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Really Struggling.. (loss mentioned)

Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss


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March 12th, 2012, 07:08 AM
Jessybear1219's Avatar Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 35
So in the past 2 days I have found out that 2 of my sister in laws are expecting...
I am really struggling with this news... I feel so horrible that I'm not excited for them.. I feel so horrible that it hurts me so much... They are both due at the same time as I would have been for my most reacent loss.. I just don't know what to do.. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way??

History on me..
Got pregnant augest 2011... Miscarried in Oct 2011 (blighted ovum) .. Didn't have AF .. Found out I was pregnant again in Dec 2011... Miscarried Feb 2012...

So I'm still dealing with my recent loss that was only a few weeks ago.. I just feel so lost.. I don't know what to do..say..or feel..

Anyone with some words of wisdom??

I knew when I woke up this morning and felt so down that TCAL is the first place I had to come! Thank you to everyone that is here.. We all make a difference in eachothers lives..
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March 12th, 2012, 07:31 AM
kateb10's Avatar Expecting #2!!!
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 309
Firstly, you are NOT a horrible person to feel the way you feel. A loss is so difficult to go through as it is, without the added frustration and heartache of others' success (especially the due date being around the time of yours).

I have two friends who have just announced on Facebook that they are expecting and that's the HARDEST. It's somehow different when I see super pregnant women that I don't know - still sad, but not nearly as sad as someone I know expecting the same time. It makes me think not just that I'm not pregnant, but specifically about the babe I never got to know...

Hope I'm not just blabbering, I really feel for you and hope that your TTC journey gets smoother and happier QUICKLY. I am so sorry for both of your losses and pray for healing.


Wife to Stu, Mommy to English Jane (15 months), remembering sweet babe lost Feb. 24 at 8 weeks

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March 12th, 2012, 08:59 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,624
You are NOT a horrible person. What your feeling is completely normal. It's hard enough to try to have to process a loss and when someone close to you gets pregnant or is pregnant it makes it 10x harder.

My best advice is take things one minute at at time for now. Let yourself grieve the loss and if they don't understand then that's their issue. We are here for you hun.

My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11

Expecting my baby boy May 9th
Emergency cerclage put in 12/24

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March 12th, 2012, 09:37 AM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,635
I am so sorry for your losses! It is very difficult when those close to us find out that they are pregnant. My advice is to protect yourself. Focus on yourself.

Thank you so much Bokkechick for the perfect siggie!!!
12-10-10 2-6-12
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March 12th, 2012, 10:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,688
I'm so sorry for your losses and please know that your feelings are completely normal. I had to unfriend some people on facebook because I couldn't deal with hearing about their pregnancies while I was healing. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself, even if it means avoiding some situations or conversations.


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March 12th, 2012, 04:19 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also hid people when I felt I couldn't handle it.
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March 12th, 2012, 04:54 PM
pepper73's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,188
I am so sorry! Finding out about friends/family who are pregnant is SO hard! Like the others said, you are not horrible at all!! It is totally normal!! I go through the same feelings when a friend announces a pregnancy. I agree to limit your time with them as much as you can while you let yourself heal. You deserve your time to grieve.
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March 12th, 2012, 06:18 PM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
Posts: 7,228
I'm really sorry for your losses I understand to a degree how you feel. I had one m/c and SIL is due 2 weeks after my EDD and she's having twins! She originally didn't know we were pregnant for about 2 weeks together because we didn't announce it right away. I did tell her about the m/c a few days after it happened. I knew that things she would say would strike a nerve.
Do they know you've had two losses? I pray you get your rainbow baby soon.

Oct '11 June '12
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March 12th, 2012, 07:57 PM
Jessybear1219's Avatar Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 35
Thank you everyone for all of your kind words!!
Its so hard to feel like this.. And no one unless they've experenced loss truly understand..

I'm praying that I'm feeling better about the situation soon.. We are having a surpise birthday for my MIL and I have no choice to be around them that day.. But I am avoiding at all costs until that day!!
Yes they know about my losses.. They all were nervous to tell us.. Seems as though we were the last ones told.. Everyone else was told a few weeks ago.. One told us Via text message and the other told us via email... It was hard to have it that way.. But at least they couldn't see my reaction when I found out.. Its like my heart sank.. The text message one I was at a wedding when I got it.. I was trying soo hard to hold back my tears...
I think I'm going to struggle with this their entire pregnancys because they are both due the same week... And I would have been due the following week... **sigh**

I will try to stay strong and get myself happy and healthy.. And do everything I can until I get my rainbow baby!!
Thanks again everyone!!
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March 12th, 2012, 08:08 PM
twoboys's Avatar photography co-host!!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Holly Springs, NC
Posts: 13,018
I am so sorry for your losses I know its so hard and it does not make you a bad person at all. My best friend IRL is pregnant and due the same time as I was (I also had a loss in February) Its been REALLY hard!! It has definitely put a strain on our friendship, in that I have had to hold back a little because its been so painful to hear about her pregnancy (I am still very excited for her, but I cant help but also feel jealousy and anxiety because thats where I *should* be too).. Its really hard..

Just try to take each day as it comes and if you need to distance yourself for a little while its okay, take your time and make sure you are okay first..

I really really hope that by the time they are due you will be safely carrying your rainbow child so it will make things easier for you!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...
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March 12th, 2012, 09:06 PM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,987
I am so sorry for your losses. It is so hard to deal with your losses, especially when people close to you are expecting.

My SIL found out she was pregnant right after my first m/c. She announced at 4 weeks and went on to have a successful pregnancy. I know it might sound bitter, but I hate when people announce so early...I wish I could be that blissfully ignorant...I went on to have another loss while she was pregnant. Sucked.

OK, going to stop being a downer...It is OK if you keep your distance. It is better for you to grieve away from them and not say something you don't mean and will regret in the future.

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March 13th, 2012, 02:38 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
i just wanted to offer you some HUGS...as i was starting to have bleeding issues with my 3rd pregnancy (2nd loss, this past Oct), my sister announced she was pregnant with twins due just a couple of weeks ahead of when i was due. It's a difficult thing to deal with when you're hitting your lowest, personally. You will come through it and in time be able to celebrate their good fortune more...just give yourself some time & space to grieve your own loss and distance yourself as much as you can when you need to.

Are they aware of your loss, or did you not announce anything to your family? If they're aware, hopefully they'll be sensitive to what you're going through emotionally....and if they aren't (my family wasn't - we chose not to ruin my sister's joy & excitement over the twins with our bad news) then be aware that they may sometimes say something unfeeling out of ignorance. HUGS

Savannah Stylin!

Remembered Forever with Love
10/13/2008 (@9w2d) 10/18/2011 (@8w5d) 2/12/2012 (@4w3d) 8/13/2012 (@10w3d)
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