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Feeling absolutely horrible

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May 7th, 2013, 09:58 AM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
I'm 30, SAHM of onee 2 year old boy, married.

First off, I feel like I don't even have a right to complain. We have it so easy compared to many others. I have a husband, so I'm not doing this completely alone, but he works 5 days a week and is gone until after 6pm all week. When he gets home, he does help with the dishes after dinner and helps get the boy ready for bed.

But other than him, I have no help. I really feel like I have no one. I'm here with my son all day every day. We have one car, so on days when I can take the car, we take the hubs to work and pick him up.
So we do get out of the house. But that's not every day. I have one very good friend that lives about 20 minutes away, but doesn't drive so most of the time I have to go over there, not a big deal.

The problem I'm having is that it never ends and I never get a break. I can't handle it anymore. We can't really afford daycare. My MIL doesn't drive and lives about 20-25 minutes away. She's in an extremely unhappy marriage and won't ever offer to take the boy off my hands for me. I ask, but she rarely will because her home life is so unhappy.

My parents are another story entirely. They live over 40 minutes away anyway, so it's rare that we even see them. My mother was very emotionally/verbally abusive to me as a child.
I feel like I'm turning into her.

I can't ever get more than a few feet away from my son during the day. Today has been horrible. Last night my husband ignored me three times, like I'm a ghost... when I have no one else to even interact with most days. I asked him why and was a bit teary eyed, he rolled his eyes and started in on me about "Not this again" "every month you do the same thing"...
Well I wouldn't have been upset at all if he hadn't completely ignored me three different times, leading me to think that he was mad at me for something. Then completely chewed me out for getting emotional right before my period every month. Telling me I act like a complete idiot for 5 days every month and that he's sick of it.

Most of the time I don't even have anyone to talk to at all. So when he ignores me it makes me feel like im going crazy. What do I have to do? To earn a break, to earn a little attention, to earn any kind of thanks. I do almost all of the chores around the house, grocery shopping, and take care of our son all week long. I feel like I do everything and never get noticed. He never buys me anything, never offers to take me out to dinner.

But the very worst thing is that my son is the one paying for it. He has no one that gives a **** about him besides me and his dad. His uncles on both sides don't want anything to do with him. his grandparents are a joke. I'm having a hard time controlling my anger now. I get mad at him, my sweet little boy, I get mad and I yell at him. Sometimes I can't even stand him and I want so badly to just leave. Just step away for a few minutes. But there's no one. I just don't know how long I can do this to him. I am not a good mom. I can't handle this. I can't handle being alone with him all the time and never getting a break or even adult interaction.
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May 7th, 2013, 10:23 AM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: In the West
Posts: 11,190
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My suggestion is if this is something that happens around your period time than perhaps you should see a doctor about maybe some help for the emotional onslaught you are going through.

As sahm's we feel that way a lot. I know many who have felt exactly as you do and Ive felt that way myself. Age 2 is a toughy and it will get better as he gets older but until then you are dealing with all sorts of boredoms and frustrations.

Ive felt that way many times and gone for walks, that helps some but it doesnt take it all away. I think you just get used to it(my late husband worked 6 days a week, 10-12 hrs a day so he was rarely home and rarely interactive with the kids).

Are these feelings you have been having since your sons birth or just recent??

Vent away...we are here and we get it.

~My thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy and Lucy S for the blinkies~
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May 7th, 2013, 10:26 AM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
I've been doing this by myself since he was born. Never had anyone to help with anything. Husband went back to work after two days.
Is it normal to not have any kind of support at all? Because I'm seriously feeling like we live on an island.
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May 7th, 2013, 10:44 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,923
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I get in a similar mood every month before my af too. We don't have any family or friends around here and staying home is so isolating. It's so hard and having a husband who is seemingly unsympathetic would totally make it harder.

Could you maybe find someone who you could hire for maybe an hour or two a week to get a break?
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).

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May 7th, 2013, 11:47 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Small Town, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 5,639
I'm sorry mama, it's hard to feel isolated. Do you live in an isolated place? Do you have neighbours, etc?

Here are some ideas I have for you:
1) Talk to your dr. perhaps some anti-depressants could help
2) Go to playgroups/parent and tot meet ups. Try to make some new friends.
3) As someone else said, try to find someone who can come in once or twice a week for an hour or two and you go do what you want! (even take a walk)
4) Find some hobbies that you enjoy. Do some experimenting. Quilting, reading, scrap booking, baking. Try to do new and fun things.
5) Plan enjoyable and fun activities for your son. Keeping him busy and happy will make your days more enjoyable. Pinterest has lots of awesome ideas, so does "The Busy Book for Toddlers" that you can get off of Amazon
6) When your husband does get home, make sure you take some time for yourself in the evening
7) Communicate with your husband! Tell him you would really enjoy going out for supper sometime, or that a surprise once in a while would mean a lot to you. Do your best to keep things matter of fact, non-accusatory and non-emotional

Nice to meet you, hope you stick around! This is my favorite board on this website even though I have been MIA lately.

Proud mama to:

Avery Elizabeth (08/27/2011) & Dawsyn Brielle (10/29/2013)
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May 7th, 2013, 11:50 AM
~mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,496
Can you afford any kind of help?
Care.com is full of local people looking for work. Look for maybe a housekeeper/child care provider or just childcare provider.
Or your local library may have postings of college kids looking for summer work.
Even if you could just get someone 1-2 times a week, I'm sure you would feel much better.
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May 7th, 2013, 11:54 AM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: In the West
Posts: 11,190
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Is it normal to feel alone...yes.

I had noone, no friends or family for hundreds of miles with all 3 of my kids. It wasnt until a year ago that we moved closer to my friends and family that I had any kind of real support but even then they had their own lives and such.

And add in my husband was terminally ill(now deceased)...ya I get the all alone stuff very well.

I think the ladies have given you some great ideas! Good luck...

~My thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy and Lucy S for the blinkies~
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May 13th, 2013, 02:05 PM
Posts: n/a
Oh my heart goes out to you after reading your post

First of all, let me say, you are NOT a bad mom. Do you care for your childs needs first and foremost? Do you make sure he is clean, fed, warm?? I'm sure you of course do all those things for him and more and you are a great mom without even realising it. I think you just feel like a bad mom right now because your feelings and emotions are mixed up and not in the right place which leads you to question yourself. Relax, if you are doing the best you can, then you are doing great.

Unfortunately as a SAHM feeling bored and craving any sort of adult interaction is totally the norm. It can be so hard to get the days in feeling like that, and often times we can feel as if we're going crazy talking to a 2 year old all day. Any mom here will tell you that we have all been there, too many times to count! It is great that you drive though and opens up so many doors for you to make this situation better. I suggest taking your son to Mommy and Me classes (if you look they are all over, in libraries and such) whenever you can. This way, it will let your son get out to interact with other kids his own age and you could also interact with other mommies at the same time. You would be surprised how many moms there are there desperate to talk to someone else besides their baby all day. Once you go a few times you will begin to build friendships with people and look forward to seeing them every week and will also help you to feel less alone.

Try to do as many fun-filled activities with your son as you can! I guarantee that you both will feel so much better for it in the long run. I know that sometimes to you it can be considered boring, but take your child swimming for example and the pure joy on his face when he is having fun and enjoying himself will push all those negative thoughts to the back of your mind.

Your husband sounds very uncompassionate to your feelings and quite harsh in some of the things he says. I think you need to have a gentle non-emotional but to the point talk with him that when he doesn't take you seriously it hurts your feelings and you would like to listen to you more and to help with stuff around the house because you are feeling overwhelmed. Many husbands think that their role as a father and a husband is simply to go out to work each day but that is just not the case. He needs to take your feelings into consideration.

I suggest to you that a couple of nights a week, you hand your son to your husband and say "pretend I am not at home for the next hour" and go and relax yourself in a nice bubble bath uninterupted. Or, if thats not your thing, arrange with your friend to go see a movie or even just go hang out at her house. Or go walk around the mall for the evening. Tell your husband that while you are away he is solely responsible for putting your son to bed and you full expect that when you come home. You need to do things for yourself. Don't forget who you are as a woman and not just a mom and wife. Get yourself interested in some hobbies outside of the house and do those when you can. You are fully entitled to still LIVE your life and not just clean, cook and change diapers 24/7. When you start doing things for yourself you will feel more able and ready to deal with things at home because you will feel refreshed and relaxed.

I hope your situation gets better for you soon, and welcome to the board also! I am Lindsay, mommy to Harvey who is 3. It's nice to see you around and I hope to see more of you and get to know you better! Hang in there, things will get better
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May 13th, 2013, 02:18 PM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: By a Cornfield, Nebraska
Posts: 26,495
I feel for you I really do!!! me and my dh had one car for over 7 years at the beginning....it was truly a nightmare and for a few years I could NOT drive him to work as he worked 1.5hours away...no way was I packing up the kids at 430am just to have a car LOL....I was miserable....I was lonely he too worked after 6pm and before that he was in the military....so we were part for almost 4 months at one point....and with his current job are often apart for a month at a time....but now we at least have 2 vehicles...and honestly I am doing it by myself too....even with him when he's home I still do 80% of the work....not his fault mostly (bad bacl/hips walks with a cane and uses a wheelchair quite a bit of the time) but still annoying non the less and it wears on you...it really does.....I am currently at the point I want to rip my hair out and nothing I say to him changes a **** thing....I am home pretty much 24/7 no one really to hang out with other than 2 ladies and one just had a baby and the other usually makes up excuses (we are supposed to be walking buddies but like today ooops she has to clean can't take an hour out of her day to walk...pfffft whatever) right now my saving grace is that now all 3 of my girls are in school full time.....has taken quite a bit of stress off my shoulders...not all of it but it helps....but the downside is I am home all alone all week without even kids to talk to LOL (cept in the summer)

I would suggest doing a search for some mommy groups around your area that do playdates and such and try to get the car on those days....go to the park and strike up a convo with another mom there....have you thought about getting a job IN a daycare???? they would probably provide free or low cost daycare for your son....

Kristy, wife to Karl 6.16.01, Mom to Raianna 12.7.00, Elyse 12.3.02 and Helena 7.20.07, step-mom to Frankie 7.3.97 and step-grandma to October 3.9.15

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