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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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August 21st, 2007, 12:41 AM
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Hi - I am glad to find this forum...because everyone everywhere else is so happy to be pregnant. I will get there too, but right now I'm feeling pretty low.

DH and I have three kids (we each have one from a previous relationship, and then we have our son). We had decided we were done, but DH works for a catholic hospital, so their insurance doesn't cover a vasectomy. I can't be on birth control hormones for health reasons. We were saving for the procedure - and being really careful. But nothing is 100%...and I'm here to prove it!

I am so stressed out with the kids we already have...my stepson has adhd, my toddler is full force in the terrible twos...not to mention finances. Right now my retired parents watch my son while I work, but I know they can't handle a baby too...and I wouldn't ask them to. But I have no idea how we are going to fit childcare into our budget that is already stretched thin.

My husband is upset...but he isn't being unkind or inconsiderate. I can tell he's unhappy, and I don't know the words to try to make things better. "Everything will be all right" just doesn't apply here.

I think the thing I am most stressed about is telling people (I'm going to put that off at least until the second trimester). My family is very open and we had already shared that we were not planning to have any more kids. My brothers give me grief constantly about my parents watching my son, even though they love to do it, and they would be heart-broken if I put him in childcare. I know I will get the comments like "don't you guys know how that happens?", and "I hope you know mom and dad can't watch this baby too." I'm just dreading it.

To make matters worse, I just started a new job three months ago. It's a great job, and I don't want to do anything to jeapordize it, and of couse, the baby will be due about 1 month before I am eligible for FMLA leave. Even if they do keep me on, I won't be eligible for any paid leave.

I know there are so many people who are a lot worse off than me, and I'm really grateful for how blessed my life's been. But right now, this just sucks, and I'm throwing myself a big ole' pity party.

Thanks for reading.
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August 22nd, 2007, 08:09 PM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 7,593
We have a similar situation. I too feel a little low about this pregnancy, but also couldn't go through with an abortion. My boyfriend has 3 kids, and I have 1, and our hands and budgets are stretched pretty thin as is. We just got full custody of his two youngest kids, and us and the kids are still adjusting. We didn't plan on having another baby for another 2-3 years. This is actually the worst timing we could have had, and he's definitely not on board with having the baby.

The one thing that keeps my head up is that I know once the baby is born, I won't be able to imagine life without him/her. It's the right now that's tough because everything is still new, and everything is uncertain. But I try to remember how happy I will be when I'm holding my baby for the first time.

Thank you AlexKatieAiden Mommy for my siggy!
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August 22nd, 2007, 08:16 PM
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Hey Christina! Welcome to the Unplanned board. If you want a confession, I still feel very low most days about this pregnancy. In my heart I know I'll love my son more than anything and I look forward to being a mom, but I'm so tired of feeling lonely and stressed and all that.

Unplanned pregnancies are always a little scary, no matter what anyone says. But you have tons of support here!

I really hope you hang around. It's always nice to have more people to connect to!

And don't forget to cry as often as you want! I know I sure do!
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August 23rd, 2007, 10:51 AM
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I know exactly what you mean, and I know I will soon feel like I can't imagine my life without this baby. I think once I see the sonogram I will be more excited. I made my first Doctor appointment today - and I really hope I get a sonogram!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I haven't cried yet, but I think it's because it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'm really glad I found others who are feeling the same way I am.
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August 23rd, 2007, 02:34 PM
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You know, it's funny. Every time I feel like I can't handle it anymore, I end up with an ultrasound (sonogram) or a long session of listening to the heartbeat! It always gives me the strength to keep going!

I'm hoping you get yours soon! When are you due?

I had my first one at 10 weeks, I believe.
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August 26th, 2007, 06:39 PM
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I'm waiting to get blood work back from the doctor. I went to the Dr. on Friday, and the urine test I took came back negative. Then the nurse popped her head in and said it was a faint positive. So he took blood and said I could either be really early in my pregnancy, or have had a chemical pregnancy. I have had no pain or spotting, and the test I took yesterday was a strong positive.

I saw my family doctor, so I will call my OB on Monday and see if he will see me and do an ultrasound. By my calculation, I conceived around the 5th, so I am only 5 weeks along at the most. You can't see much at 5 weeks, so I don't know what he'll do. He might just wait to get my blood HCG test back. My Dr. said I probably wouldn't have it back until Wednesday! That's such a long time to wait!
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August 26th, 2007, 07:06 PM
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Hey, 5 weeks is still one month down! Haha, silly, but I love the month marker. It makes me feel like I'm actually progressing and won't have to be pregnant FOREVER!

Keep us updated, can't wait to hear when your first sonogram will be! And hope you're feeling ok today!
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