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im pregnant and confused, please help me

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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July 7th, 2005, 10:07 PM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
hi everyone..my name is kate , im 16 and live in new jersey. i just found out for sure today that i am pregnant...this guy and i (we weren't even dating) were dumb enough to get drunk together and have sex...he said he needed to get a condom, and me, being the idiot that i am, told him "noooo i like it better without it" .. so really, it is MY fault..my mom knew i wasn't a virgin for about a month or two now...well its been 14 days since this guy and i had sex and i was due for my period about 6 days ago--never got it..and i had all these early signs of pregnancy i read about..so i told my mom about 3 days ago that i thought i was pregnant. she was surprisingly very understanding..she told me that i was probably just thinking about it too much but she would get me a test to make sure..i took it yesterday ; it came back positive. my mom made an appt. for me with my doctor to double-check..we went tonight, and again, it came back positive. my mom really wants me to get an abortion...90% of me wants to, but this other 10% just keeps bothering me, telling me not to kill MY OWN BABY..on the car ride home tonight i mentioned to my mom that i kno im not old enough to raise a baby, but im not sure if i wanna kill it..i told her i mite wanna give it up for adoption..she raelly got mad...she started tellin me "i am NOT gonna raise ur baby!!" i told her how i wouldn`t keep it , i`d give it up for adoption ... then shes like "if you decide to have this baby , you can go to one of those group homes for pregnant teens ! i`m not letting you stay in my house pregnant and act like its a normal thing!" so basically...i have to get the abortion..im so confused. i don`t know wut to do ... if i do get an abortion i kno i`m gonna wonder my WHOLE LIFE "would it have been a boy or a girl?" "what color would its hair/eyes be?" "how much would it have weighed"...i kno i`m gonna regret it. i know i am...but then again if i had it i would end up regretting that too , ya kno ? either way , i messed up .. im so confused. i just really need advice, comments, words .. anything. thank you all so much . --kate
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July 8th, 2005, 10:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,171

You should give your mom a couple of days to cool down. Just remember she is really upset right now. Give her space to calm down. She wont be able to hear you out if she is pissed off. Try writing her a letter (in a couple days) that way she can't argue with you about it, all she can do is read exactly how you feel.
<span style="font-family:Verdana">Bruce = 4 Months old</span>[/b]
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July 8th, 2005, 11:03 AM
momma06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Missouri
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This is when you need to take responsiblity as a mother. I didn't get an abortion like my mother told me because I knew that God already gave my baby a soul and has a plan for its life and I have no right to take what God gave my child, that's just how I see it. I'm keeping my baby just because the father doesn't want to give it up for adoption. I'd consider goin to a home for pregnant teens because when you're gone maybe your mother will come to terms about it and realize how she's not being much of a mother to you. No one can persuade you to do anything, you are the one that has parental rights of this baby and no one else. Just do what your heart tells you to. My sister is getting ready to have her second abortion and she wants to keep it so she's kinda sad. She's always wondered and she's gone through depression with her 1st abortion. Not a pretty site. I hope everything works out for you someday. Good luck with everything!!!!!


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July 8th, 2005, 11:14 AM
NHmom2two's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First of all let me send you lots of hugs....
Now, let me just say that I agree with everyone else, if you are not 100% sure that you want an Abortion don't do it. My sister was 22 when she got an abortion, and she has always wondered what might have been. It has been 2 years, and she still cries sometimes when she thinks about what she did. I think that Adoption is a very brave option, you would be giving someone the greatest gift they could ever recieve. And if you think that you would want to know how your baby was doing throughout its life, you could look into open adoption. My mom was 16 when I was born, in 1977, and she was a single mom. Her parents were a little more supportive, but for the most part she raised me alone for a long time, she always says that she wishes she could have been older, but in my eyes, she was and is a great mom. Just follow your instincts.... do what you can live with. Good luck to you.

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July 8th, 2005, 01:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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i also agree with what the others are saying. if you aren't 100% that and abortion is what you want then don't do it. just think of all the people out there who can't have kids and want one so deperately. my friend was 15 when she had her daughter and i don't think that a day goes by where she thinks keeping her daughter was the wrong choice.
good luck with your decision, have you told the father yet? just remember that no matter what you do there are people here that are willing to lend you a ahoulder.
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July 8th, 2005, 01:33 PM
Super Mommy
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Ok let me tell you a little bit about my family. I got preggo at 18, my mom was fine with it after a while and plus i wasnt living with her anyways. My sister got preggo at 15. My mom flipped, saying that she needs to get an abortion and everything, and that she ruined my moms life b/c now she had to take care of someone else. My mom even tried killing herself at a hotel. After a while everything was ok, my mom and sister didnt talk for like 2 weeks and then my mom came to her and said that nothing is her fault and that she is sorry for not being a good mother. My sister had Ciara when she was 16 and now ciara is 2 months. My mother loves her to death and she cant believe what she did when she found out that she was coming.
Now that you preggo you are legally and adult now and your mother cannot force you to do anything. It is your choice! If you dont want an abortion dont get one, it could be the worse thing you could b/c like you said before, you wnat to know what sex it is, how big etc. If you want to do adoptions, go for it. You can make it to where you can see your baby anytime you want.
I hope this helped you a little. I know it did you my cousin. She is 17 and found out that she is preggo now to.
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July 8th, 2005, 01:35 PM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 46
Hey hun, I posted last night but for some reason my posts seem to be disappearing not long after I post them...(anyone know why?) All I have to say is that this is a big decision that only you can make, no one else. Take the time to decide what YOU want and what you feel is right. Just follow your instincts...
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July 8th, 2005, 02:37 PM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 46
Thanks for the link...I was beginning to get very frustrated lol Appreciate it...
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July 9th, 2005, 12:19 AM
SavaAngel's Avatar Mama to AJ & Katie
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Hi there Kate! My oldest sister was 16 when she had her first child and she was originally going to give it up for adoption. Our mother sent her to a home like your mother said she was going to send you to. When it came time and my sister had my neice (who is now almost 20 and has a son of her own) she couldn't give it up. She told my mom and she was upset, but my sister ended up moving home with us until she ended up finding a new bf and got married. (BTW, I was 2 when my neice was born).

I agree with the other ladies. Let your mom cool down. Tell her your feelings and everything. You also have to consider what an abortion will do to your body. I had a friend in college that had one and she never felt the same afterwards. You could always consider open adoption and still be a part of the babys life. You might head on over to the adoption board and see if they can help you look into some info on it and you can weight your options.

I don't necessarily approve of abortions, but if it is for your health or another good reason then by all means get it. Please check out all your information though...if you did put him/her up for adoption you would be making another family very happy!


PM to see if I am available to make a siggy - decisions will be made on a case by case basis.


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July 9th, 2005, 09:04 PM
Posts: n/a
First of all, .

Second, if you have any doubt AT ALL about abortion, don't do it. You're right--you probably will think about it and regret it for the rest of your life. The bottom line is, it's YOUR body, and she can't make you get an abortion. If you seriously are considering adoption, call around. Many of the agencies have apartments and such for you to have a place while you're pregnant, and most times, they'll finance your trip there, too. The only thing is: you shouldn't take ANYTHING from them unless you truly intend to give the baby up for adoption.

Trust me, 16 and pregnant doesn't mean the end of the world! My big sister got pregnant at 14, and she kept her daughter (who just turned 18 last month). It was tough, but she survived.

Good luck--I hope you make the decision that is best for YOU (not the one to make others happy).
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July 11th, 2005, 07:39 PM
Posts: n/a
These other girls have given some great advice, so all I will say is that I hope you make the right choice for you! Good luck, and keep us posted!
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