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Financially Dependent


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  #1  
November 27th, 2016, 09:14 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 2
I left my career two months ago and while being home with the children is amazing, not making money is the worst. Not to knock it, but if anyone suggests I sell face cream, leggings or makeup for spending cash ... Just no. I would rather put on my heels and go back to work than spam my friends Facebook pages. I asked my husband to buy jeans two weeks ago, as my wardrobe has been work dresses and workout wear. His face was like "well yeah, why even ask?" I have nightmares where he's my dad... That's why it's a nightmare. I feel totally unequal now in my marriage. Has anyone else ever gone through this? I've always realized money comes with strings my whole life, so I'm struggling with emotionally surrendering to the fact that, really.. I have no financial control anymore. Should I go back to my career?
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  #2  
February 2nd, 2017, 05:09 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 2
hi ladies,Its been 1 yr and 2 mnt that i stop working. The first year I used up all of my saving to pay for my stuff and things i wanted to buy for my child I really didn't ask my husband for any money nor did he offer to give me any money. This year he started to give me $200 to buy food, home essentials and gas for my car, but i feel that i don't get money for my wants when ever i want them. i don't have access to his bank account nor do i know how much money he makes every week. How do you ladies handle your finance work in your household ???
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  #3  
February 2nd, 2017, 07:03 PM
BlueMoon82's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: New York State
Posts: 2,281
My fiancé gives me money on a regular basis. Sometimes it's for specific things and other times it's just for whatever I need or want to buy. I usually don't ask for things but sometimes I do let him know we need something or I'd like something and we pick it up next time we're out or he'll give me money for it. He's never questioned me about why I want something or where the money went. I don't have access to his bank account but we do talk about finances.

Kind of off topic, for a long time he refused to take any money from me or let me pay for anything, whether it was "his" money he had given me earlier or "my" money. Before we conceived our daughter I was mostly a SAHM but did some event based promo work on the side. He refused to take any of that money when I offered. We had numerous talks about me going to work or being a SAHM after our daughter was born. He felt strongly that I should be a SAHM and we discussed what it meant as far as me being totally reliant on him for everything and him having to provide for my older children that are not biologically his. I think he enjoys having someone home and because he can get sent out of town with little to no notice, and he travels for work, it is just more feasible for me to be at home. Plus, I get to raise our baby instead of her sitting with a daycare provider. Now that our daughter is over a year and it's coming up on promo season I am booked to work one weekend each summer month, with the option to cancel at a later date in case he decides he'd rather me be home. In mid-January I decided to start selling Thiry-One, so plan to have some income this year, unlike last year where I didn't make a penny. I am either going to save it for expense like our wedding or Christmas or pay bills behind his back so he can't refuse it, haha. He will watch the kids if/when I work. Both of the things I do are very flexible and accommodating to my SAHM life, unlike a regularly schedule job.
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  #4  
February 2nd, 2017, 07:55 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 2
that is so cool, i guess i just have to try letting him know when i need or want something, there are days that i just want him to read my mind lol
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  #5  
February 3rd, 2017, 07:37 AM
BlueMoon82's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: New York State
Posts: 2,281
After I posted and went to bed I wanted to come back in here and say that just because you aren't contributing financially doesn't mean you're not contributing to the household and you should not feel useless or worthless. If your DH feels that way he is wrong.

I bust my butt all day long doing things around the house; cleaning, making meals, baking, and taking care of the animals, and kids. My fiance pitches in with the housework but only because he wants to and not because he has to. It's a lot of work maintaining the household, cooking, and keeping the kids not only alive but thriving and learning, and molding them into decent little human beings! I can't tell you how many times I was told that the Kindergarten, and other, teachers can tell which kids have parents at home that care and which kids don't.

Luckily, it works out so his strengths (manly stuff, fixing things, etc.) are my weaknesses and his weaknesses are my strength (like cooking, organizing, and cleaning) so we balance each other out pretty well.
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JAMIE: Mama to six! In love with a hero.
I love making a home for my man in uniform and my children
Find me on facebook: www.facebook.com/RebelAngel1982


Last edited by BlueMoon82; February 3rd, 2017 at 07:39 AM.
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  #6  
February 3rd, 2017, 07:29 PM
Regular
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 69
Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being home with my kids, but boy, I did not do well not having income. I didn't realize how much of my identify it was until I didn't but have it!

I actually ended up doing some volunteer work that was relevant to my career so I wasn't stuck in kid world 24/7. I also had a to have a lot of serious heart to hearts with the husband about it - since he wasn't around during the day, I don't think he realized that I was having a hard time adapting to not working. Just remember - he signed on to be your PARTNER! He wants to hear what you think and feel about all this. Maybe there's a way you can have a larger hand with household finances even though he's the one with the income?
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  #7  
September 11th, 2018, 09:19 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 8
How would you feel about writing for a living? If you're good at writing stuff there are plenty of companies that hire moms who can work from home.
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