Log In Sign Up

My boyfriend thinks....


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Unplanned Pregnancy LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 22nd, 2006, 08:42 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Appleton WI
Posts: 641
Hi Ladies! I'm hoping someone can give me insight or just a shoulder cry on maybe because I need some help. I have just found out that I am at least 6 weeks pregnant. I go in for my first appt next week, so I guess I'll know for sure then. My boyfriend and I have not been together this long, about 6 months, but we have been living together the last 2. Our relationship has gone excellent, with not one fight or really a disagreement. My boyfriend does have 2 kids (who are 6 and 2) from his previous marriage. He is 29 and I am 27. Robby is bipolar though. Not the, crazy suicidal types and he really is just a down type of person. But, none the less, he is not on his medicine (even though he knows he should be, he says he can't afford to go to the pyschologist to get his.) But, he knows he should be on it and is going to try getting into someone next week. For anyone that knows about bipolar- it makes it hard to make up your mind and your thoughts race a lot. Thanks for following so far- now to my problem.

Tonight, we had talked about us and the "baby" (even though he says you really can't call it a baby yet) and talked about an abortion. Let me be clear- I really have no idea what an abortion entails, but I always known that I would not have one. He said that as long as it doesn't have a heartbeat, he has no problem with it. The thing is, he has already had one. His girlfriend (who would later become his wife and mother of his children) and him had one when they were 16. Then, he didn't get upset with me, but he said he couldn't believe that I didn't know I was pregnant before now. Am I really behind the times here? I was never regular as it was and I am a faithful user of bc. But, my cycles are usually between 38 and 45 days and there have been months were I've never gotten one. Then, he said that he didn't think he had any time or money for a new baby because he's got 2 kids already. And that just hurt my feelings. He did ask for my opinion and while I try to understand how he feels, I just can't. Then, he went onto say he was sure about us, but wondered if we were moving too fast. A little late for that, don't you think. I just don't know how to handle this and I don't know what to do. Anyone, opinion please? What do I do when my boyfriend hates our "baby" or embryo or whatever he would choose to think of it as. Thanks for the reading!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 22nd, 2006, 09:48 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: British Columbia Canada
Posts: 458
Send a message via MSN to Candice Send a message via Yahoo to Candice
Hey hun,

First off... Take a deep breath.... and let it out slowly. Getting stressed out isn't good for you or your baby.

Wiether or not you baby is actually a baby or is in fact a fetus is in the eye of the beholder. I believe that life begins at conception.. so there for to me, your child is infact.. a child. Others don't believe the same as me.. and that is ok. the question is... what do you think it is?

Ok... also Your boyfriend says he has no issue with an abortion if there is no heartbeat.... Well the heart usually developes between 5-8 weeks.... now you will not beable to HEAR this heartbeat.. but if you had an Ultrasound.. you would beable to see it. Does this count to him?

Trust me.. you don't want an abortion... It's not a nice proceedure.. and many of the women who have undergone it.. feel guilty for doing it.

I was a single mom for 4 years before I met my husband.... It's hard but I think it was worth every minute. My daughter (look below for pic.. she's the one with long hair..lol) was the light of my life then.. and now has become a big part of our new family.

Anyways.... I think you need to make this choice for yourself.. and Talk to your boyfriend some more. You can't force him to be a part of this child's life.... but you can let him how what you want.
__________________
<div align="center"></div>



http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/16b04c <--- CLICK ME TO STALK THE CHART
Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 22nd, 2006, 11:33 PM
Frozendesire's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,340
Send a message via MSN to Frozendesire
You need to be quite selfish at a time like this. You need to do what is best for you and your baby.

6 weeks is a perfectly exceptable time to find out your pregnant. I found out around there and then was confirmed when I was about 8 weeks along. So you aren't behind the times
__________________







Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 23rd, 2006, 04:47 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 767
I can relate to you in a lot of ways. I am also 27. My boyfriend (of seven years!) also urged me to get an abortion when I told him I was pregnant -- he even said, "You need to stop seeing this as a moral issue and just get over it." Needless to say, I couldn't "just get over it." For me, it wasn't even a moral issue; I am firmly pro-choice. I don't know what it was. I just couldn't go through with the abortion.

So I made the decision to keep the baby, and our relationship is crumbling. But, if he wants to leave because of this, it is his loss. He still maintains that I can't call it a "baby" yet. And I'm at 17 weeks! I think men just don't understand the early attachment we can have to something we know is growing in our bellies.

I agree that if you decide to keep it, you need to be 100% selfish and put yourself (and baby) first. I know my BF is in pain and upset about my decision, I know he is stressed out by it, but honestly I think he is a big enough boy to take care of himself. I have more important things to concentrate on for the time being.

It's hard going through with the decision without the support of the father. It makes me sad every day, especially when I read about other women going to appointments with their husbands or SOs. But I don't regret my choice and I cannot wait to meet the little one!

I also found out at six weeks. I had had irregular cycles for the previous six months, so I had no real way of knowing. So don't beat yourself up over that.

Good luck to you and keep us posted about how things progress. I will say that the first month after I found out I was pregnant was BY FAR the most difficult. Things have settled now and I am getting excited. So just know that you're in the hard part now, and it will get better.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #5  
December 24th, 2006, 07:28 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: British Columbia Canada
Posts: 458
Send a message via MSN to Candice Send a message via Yahoo to Candice
Oh! I forgot to add...

When I found out i was pregnant with my oldest... I was almost 3 months along! I was 17 at the time and my cycles were nuts... so having no period a few months in a row was not a big deal to me. It wasn't until i was talking to my best friend and telling her that i had started to have sex with my bf (oldest's father) when she said to me "Wow really... Well lets hope you aren't pregnant"

HAHA as soon as she said that i was like "OMG! I'm Pregnant!"

So Not finding out for a while isn't as bad as your boyfriend thinks! Some Women just don't realize! You can't fault yourself for that! some women have no symptoms.... some women even have a period even though they are pregnant! He's just needing someone to blame this on.. when in reality he knows that if he had a condom on... It would have made SURE that an unplanned pregnancy wasn't a posibility.

Please keep us updated as to how things are going and what you decide... If you need some moral support.. feel free to email me!

Merry Christmas!
__________________
<div align="center"></div>



http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/16b04c <--- CLICK ME TO STALK THE CHART
Reply With Quote
  #6  
December 25th, 2006, 07:43 PM
CherryFrog1926's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Rosemount, MN
Posts: 2,046
Send a message via MSN to CherryFrog1926 Send a message via Yahoo to CherryFrog1926
i know this is late and i'm not usualy on this bored. a friend of mine doesn't get her periods and she got pregnant and didnt' know tell she was about 14 weeks along. the only reason she found out was becuase she thought she had the flu and he dr did a test on her.
__________________
Stasha 27, Married to Doug
mom to 5 little bugs RJ, Austin, AJ, Bry,& Robby
Until our wedding:
Reply With Quote
  #7  
December 25th, 2006, 08:08 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
I can very much relate...you pretty much described my situation to a T. I am now 38 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl who started out as an embryo that her father wanted to destroy. I am going to be a single mom...its been hard but I wouldn't change it for the world. Stephy is right, you need to be selfish now, and do what feels right for YOU. If abortion doesn't sit right with you, don't have one. You will never forgive yourself and will probobly always regret it...

Good luck to you sweetie...do what feels right in your heart!
__________________
Those who love me know how to reach me...it's been real ladies, peace and love!!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
December 25th, 2006, 08:51 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 2,554
AWWWWW!
You absolutley should not have known before then....unless you are planning on ttc and you have been counting down the days until testing time. What reason would you have to know before then. I was 6 weeks along with both of my kids when I found out. The first was not planned, the second we concieved first month off bcp.
Maybe he is just in shock....and sometimes when people aren't planning on things, their way of dealing with it is to - get rid of it (the thing they weren't planning on)....but thats just it...this isn't a thing, its your baby.
From the way you posted it sounds like you very much are against the idea of an abortion and you want to keep your baby. And if thats how you feel, then imo that is what you should do
I am sorry he is saying those things to you, a newly expecting mommy never wants to hear things like that at at time when she is excited about the new life she has just learned about...and that can be hurtful.
Give him some time to adjust and hopefully he will come around
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #9  
December 25th, 2006, 10:30 PM
LondonAndAthensMommy's Avatar Chillin' in Mommywood ;)
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Kelowna, BC
Posts: 1,591
Send a message via MSN to LondonAndAthensMommy
I had an abortion with my bf when I was 18 - it was the best decision for me and him.. so take some time to do pros and cons!
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #10  
December 26th, 2006, 09:25 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Appleton WI
Posts: 641
Well, here's an update to my situation and let me thank everyone first for everyone's kind words! They mean a lot to me. Robby has come around. He's talked to his family and I've talked to both his and mine. Come to find out, it wasn't really the baby that had Robby all flustered, it was his crazy ex wife. She left Robby for this guy and she had done this to Robby 4 other times before in their relationship and he's always taken her back. She has wanted him back and I think if he took her back, he would lose not only the support of his family, but also his friends. She treated him awful, took everything he had (including a good supplement of his income) and she still complains she needs more. But, it was his first love and I guess that's hard to get over. His parents think that he's not used to someone treating him as well as I do and he doesn't know how to handle it and funny enough, Robby agrees with them. She plays wicked mind games and he feeds into it. He tells me everything will get better and I'm going to trust him on that because he's always been honest with me. He also told me that he doesn't want an abortion and that was a knee jerk reaction. But, he wants our child. So, it's not an ideal situation, but I pray it will get better.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
December 26th, 2006, 04:18 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: British Columbia Canada
Posts: 458
Send a message via MSN to Candice Send a message via Yahoo to Candice
Aww! I'm so glad things have turned around for you!

GOOD LUCK HUN!

Keep us updated!
__________________
<div align="center"></div>



http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/16b04c <--- CLICK ME TO STALK THE CHART
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:58 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0