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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 3rd, 2008, 09:40 AM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 38
Okay, I'm kinda in a pickle here.....

I am almost done!!! Sometime this month I will finally get to meet the little one that's been kicking and moving around inside of me for the past 9 months, and while I'm super excited and thrilled and just can't wait, I have one problem...

I know that my sister wants to be in the delivery room with me when I have my son, and I have no objections to that, since she practially raised me and is more like a mom to me than my sister, but we're super close. I also plan to have my son's godfather in there as well, since he's known me my whole life, but what about my son's father? I mean, he did help me create this life, and without him, well, we all know it wouldn't be possible, but he hasn't really been there for me, and he made me choose between him and my son, which resulted in us breaking up because I thought that was pretty selfish of him to make me make that decision 7 months into my pregnancy, after he told me that he wanted this baby and wanted to be a family with me.....

So, I'm confused. Majorly. Jeff hasn't expressed any real desire to be in the delivery room with me, let alone coming to the hospital so we can get the DNA test over and done with after I have my son, but would it be wrong for me to exclude him from being in the delivery room with me? My sister's telling me that I shouldn't have him in there, not after what he put me through and while I know she's right on some level, on another, I just think, (more like hoping really....) that Jeff would want to be there with me while I deliver, even if we are not dating, I would think that he would be as anxious to see this little life as I am, but ........ I'm not even certian about that....

Any advice you all have would be wonderful...... I just don't know where to turn to, and this place seemed like the best option, since I've gotten great advice here before.... Thanks Ladies!
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March 3rd, 2008, 10:23 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
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This is one of those difficult decisions that you have to make for yourself. I know that I will struggle with the same question when I'm at the same point as you. I have 2 separate trains of thought on this subject.

1. Giving him the *choice* to be there will show good will toward him and give him the opportunity to bond with the baby. Yes, giving birth is "your" show but 10 years from now your child will love to hear "I remember the day you were born, I was there..." from his / her daddy.

2. If he's there will that get in the way of you naming your baby what you want? Will he cause a scene and make you emotionally upset so that you have horrible memories of the birth?

I plan for my baby to have my last name, not his and I will choose the given name of the baby because he wanted nothing to do with it at all and in fact pushed (and is still pushing) for abortion.

I wish you the best of luck, KUP. I hope that this birth is magical and memorable and brings you joy beyond belief. Come visit the single mommies forum as well!

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March 3rd, 2008, 01:42 PM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
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being in a situation similar to yours, my vote is that he is not included. It is your personal decision, but in my opinion, he made his choice to not be involved. You want your birth experience to be memorable and as enjoyable as possible for you. You don't need something else there to stress you out.
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March 4th, 2008, 09:08 AM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 38
My son is getting my last name, and I have already decided his name a long time ago, Shane William..... I think, at least for the time being, I'm gonna give it some more thought, but now I have to convince him to even come to the hosptial.... I don't see Jeff very often, and when I do, it's so awkward, I mean, he sits across the room from me and just stares, doesn't say a word, just stares and when I finally go over to him to talk about our son, he brushes the subject off like it's not important, or that he doesn't care. He keeps telling me that he cares and that he loves Shane, but how am I to believe him when this is the same man that made me choose between him and our son? Something inside of me just doesn't buy that.....

Thanks for the great advice ladies, it really gives me a lot of insight on weather or not I should have him there with me or not... and yes, I will take a look at the single mommies forum....

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March 5th, 2008, 09:32 AM
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Jeff sounds like a real #####.

However, he is your son's father.. I'd let him know when you were about to deliver without either inviting or disinviting him. If he's truly interested, he'll show up. If not, eh.. his loss.

You have a right to be comfortable in the delivery room.. and after everything he's put you through, I don't think anyone would hate you for not including him.. (but it IS a day that will never come again.. for your son OR for him)

so basically, I'm no help whatsoever = )

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March 6th, 2008, 09:25 AM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 38
no, actually that was a big help, and kinda improved my day too, since I'm tired and cranky and all sorts of mixed up emotions right now...... like, for example, on the one hand, say I do let him come in while I'm in labor, okay, as awkward as that would be for me, (and for him, since my sister and my son's godfather are going to be in there with me, and they hate him after what he did to me..) at least Shane would know that his dad was in there and was present while he was born, but on the other hand, if I don't include him, then I know that one day my son is going to ask me, " mommy, was daddy there when I was born?" and I know that question is going to be hard to answer, but it'll have to be answered, I know it's one I can't brush off with here's a cookie, or look at this over here, or look its your aunt and uncle or whatever lame excuse I can think of to take his mind off of the question, but I'm leaving it up to Jeff. I have my doubts, yes, but I just don't want him to hurt my son. Shane can't really "stand up" for himself, he has me to do that, but I just don't want him hurt by his own father....... things are just so complicacted.

again, thanks for all the great advice so far, I mean, I love coming to Just mommies and venting, or reading other people's vents and everything else, this site and the ladies who are on here provide me with a great support system when it feels like even my friends and family don't get it. Thanks ladies!
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March 6th, 2008, 12:21 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boise,ID
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That is a tough call, he is the baby's father, although he doesn't seem to be acting like much of one but you also need love & support and people you can count on during your labor and delivery.

I've already thought ahead to that day and decided this; no matter what happens with us between now and then (and we have a long ways to go) I'm pretty much going to insist that he is there for the birth. I didn't do it by myself and whether he wants to be a Dad or not, he is the father. No matter what his feelings at the time, I'd hate for him to miss that moment and then possibly regret it 5 or 10 years down the road. Things can change a lot with time and that's something you can't get back.

I'd say in your case maybe you should have him there but make sure your family knows if his attitude is poor and he's making the situation unbearable for you, they will be making him leave.

Hope everything goes well for you and your son's birthday is a happy wonderful day for everyone involved

Thank you to claire1979 for my adorable siggy
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