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Forum: Labor and Childbirth


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December 3rd, 2010, 06:37 PM
pinkprincess10's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 159
I want like 4-6 people (husband, mom, grandma, sister, friend) at the birth but a lot of people have told me it's not a good idea. Every single one of the people I want there are VERY suportive in their own way.


More than likely it will be at a birthing center.
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December 3rd, 2010, 10:05 PM
Calendula's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,600
I agreed to let my parents be there, and I don't regret it, but up until I was pushing I didn't want anyone but DH around me (luckily, my parents were very respectful of that with no hard feelings).

I can understand wanting all of the support you can get, but a lot of women seem to go through at least a phase where having spectators there would be very distracting and annoying. You'll have a whole room full of people staring at you, waiting.

At the very least, I'd make absolutely sure everyone of them had thick enough skin not to be wounded if they got snapped at or were asked to leave. Make sure they all have realistic expectations of how involved they'll be allowed to be, and make sure they know they aren't the birth jury there to pipe in on decisions you've already made.

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December 5th, 2010, 07:17 AM
New_England_Girl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Chilly New England
Posts: 6,767
First labors *generally* take a long time...between 10 and 36 hours. You may want to consider letting them just come in when you're pushing to cut down on the time they'll be standing around staring at you while nothing happens. Also, you may find that you don't want them there when you're actually in labor. I remember that during my first labor I was concentrating very hard and couldn't talk to anyone, let alone focus on a face or a conversation. My labor wasn't terribly long, 17 hours, but I think our families were happier at home and in the waiting room than listening to me grunting and breathing and watching me stumble naked from the shower to the toilet to the bed and back again, all night long.

Delivery may be amazing to watch, but the actual labor part is pretty glamourless, in my opinion. That being said, if you feel like you'll need a room full of people to concentrate, then you'll be perfectly happy having everyone in. Every woman has different needs and responds differently during labor.
Hi, I'm Sara. I used to post here a lot when I was having the kids, but life got busy and it's been years since I was around. Now I'm back, and happy to be here.

Married to my best friend for a decade.
Mom to:

Cassidy, 6.5 yrs. Born 10/23/07, 7 pounds 10 ounces, 20 in.

Joel, 4.75 yrs. Born 6/23/09, 9 pounds 12 ounces, 21 in.

Timothy, 2 yrs. Born 3/20/12, 9 pounds 4 ounces, 22.5 in.

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December 28th, 2010, 07:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,300
Every woman is different and has different needs. If you feel it's really important to have 6 people around, then have them.

However do you mean have them in the room with you the whole time or just have them show up as the baby begins to emerge? Or later?
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January 31st, 2011, 09:59 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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I had like 6 people in there with me
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February 1st, 2011, 03:34 PM
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 24
I thought I would want several but ended up just having my mom and DH before I had my epidural. I couldn't stand the thought of being around anyone else at that point. Once I had the meds, I was ok with the others coming in.
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February 3rd, 2011, 07:03 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
Posts: 5,959
Not everyone's labor will be the same, number 1. I use to be a Doula in the USA, and I've seen many people start with a big number like that in their birthing room.

1. Most rooms aren't that big, it gets crowded and camped. Birth centers are generally bigger, but with 4-6 plus nurses, MW's/Doctors, it can be cramped.

2. For many, having more than just their partner, can actually slow labor, even if you're not embarressed, stressed, etc. With ds2 I had a homebirth and had some family over, every time they entered my house my labor would slow down. When they would go outside it would pick back up. It was annoying and eventually it was just me, DH, my mom, MW and her assistant.
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
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February 4th, 2011, 02:23 PM
~Allison~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 16,694
I only had DH with me during the actual delivery. He was also in the room during all of my labor. MIL, FIL, SIL, my dad & a friend of the family would come & go while I was in labor.
Allison, wife to Aaron (9.28.02), and mommy to Aaden (6.17.08)

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February 10th, 2011, 01:00 PM
mzbrnbear's Avatar GabrielandLiliana'sMommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 491
It is just a personal choice...I had 5 people in the room while I pushed, and before that, it was standing room only, my doctor made them rotate. I had enourmous support through the whole (long) labor, and delivery. I don't regret it at all, but you know your family, read what some others wrote, think as to rather or not you feel there are any risks, and do what YOU want. A wedding and childbirth are two times in life a woman should have things as she really wants!
Good luck!
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February 20th, 2011, 08:53 PM
Purple654's Avatar Rhett's Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1,961
I know some places have a limit on the amount of people in the room. I would say whatever you are comfortable with! I personally only want DH with me but if you would like more and your birthing centre allows it..go for it!

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March 2nd, 2011, 01:03 AM
Silvia's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: US
Posts: 252
I know my cousin had her parents and her DH during birth, and she told me if she had another chance to choose, maybe just her DH. But again, whatever you feel comfortable
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April 17th, 2011, 10:50 PM
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I only want my husband there when it's time. I know my mom will have a fit but that is not something I am willing to share with anyone besides my husband.
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April 25th, 2011, 05:24 PM
WhoaMomma!'s Avatar Danielle
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 8,446
I really wanted my mom and sister and DH. My DH wanted to be just him. It was a BIG fight. We eventually compromised and said they could be there for labor support but would leave for the actual birth. My mom and sister were both obnoxious about it. Then when it came down to it, neither of them had the stamina to stay the entire time and my husband was not enough bc he couldn't be pushing on the 3 places I needed pain relief simultaneously. Then we ended up with an emergency csection anyway so he was the only one there. For my next birth I want my best friend and a doula to help my husband thru labor and just my husband and the doula for the birth. You gotta have what YOU need but my suggestion would be to have them take shifts. That way your labor companions are always fresh and rested and not giving you the "oh come ON already" stare.

My daughter is perfect, but her birth was not. If you or someone you love is struggling to cope with a traumatic childbirth experience, please visit http://www.solaceformothers.org/
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May 18th, 2011, 12:30 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,004
I think its a personal preference. For me, they would be distracting and annoying. I even found the sound of my husband talking to me annoying last time.

So, do whatever feels comfortable to you. Although in the moment, you might find you feel differently than you thought you might...

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May 18th, 2011, 02:01 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: I'm a husker girl :)
Posts: 16,336
with my daughter, i wanted it just to be my husband and me.

with my son the plan was hubby, our doula, my friend who is a photographer, my lifelong BFF and my daughter...and then of course my CNM (who was in the process of switching offices and didnt have hospital privliges at the time of Hunter's birth, so our doctor was there too)...but we got to the hospital just 10 minutes before Hunter was born...so everyone made it except my BFF and the photographer...but i can't tell you if they annoyed me in labor or not, since I mostly labored entirely on my own with my toddler running around my feet

I heard a great quote recently though..it was along the grounds of "Women can't even go to the bathroom alone, why would they give birth without an amazing group of supportive women and their partner" ... i found it to be true.

i enjoyed all the people being there immediately following hunters birth...a lot of pictures, and a lot of memories and people to celebrate

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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May 30th, 2011, 02:08 PM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
but a lot of people have told me it's not a good idea
are they saying that as a generic you don't want too many people there, or a you don't want so and so there because....


I had alot of people at my first and second, and it was fine. It was what I wanted and what worked for me. don't let other people dictate for you the birth you want
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July 3rd, 2011, 02:52 AM
Tree_Love's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Central California
Posts: 2,389
Originally Posted by Jessemarie View Post
I only want my husband there when it's time. I know my mom will have a fit but that is not something I am willing to share with anyone besides my husband.
This is exactly how I felt until the day came... I was always ok with her being there while I labored but didn't want her there for the birth. She ended up being an IMMENSE help in the entire process. It was nice to have her to snap at so DH could enjoy the experience. He never left my side except when they kicked him out for the epi.

Also, I say have as many or as few people as you want; just be selective. People that had a bad experience with a lot of people probably didn't put their foot down and say no "crazies". Like you know the people that irk you, so... DON'T LET THEM COME IN!! I let my dad in while I was laboring even though he stresses me out and pisses me off regularly. My BP literally went up, which was bad because I was being watched for some serious pre-e issues... I had to inform the nurses that it was up because of my dad and would go down once he left!!

And if you are having a birth center baby, I'm sure the situation will be much less stressful and all those people will be welcome! I don't like people or crowds, I get anxious when there are (IMO) too many people in a room. So if I have a next time, most likely just DH, mom and my incredible besties will be allowed. And it'll be in a birth center, too!

Elan Dakota 7/28/2012
Paxx Tarlow & Sage Finley 10/20/2012
Cael Hollis 5/3/2013

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July 13th, 2011, 04:11 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5
Holy cow, I had what felt like a thousand people in the delivery room with me as I was giving birth. It was actually only 14, which is a LOT, and I was having twins so that accounted for the OB, Resident, med student, nurses, pediatrician, NICU staff, etc. I had my mother in there with me and she was the only family member. I got the feeling my mother-in-law would have liked to be there (my hubby passed away a few months before the birth and we became VERY close), but I didn't want to expose my al fresco situation to more than the necessary hospital personnel + my own mommy. She was understanding and there were no hard feelings.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders
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