you.
Silas 2/02, Aidan 6/04 and Savannah 11/05
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