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Forum: Labor and Childbirth


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April 12th, 2010, 01:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,741
I need a very nice, polite way to tell my mom that we'd like it to be only Brian and I in the delivery room. This will be our last baby and we'd like it to be just us (and the slew of doctors and nurses of course) when it's time. My mom was there for each of the other kids' births and she is expecting to be there for this one as well. I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings that we'd like it to be just us. Brian doesn't care if she's there or not, but part of me feeling this way is because of all that went on at Aly's birth. My mom, dad, and aunt were all at the hospital. They were watching the boys for us and they ended up bringing them to the hospital. My mom, aunt, and dad kept going in and out of my room during labor and whenever the kids needed changed or anything they'd come pull Brian out of the room to take care of it. During the delivery part, my aunt and dad stayed out with the kids and my mom and Brian stayed in.. my mom nearly fainted because she was holding her breath while I pushed. (Ok.. I did find that a little humerous at the time lol). After Aly was born, they put her on my belly (which I really don't like because it hurts so bad when they do that) and Brian cut the cord. Then they took her over to the little bed there to clean her up, suction her, and weigh her. While she was over there, my aunt and dad came in with the boys and were hovering over the baby along with Brian and my mom (while the midwife/ob were still finishing up down there) and I was stuck watching from the bed. So Brian came back to me and told me she looked perfect and was doing great. Then I hear my aunt telling the nurse that's over there cleaning up Aly that Aly sounds raspy just like Nicky did and that Nicky has a very serious condition and almost died when he was born and that she thinks Aly must have the same thing. Now for 1, yes Nicky was raspy, but it didn't start until the next day, for 2 he did NOT almost die, for 3 my aunt knows basically nothing about what Nicky has, and for 4 Aly was like 5 minutes old.. please don't diagnose my kid when you aren't trained to do so. I have to give the nurse credit here because she just listened to it all, wrapped Aly up, and brought her over to me and then asked me about Nicky and since Aly was still a little raspy asked me if this is what he sounded like. I told her he didn't sound anything like the noise she was making and the nurse agreed that she would probably just cough up a little more fluid before long (which she did a couple minutes later and the rasp was gone). I guess I say all that to say my family is very intrusive during things like this so I'd like for it to be just Brian and I there and I'd like to have them keep the kids at home until after baby is born.. then they can come see the baby and bring the kids see their new brother or sister. BUT how do I go about saying that without hurting fragile feelings??
Andrea, Mama to.. Noah (2006), Nickolas (2007), Alyzabeth (2008), and Savannah (2010)

Many Many Thanks to GraysMama (Chelsea) for my AMAZING Siggy!!!

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April 12th, 2010, 04:17 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: I'm a husker girl :)
Posts: 16,336
this is a tough situation...

If it were me, I would just be honest and straighforward, but gently. I would just say, "Brian and I were talking, and we've never experienced the intimacy of just having the couple at the birth and we are really hoping for that this time. Last time I felt distracted with the in and out of family. We're hoping to take a different approach to the labor thing this time (even if that's not true) and we took a special husband-coached child birth class. We would LOVE for you to be close by, but I think at the hospital it's just going to be Brian and me this time"

or, when all else fails, lie about the hospital changing their policy

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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April 13th, 2010, 06:13 AM
WhoaMomma!'s Avatar Danielle
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 8,446
I went through this with my own mother, so I understand where you are coming from. I hadn't had any other children, but my mom still assumed she would be in the delivery room. Partly because all her friends had been present for the birth of THEIR grandchildren and partly because she is an OB, so she assumed her experienced labor support would be welcomed. She was wrong

I struggled with the same thoughts you're describing - that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But then I kinda decided that my feelings were what really mattered when I'm the one giving birth. More so than my DH and definitely more so than my mom. So I just laid out for her what I wanted. I would just be honest and open with her. "Mom, I really don't want the kids at the hospital while I'm giving birth. And I really want you to be the one to keep them so I am not spending any energy worrying about them. Also I would really like to experience this last birth in an intimate setting with just Brian."

And then if her feelings DO get hurt - she will come to grips with it. But tell her soon. The longer she expects to be in there, the worse disappointment it will be for her. And worst case scenario, just know that as your mother she SHOULD respect your feelings - just like you would respect your daughter's wishes. She SHOULD support your decisions. And she WILL accept it eventually. You need to be happy with your birth experience and should not do anything that makes you uncomfortable or might bring regrets.

My daughter is perfect, but her birth was not. If you or someone you love is struggling to cope with a traumatic childbirth experience, please visit http://www.solaceformothers.org/
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