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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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July 19th, 2005, 01:56 PM
celeste's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Pleasanton, Texas
Posts: 10,584
Ok so I'm new to this site, my name is Celeste, i'm 19, and I am expecting my first baby. I'm 8 weeks along and it has been heck this last month. I kind of have a long story but I need to talk to somebody that understands. I don't have any friends and family doesn't want to give me alot of support right now. The beginning of June I started planning my wedding, I bought my dress and was fixing to book the church. I went to the wedding fair in San Antonio, which is close where I live. I was kind of thinking I was pregnant when I went to it, but not for sure. The month before I was a couple of days late and thought I was pregnant so I took a pregnancy test and it came out negative, and a few days later I started. But this last month I was even later and praying I wasn't because I wanted to get married first. Well I took another pregnancy test, the day after the wedding fair, and it came back positive. I told my fiance and my mother and my mother wasn't very thrilled over it all and was making me feel pretty low about the whole thing. My fiance is pretty happy about the baby, this will be his secound child. My mother made me feel like crap, she thought we should get ride of my dress and get another one in ivory. I didn't plan the baby and I wasn't very happy about it because, when we started telling everybody they all asked if I was pregnant, and I was getting hurt by that because, it seems like alot of people now in my town are getting pregant and a few months later are getting married. Well now that i'm telling people that I am not getting married for a while because of the baby, they all want me to get married ASAP. But this is how i feel about it. Yes I wanted to get married first and do it the traditional way, but it changed and now I don't want to get married ASAP. I don't know if I am being selfish but I still want the wedding I was planning. My dress wasn't supposed to be here untill November, but it came in a few days ago. I went to pick it up and it was kind of tight, i've gotten a little thicker. So there would be no way I could get married in a few months. Everybody is mad because the baby will be born and I won't have the same last name as my child. I don't want to walk down the aisle pregnant and I don't want to go to the JP to have a quick wedding either. Me and my fiance decided to have the wedding a year after the baby is born, in April which was when we were going to have it. That way it will give us time to still plan and prepare for a wedding even though we are having a baby. Me and my fiance also don't have alot of money. We live comfortably with just me and him and his son, but it's going to be hard having another addition. So I am applying for Medicaid, and I think if you are married you don't get the help like if you were single. I can't stress to people enough that I don't want to get married soon, I know that is changing my thinking in just a few days, but I feel comfortable with waiting. I wanted to include our new baby in the wedding just like we are including his son. My fiance had his son as a accident too, they weren't married and weren't planning on it but got married a month after he was born. They don't like that he is doing that all over again. I just need some advice. I finally like the fact that I am having a baby now. I'm getting more and more excited, but nobody wants to be excited with me. My family is like my only friend and they really don't want to be right now, I need someone I can talk to with any advice would really help. I feel all alone and right now I don't think I want to be alone.

Thanks very much,
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July 19th, 2005, 02:22 PM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: North West England
Posts: 307
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Oh Hunny I was in the same possition.

I was only with my bf 6 months before we got pregnant, because of his religious background it was the worst news ever for him. He gave me 3 choices:

1) Marry him straight way
2) Keep the baby, not marry him and raise the baby on my own on my own
3) Have abortion and carry on as normal

It was a hard choice was to marry him ASAP (infact within 4 days).

It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I am 18 I didnt want to get married, I didnt want an abortion and I couldnt look after a baby on my own.

Keep ya chin up hun I got a feeling your mum will come around. Mine did, she didnt talk to me for a short time but she is happy now.

As for other people, who cares what they think. All that matters is you are happy. If anyone says anything ignor them. I know its hard but you really shouldnt stress yourself its not good for your baby.

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July 19th, 2005, 02:35 PM
CyprisLuv's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 754
First of all- WELCOME! I'm glad you found your way here! I'm pretty new myself and JM comes in handy!

Secondly, I'm sorry you're under a lot of stress right now. I became pregnant when I was raped back around Christmas time. So it was deffinatly a hard time with lots of hard choices to make. But in the end, I've decided to keep my baby girl and I've got the full support of my family...and my boyfriend which is really cool. Unfortunatly, I come from a background where everyone is very...whats a good word...um... Baptist. So, being 17 and pregnant, I find myself being shunned and judged by all of my old friends and by all the people I grew up knowing.

But you know what? I have my family and the love of my life on my side! That's what matters!

And you know what? You shouldn't worry about what everyone else thinks either. This is YOUR baby, this is YOUR life, and you have the RIGHT to make whatever choices you want. If you don't want to get married for a year, then don't! You have the love and support of your baby's dad...and that's really important! And I can almost promise you that your mom will come around. She can't just ignore you or throw you away because of some inconvenience. Just give her some time.

Things will work out! They always do! Just keep strong and don't let anyone get you down! You're a mother now! So stick with being excited!

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July 19th, 2005, 03:47 PM
Larkin121's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Puyallup, WA
Posts: 3,088
My fiance and I were also starting to figure out when we wanted to get married and he was looking at rings when I found out that I was pregnant. I have always wanted a winter wedding, and we had been planning on getting married sometime between Dec-Feb. We found out I was pregnant in March and got engaged in April. When I found out I was pregnant, I was devestated at first that things were happening out of order. However, after the shock was gone, we realized that our plans still work out just fine.... I am due in November and we will get married in Feb. My mom every once in a while still says that we can get married at the courthouse now and then have a wedding later, but we want to have the traditional wedding. I don't think it's a big deal that the baby will have a different last name than I will at first. He will be too little to know the difference and we will be married when he is 3 months old.

Give your mom and future in laws some time to adjust. My mother was irrate at first, yelling at me and so disappointed.....after a few weeks, though, she was very excited and these days she is buying everything left and right for the baby. Both of our families can't wait for our baby boy to arrive!!

Things will work out just fine for you.... stick to the plans YOU want and don't let others convince you to change your schedule just to make them happy!

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July 19th, 2005, 08:55 PM
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Killeen, TX
Posts: 42
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Hi Celeste,
I kind of have an idea of what you are going through. My pregnancy was also unplanned. The bd and I have only known each other for a few months and I am not ready to marry him yet. When people ask me if we are going to get married i politely tell them that i dont think being pregnant is any reason to rush into a marriage. Stand up for yourself and support your decision. Your family will come around, especially when they lay eyes on that precious little miracle!
Good luck!!
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July 20th, 2005, 09:29 AM
Posts: n/a
You've come to the right place for support! I also got pregnant before my now fiance had even proposed... we knew we wanted to get married but we've put it off a year because of our baby.
His family also wanted us to get married but I didn't want to be pregnant at my wedding... I want the nice dress and to be able have a few drinks as well! Anyway, they soon got over it and love Nicole to death and now we can plan our wedding and I can get back into shape!!!

Good luck to you and enjoy your first pregnancy... it truly is a wonderful thing
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July 20th, 2005, 09:33 AM
Posts: n/a
Hey girl. I know how you feel. My SO & I wanted to get married someday, but just didn't know when. Actually what was holding us up was the whole ceremony thing. Neither of us wanted a big wedding but our families did. Anyways- we had been together 4 years and I was 7 months pregnant when we finally DID get married, in June. We "eloped" and it was the best thing ever! We didn't have to deal with what other people thought and we didn't have a big audience. Just hubby, me, and the JP in a little chapel about an hour or so from where we live. Anyways... You're an adult. You have to do what suits YOU. It's your life and your baby. You know what you want, so do it. And stop worrying about everyone else hun. You'll do just fine!
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July 20th, 2005, 09:56 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,057
Hi Celeste!

I don't think you need advice at all. You sound as though you know exactly what you want to do and why you want to do it.

But you do need support, and for that you've come to the right place. These women are wonderful.

As to your mom, give her a little time to adjust to the idea... and then go on with your plans. I bet your mom was almost as into your plans as you were, and now she's wondering how they'll change. I bet she's also concerned that you'll end up on you own. You know better, but give her a bit of a chance to get used to the changes, OK? (Oops, snuck in a little advice there, didn't I?)

The best of luck to you, and congratulations both on your engagement and the pregnancy!!
MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)
JULIA (2-17-00)
KIRA (2-04-03)
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July 20th, 2005, 10:05 AM
celeste's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Pleasanton, Texas
Posts: 10,584
Thanks everybody for all of your advice. It reallly helps to know that other people are behind me and that know what I am going through. We went to the doctor on Friday, and I forgot to mention this before and I feel bad, but I'm going to the doctor that delivered me and all my brothers and sisters. So that made my mom really happy, afterward we went the babies-r-us, and we had so much fun looking at all the baby stuff. She was just having a hard time adjusting because one day we were all about planning a wedding then the next we were planning on a baby. She always prayed that her children would be married before we had children. She coming around, and we told the rest of the immediate family earlier this week. Everybody is hoping for a girl, I am praying for a girl. I need something in my life to help me cope with stuff. I know that your child should not be your friend but I'm surrounded by boys and I have nobody to talk to about girlie stuff. But either way, boy or girl, I will be happy. It's funny that when you think about children you always want a girl or boy more. But when you are pregnant all you want is for it to be healthy and no complications. But thanks again to everybody for your help and if anybody else has any opnions let me have them.
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July 20th, 2005, 11:57 AM
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by celeste@Jul 20 2005, 12:05 PM
It's funny that when you think about children you always want a girl or boy more. But when you are pregnant all you want is for it to be healthy and no complications.
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That is soooooo true! But you know what, once you find out what it is and start thinking about it you will wish you were having the other at times! LOL! I was hoping for a girl, and I got it... And guess what? Now I am wishing that I had a boy because man, I don't know much about girl babies! lol. But, anyways... I just had to comment because that is SO true!
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July 20th, 2005, 11:59 AM
Posts: n/a
OH- and I think your mom sounds like she's already coming around... Just give her some time and I'm sure she'll be a great g-ma to your baby! Besides, maybe you can re-set the date for your wedding so she knows that your plans haven't CHANGED, just been delayed. That might make her feel better.

Anyways- good luck hun!
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July 20th, 2005, 04:26 PM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 11,433
Hi Celeste! I know how you feel. My fiance and I got engaged Oct. 2, 2004 and have been planning a wedding for May 20, 2006. We had everything booked and my dress was ordered in February. However, I found out in May that I am pregnant and due in January. Everyone keeps asking how this will effect our wedding plans and I actually had a big emotional breakdown with my Mom about it because my fiance's Mom was pushing for us to cancel what we have already done because now it's not "practical." She actually keeps pushing for a civil ceremony before the baby is born saying we can still have the wedding in May. How much sense does that make!?! It's so annoying I could scream. I completely understand wanting your wedding how you originally imagined it before the little "surprise" came into the picture. I say stick with what you want to do. My fiance and I still want our wedding and are going through with it as planned no matter what anyone else says. It's your life so do what makes you happy. Family can definitely pile the stress on in matters like this but it's best to state very firmly that you are not budging and drop the conversation. I know, easier said than done, and I know if I hear the words civil ceremony one more time I'm going to knock out the person who said it.lol Good luck and stick to your guns, have your gorgeous wedding after the baby is born and look beautiful in your dress (mine just came in too and I won't be able to even get it on!!!)

Our angel baby forever missed--1/3/03

Ailish Laura born October 20th, 2012.
8lbs 12oz and 20.75 inches

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July 22nd, 2005, 01:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,217
I am also 19 and am 17 weeks pregnant. It was so hard at first and still is. My boyfriend and I just got into our own apartment, which has helped. We originally lived in my moms house. Right now my mom is very supportive. Neither one of us believe in abortion so there was no other option but to keep and raise my baby. Also, I got pregnant while on birth control. I guess things happen for a reason. Be ready for the hormonal changes that will drive both you and your fiance nuts. You are lucky to have already been planning to get married. I do not plan on getting married anytime soon and neither does my boyfriend. This is going to be difficult to explain to my dads side of the family. There beliefs are that if you get pregnant you better be married when that baby is born. So I understand that some families that don't understand certain things would push for marriage before the baby. After all it is tradition. Well who says everything has to be done traditionally. My advice to you is to focus on your life with your fiance. There will be enough stress with carrying a child, you do not need the stress of your family or friends on top of that. Seek a pregnancy counselor to help you out possibly. They are usually offered free with certain insurance coverage and some just offer their services for free to those who need the extra encouragement and help. A baby is not a mistake and should not be treated like one. Maybe unplanned, yes, but not a mistake. DO NOT let anyone ever call your baby a mistake or an accident. They are conceived when they want and are born when they choose also. It is not in our power to decide these things. Do what you feel is best for YOU and not everyone else. Now is the time to focus on yourself and your needs as well as your unborn baby's needs. Good luck!

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July 25th, 2005, 05:34 PM
Posts: n/a
i was 18 when i found out i was pregnant. my bf and me were already planning to get married long before i got pregnant. we got married when i was 5 month pregnant... no one at the wedding knew i was pregnant-unless they were family members or close friends.... i didnt look like a blimp. i wore a white dress..

i dont think its right for ur mom to tell u to take back the dress and buy one in ivory ... its ur wedding u should have it how u wanted it.

just a little update- had my baby girl in april. she was healthy and beautiful.
now i am waiting tests results... hoping and praying baby number two doesnt come so soon.
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