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January 21st, 2011, 04:40 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 21
I'm pregnant with my first child (yay!), and that's probably why I'm freaking out over so many things, haha.

Right now, my freak-out subject of choice has been labor and delivery. I have read many a horror story regarding women who were "forced" to undergo a C-Section, and these C-Sections were deemed unnecessary AFTER the surgery (like, the baby would have been fine, nothing to worry about, etc).

I've also read about doctors who basically force women to have a C-Section because labor's taking too long for them (the doctor, not the woman) and they want to go home so they opt for C-Section and claim whatever they want. They know they won't get sued because of the "third party rule" in the law. (You can refuse all you want, but if there is a third party involved *aka your baby* they can basically force the woman to undergo a C-Section). And I've heard that you can't sue them for it because they'll just use that third-party rule against you. I heard they also can't get sued since (apparently) insurance companies cover emergency C-Sections, so it's not like they're costing you any more money.

I'm also afraid that I'm going to make my OB mad if I read the papers that they have me sign at the hospital. I ALWAYS read something that I have to sign. I have to know what I'm signing off for, you know? What if I don't agree with something that the paper says? What can I do? If I don't want to sign, can't they refuse to help me?

I'm completely terrified that my OB will not listen to me if she opts for a C-Section. I'm perfectly fine with C-Sections if they are actually used in emergency, but if my doctor can't prove it to me, I'm afraid she'll go for that third party rule thing. I told my husband about these fears and he said that if the both of us are not convinced that the child is in immediate danger, we'll leave the hospital (like if I'm pushing for 2 hours and she says it's taking too long, as I've heard in some stories).

I'm just a terrified mess right now about this. I feel like if I go through with a C-Section and it's deemed unnecessary afterward, I'll feel like a failure. I know it sounds weird, but that's just how it is. I'm just scared. Please don't judge me.

I've considered homebirth with a midwife but my family acts like it's so terrible and that I could die and that the baby could die. I don't want my baby to die! I just want to be heard and respected.

I'm also terrified of catheters (I was traumatized when I was little and had pneumonia and had to have one--the doctors held me down and didn't even try to comfort me, or if they did, I was screaming and crying too much to hear.) I have an extreme phobia of them and I have been told that I can't refuse one if I have a C-Section (even though it only lasts a few minutes). It scares me so much that even thinking about it makes me want to cry. Please understand, it's a phobia. Telling me it's not so bad isn't going to help me if that's all you say. It's just KNOWING that it's there, I feel like I'd have am emotional breakdown. I'm the same way with drains. I have a terrible phobia of drains (especially pool drains) and if I'm swimming over one, I lose complete control. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll drown because it's like I can't move, I can't breathe, and I've come close to requiring a lifeguard or friend to come and pull me out. But that's another story in general. I just feel that I might freak out in the same sort of way (feel like I have no control over anything, emotionallly panic, feel like I can't breathe, etc.) I'm not 100% sure it will actually happen, but just thinking about having a catheter makes me shake, sometimes cry.

I think I'm freaking out over nothing, but I can't help it. It just seems like my family won't listen to me and I'm afraid my OB won't either (and I can't transfer to any others because I don't know any others in my area--I live in a fairly small city).

My OB also said that she will induce if I reach 41 weeks. While I don't yet know if I'll get that far, I know that as long as there is nothing wrong with the baby, the placenta, and the mommy, she doesn't have to induce. But I'm afraid she'll force it on me. My grandmother was a MONTH past her due date and they didn't induce her because everything was fine (her OB is retired now or I'd go for her, haha)

Please help! (And tell me I'm worrying for nothing?). I'm just a mess of worries. And this is the tip of the iceberg!
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January 21st, 2011, 11:04 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I will reply to this way more indepth when I am not on my phone...but look up statistics...homebirth death is FAR less than hospital death!

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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January 22nd, 2011, 05:15 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 21

Sorry it's so long. I didn't really mean for it to get that long, haha.
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January 22nd, 2011, 07:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,300
I too am terrified of hospitals for similar reasons.
I feel like you have to give up control of your own body. In fact I went to one for my 8 week check up and already felt forced to do things I didn't want(like they made me pay $100 to get STD tests even though I know I don't have those). I feel hospitals do nothing but put fear where there shouldn't be any.
That's why we are doing a homebirth.
The idea made my husband nervous at first, but there are thousands of homebirth videos on You Tube. After watching about 20(including one where a woman and her husband play guitar and sing moments before she delivers) Now he says, "Oh that looks nice and peaceful."
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January 22nd, 2011, 07:42 PM
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Posts: 5,522
I had a similar fear. I ruled out home-birth because sometimes medical help IS needed. I would not be able to live with myself if my son died from something that could've been prevented in a hospital setting. I would honestly rather be pressured into an unnecessary c-section than lose my baby because I thought the Dr was being impatient. Yes, women having been giving birth since the beginning of time, but much less babies die these days! I am not saying that home-births are bad, or dangerous, and if you feel comfortable doing it than that's great! I am sure that most home-births go by smoothly without any problems. I just wouldn't want to be in the small percentage of bad scenarios, especially if being in a hospital can prevent it!

With that being said, I also don't want to be bullied into unnecessary interference... So I chose a midwife. Midwives don't push c-sections and inductions as much as doctors. But If you birth in the hospital with a midwife, there is always a doctor on call if they are needed!

Last edited by stargatemommy; January 22nd, 2011 at 07:46 PM.
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January 22nd, 2011, 09:20 PM
amberjolie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 884
I'm not sure what it's like where you are, but where I'm from, midwives can deliver in a hospital, so if you're nervous about "what if" something happens, you can have the peace of mind to be in the hospital. See if that's an option for you.

Also, if I were you, I would speak to your OB/GYN now, not while you're in labour. Discuss your concerns and explain what you want from your labour & delivery, and see what she says. If she sounds like she'll listen to you, write up a "birth plan" (if you look online I bet you'll be able to see examples), that outline what you want or do not want during labour & delivery, so that it can be handed to a nurse or doctor during labour so you don't have to think about everything then.

Also, look into the possibility of a doula. You'd probably have to pay for one, but they help during L&D, and can act the part of an advocate for you at a time when you may not be able to put up much of a fight. They can push for your birth plan to be followed as much as possible.

Anyways, just some ideas. I hope it works out for you.

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January 24th, 2011, 04:25 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You can decline anything, even a c-section. They cannot force you to have a c-section, an epidural, IV etc. They may use scare tactics, but you need to educate yourself. Stop reading other people's stories and read unbiased sources of real information so you are an informed client.
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
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January 24th, 2011, 04:55 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 21
Well, I've read quite a few books (some even textbooks) about pregnancy. All of them pretty much advocate "Whatever the Dr. says goes." I wish I could find one that doesn't. But that's just me.

I'm probably worrying for nothing, and I do plan on talking to my OB at the next appt.

Thanks ladies I also didn't know that midwives could birth at hospitals! I will definitely look into that!
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January 24th, 2011, 05:24 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Pavia, Italy
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Originally Posted by MrsM View Post
Well, I've read quite a few books (some even textbooks) about pregnancy. All of them pretty much advocate "Whatever the Dr. says goes." I wish I could find one that doesn't. But that's just me.

I'm probably worrying for nothing, and I do plan on talking to my OB at the next appt.

Thanks ladies I also didn't know that midwives could birth at hospitals! I will definitely look into that!
CNM's (Certified Nurse Midwives) can work at a hospital. But a homebirth Midwife, probably won't be able to do anything once at the hospital.

There are a ton of books that don't say follow the Dr.

The Official Lamaze Guide by Judith Lothian

Birthing from Within (which talks about fears) by Pam England

Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

The Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth by Henci Goer

My Best Birth by Ricki Lake

Better Birth

Instinctive Birthing by Valarie Clark

She Births by Marci Macari

The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Shelia Kitzinger

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin

Active Birth

Normal Childbirth by Susan Downe

The Labor Progress Handbook by Penny Simkin

The Birth Book by William Sears

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah Buckley

Husband Coached Childbirth by Robert Bradley

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Method by Susan McCutcheon Rosegg

Natural Pregnancy: A Practical, Holistic Guide to Wellbeing from Conception to Birth by Janet Balaskas

Child is Born: A Natural Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Early Childhood by Wilheim Zur Linden

The Art of Conscious Parenting: The Natural Way to Give Birth, Bond With, and Raise Healthy Children by Jeffrey L. Fine
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
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January 25th, 2011, 10:12 AM
Shea131's Avatar Peyton Rylee's Mommy!!
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Location: Illinois
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Well I can't really relate because I didn't have the fears that you have. However, you can refuse anything! You don't have to have a c-section! Just keep in mind the health of you and your baby and go with what your gut says.

I bet you are worrying for nothing and will have the most incredible vaginal delivery!! Stop reading all the horror stories because EVERY delivery is different. In the end you will have a beautiful baby and you will probably care less about how he/she came into the world once you see his/her face!!

Please try and stop worrying so much (I know easier said than done) and just enjoy your pregnancy because it goes by sooooo fast and one day you will probably miss it!! I know I do!

When are you due?!?!?!

Thank you Quantum_Leap for my fabulous signature!!!
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January 25th, 2011, 12:26 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
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I just popped in here when I saw the topic and hope you don't mind my posting. As the others have said, you don't have to have a c-section unless it's an emergency situation. If you're dealing with shoulder dystocia you use the Gaskin Maneuver (definitely read anything you can by Ina May Gaskin) and other problems from various degrees of pain to the babies heart rate can be affected simply by changing position. You don't need a c-section because the baby may be big and you don't have to agree to an induction because you're at 41 weeks. If the doctor schedules one without your consent just don't go.

With the catheter phobia you're going to want to talk to your OB and hospital because some require a catheter if you're given an epidural and while you didn't mention planning to have one I'm sure that isn't a surprise you would want to drop into your lap if you do decide to have an epidural.

Also, if you want a home birth or birthing center birth that's YOUR choice. No matter what you decide to do there will be people saying you should/shouldn't have an epidural, should/shouldn't have an induction, should/shouldn't have a c-section, etc. My IL's think it's best to be out cold when the baby is born and if you have to be awake you should have an epi so strong you won't feel anything for a month. Everybody is going to have an opinion and most of them aren't going to agree with your wishes. In the end you're the one that needs to be at peace with your birth experience, not them.

I hope that things go beautifully for you and your precious baby.
~Thanks Babydoll213 for my awesome siggie!~

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January 26th, 2011, 11:15 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,741
How far along are you? If you're too afraid to bring things up to your OB because you think she might get mad at you, then she probably isn't the right OB for you. Your child's birth isn't about your OB's feelings... it's about You, Your SO, and that baby.

If you don't want a C-section and it isn't an emergency, then refuse it. They can't force you down and cut you open. You have to stand up for yourself, but it'd be even more helpful to have your SO (or whoever else is going to be in the room) be your advocate.. Make sure they know what you want and don't want and make sure they are strong enough to stand up for you because once you get so far along in labor and get tired you'll agree to just about anything to get that baby out. So make sure your support person is supportive, strong minded, and willing to be your advocate to the doctors and nurses and well as be an advocate for you TO you.. you're going to need reminders of why you don't want to go a certain route and that's their job as your labor coach.

I also had/have a HUGE fear of catheters resulting from a very bad experience with them. I got an epidural with all my kids.. I had to have a catheter with 3 of them (the 4th one came too fast for one) and didn't feel it at all.. they waited until after I had my epidural to put one in. They also didn't leave it in. They drained my bladder and removed it ( they did have to do this a few times) but that helped me mentally.. knowing that it wasn't being left in me. If you are getting an epidural then don't allow them to use a catheter until after you have the epidural. If you aren't getting an epidural then there shouldn't be a reason for the catheter.
Andrea, Mama to.. Noah (2006), Nickolas (2007), Alyzabeth (2008), and Savannah (2010)

Many Many Thanks to GraysMama (Chelsea) for my AMAZING Siggy!!!

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January 26th, 2011, 11:47 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think you need to get a doula!!

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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January 26th, 2011, 01:23 PM
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I think Birthing From Within would be a good book for you to read. It can really be scary when you are pregnant the first time, especially if you are not comfortable with your provider. Like the other ladies have said, you definitely need to voice your concerns now, rather than waiting. Having a doula is a great option!

My husband's family had similar feelings about midwives, but we went to one anyway. We love her and so does the rest of his family now. :-) Although, my husband did ask her at our first appointment when we were pregnant with our son where she kept the shrunken heads in her office.
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January 27th, 2011, 03:47 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 21
Okay. I talked to my doctor! My husband came with me so that I would feel much more comfortable.

I had a set list of questions to ask her (written down) so I wouldn't forget any.

Turns out she was way more understanding than I thought she would be. haha! Never again will I read a horror story and associate it with my own pregnancy (I mean, if I do have a bad labor experience, I will at least try to prepare myself for everything, you know?)

My doc and I both kinda think I'm a bit OCD about my labor and delivery. Ha. But it turned out that the hospital is super lenient and favors vaginal deliveries over C-sections because they know it's best for mom and baby. <3

Here were the questions I asked, in case any of you want to ask your doctor the same thing or just would like to know:

1. I want to avoid a C-Section as much as possible. Is there anything I can do during pregnancy / during labor to prevent having one? If so, what are these things?
Turns out that she was fine with that, and I told her that I was comfortable with an emergency C-Section if it was that--An emergency. She said that would be the only time she would push for one (and she'd tell me what was wrong, and why she wanted to go ahead with a C-Section; and before she did that she'd help me try natural things to help whatever the problem is).

2. I would like to avoid the use of forceps/Vacuum extraction. Why is this done, and what are some alternatives? What are the risks?
She explained that she doesn't even use forceps, and that vacuum extraction would be done 1. only in an emergency / if it was needed and 2. WITH MY CONSENT.

3. Can I eat during the first stage of labor? Why or why no? If not, what if I want to?
She explained that she personally does not have a problem with it, but once I get to the hospital, it depends on the nurse. Apparently most of them are pretty lenient about it. She also mentioned that it'd probably be one of the last things on my mind, haha. But it was still okay with her.

4. Am I allowed to give birth in whatever position I desire? If not, what positions are allowed?
Turns out, my hospital is VERY lenient on this. They allow me to give birth in whatever position I desire. They also understand that laying flat on your back wiith legs up is the worst position for birth (apparently).

5. Am I allowed the use of a birthing (exercise) ball?
Yes! If I bring my own. My mother has one and she said we'd probably buy a new one just for me

6. Is waterbirth available?
No, but tubs are available during labor as a natural way to ease pain. I just wanted to know so I knew what all of my options would be.

7. The length of labor varies from woman to woman. I want to avoid undergoing a C-Section for a "prolonged labor" and/or "failure to progress" Do you agree that I should be able to do this if I desire, even if my labor lasts longer than 24 hours?
She is fine with long labors as long as mother and baby are safe (which I agree with). She said I can go for as long as I want as long as my child and I are doing just fine.

8. How do you feel about vaginally delivering a breech baby?
She said that it depends on the position, and if they notice it before labor, then they'd try to turn the baby.

9. I do not want to be induced, unless in the case of medical emergency. What medical issues would cause me to have to be induced?
Either problems with the baby or blood pressure problems with me would constitute for her recommending induction. I also asked her about the use of pitocin and asked if there were alternatives. She mentioned some thing (a cervical cream I think) but I don't remember the name. It was kinda long! haha.

10. For labor and delivery, how many people are allowed in the room?
People can come and go while I'm in the first stage of labor, but during delivery, only two supports will be allowed. In my case, my mother and my husband.

11. Can I not have continuous EFM?
The way they do EFM at my hospital is pretty lax. They leave it on for (I think) 30 minutes, then take it off for a while. They don't do continuous EFM unless needed.

12. Am I allowed to walk around during labor (to use the restroom, etc.)
Yes. This is of course as long as I'm using no epidural or a walking epidural. If I'm using a regular epidural, I won't be able to walk around.

13. Is an IV required?
No. A lock (I think that's what she said) is. It's where the catheter for an IV is still in so they can put an IV in if it's needed. I like this.

14. When can I have pain relief if I request it? When is it too late?
It's too late to receive an epidural once I'm 8 cm dilated.

I really am way more comfortable now with my doctor than I thought I would be! I'm actually looking forward to my labor and delivery.

I also asked if my arms would have to be strapped down if I did have to have a C-Section. She said that at my hospital, they don't strap arms down. Yay!

I forgot to mention the catheter issues, but with the way my doctor was answering my questions, I don't think I'll even have to worry about that. But I may or may not ask about that next appointment.

Thanks ladies, you all helped me to calm down! I love my doctor now, haha! I kinda wanted to hug her after the appointment sense all of my worries were tossed out the window.
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January 31st, 2011, 09:58 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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I am glad that you were able to get things worked out!
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