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Just feeling sad/paranoid/anxious/nervous- any advise?

Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss


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  • 1 Post By missy123
  • 1 Post By CLS2616
  • 1 Post By momology
  • 1 Post By sweetpea3

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January 22nd, 2013, 01:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 2,283
Hi everyone, it's been a month today since I found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat at 9 weeks 4 days. My husband and decided to wait until this summer to start trying again. I really just want to get back in shape, lose a few lbs and just be healthy when I get pregnant again. I never imagined a miscarriage would happen to me. I have a healthy daughter and spotted a tiny bit in my 1st trimester but nothing serious.

Whenever I think about TTC again I get very nervous (obviously I'm not ready yet) but I am going to be 33 next month and feel like if I want another baby I need to start TTC sooner than later.

I am afraid of not only having another miscarriage but I'm afraid of having a late miscarriage more. I don't even know why I'm thinking like this!

Our plan is to start trying this summer but I'm sooooo scared, I know there is no guarantee that I won't have another miscarriage but I just wish there was something that would ease my fears!

Does anyone have any advise?
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January 22nd, 2013, 01:14 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 4,486
I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

I say try again when you feel up to it and don't try to pressure yourself into it. 33 is still young and you don't have any control over what happens again, so try to stay positive.

If it is your first miscarriage, then remember, most women go on to have a completely normal pregnancy afterwards.

Does your insurance cover counseling? If so, maybe it would help to go talk with someone about the miscarriage and to process it all and perhaps help to ease your fears some.


Mindy & Josh
Mama to 3 beautiful girls!
DD - Maya (11), DD - Sophia (7)
, & DD - Jane (0)

11/04 09/12 12/12
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January 22nd, 2013, 02:46 PM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southwest, Missouri
Posts: 6,062
Yes, 33 is not too old at all! It sounds like you both have a great plan for next time. And yes, just because you had one miscarriage does not exempt you from having a healthy pregnancy. I completely understand your hesitation and worry. But give yourself some time to heal if you feel like you need it. *hugs*
Christine, momma to Chloe [7.20.07], Alexis [9.8.09], and Jude [10.14.13]

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January 22nd, 2013, 09:03 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
(((hugs))) I am sorry for your loss. Pregnancy/Baby loss changes us forever. From the minute we see that BFP we connect with our baby... we fall in love. This shatters our hopes, dreams, hearts and heads.

Everything you are feeling is normal. The fear, the anxiety, everything. Loss is the most helpless feeling... Let yourself cry and howl... it helps with the healing process some.

As for TTC again, that is up to you. 33 is young (I had Scarlett at 43). Take care of YOU right now and you will know when you are ready.

Again, I am so sorry.
CLS2616 likes this.

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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January 23rd, 2013, 12:03 AM
Beautiful Life!
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,081
Just thought I'd come onto this board as I've been feeling sad and depressed all day as well. We lost our pregnancies at the same time last month. I'm still getting e-mails from different sites about where I'd/we'd be in our pregnancies and I just want to cry. I also found some of my pregnancy tests that I'd hidden away from that pregnancy the other day and all I could do was stare at them. We have decided to try again right away or ntnp. Like you though, I've been having anxiety thinking about late term loss. It was so hard at 9 1/2 weeks, I can't imagine the pain I'd feel later on. I do find comfort in the chances of another miscarriage being small. I also feel that no matter what happens, I know my husband is right there with me, supporting me, holding me, and experiencing all of those emotions with me. He's the only person that helped me get through last month and the holidays. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry we are now in the ttcal board instead of the july ddc. I hope and pray that time, day by day will get easier and by this summer maybe we'll both be in a new ddc?!

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January 23rd, 2013, 09:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 2,283
You girls are so wonderful. I don't know what I'd do if there was no such thing as internet lol I am so sorry for all of your loses as well.

I want so hard to be excited to start trying again, hopefully i'll be ready by this summer.

Thank you for your responses, they definately help. Although I hate that we are all here, i'm glad that we are not alone.

mommamindy, wishing you luck that would be wonderful if we are in the same ddc again!
mommamindy likes this.
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January 23rd, 2013, 12:44 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,452
I am still feeling nervous and anxious as well - I think it would be really hard not to feel that way. We have decided to start TTC again right away but part of me feels like I don't know how I will feel if I get to see that BFP again.

One thing that has really helped me has been talking about it with my doctor - and seeing what we can do to help keep me from being so nervous if I do get pregnant again. She has been so helpful and supportive.

I think you should take all the time you need and wait until you are ready - but I imagine there will always be some amount of anxiousness involved.
CLS2616 likes this.

Cautiously expecting Seamonkey #2 Due Oct 4th

Missing our angels:
Molar pregnancy loss (12 weeks) - 1/2013
Missed Miscarriage (10 weeks) - 6/2013
Early Miscarriage (5 weeks) - 12/2016

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January 25th, 2013, 10:32 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Abbotsford, BC
Posts: 16
I'm so sorry that you're so nervous, it is completely normal (if that makes you feel any better?) We had our son at 39 weeks in Oct, he came out extremely white but breathing, and then he unexpectedly passed away an hour after birth. For us, I am terrified to have another baby but I'm also terrified at the thought of not having another baby. We have decided to start trying because I don't think I'll ever be like ok, I'm ready. I think whether I get pregnant tomorrow or 10 years from now I'm going to be extremely anxious. One unfortunate thing about meeting others that have had a loss is you hear so many stories and all of a sudden fears become so real and close to home. Between my two daughters I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks so I already hold my breath until 12 weeks is passed. Well now, I'm going to be so on edge and stressed (while trying my hardest not to be!) until WAY after birth. But now, I've met a few couples that have lost babies to "SIDS" at 4, 6, 9, 11 months old, so I don't know if that fear will ever leave. heck, I'm freaked about everything possible with my 3 and 5 year olds!
I think the other ladies are right in saying that 33 is definitely not old, don't feel pressure because of that. As long as you two can agree on when to start trying and can be there for each other is all that matters but it's going to be much more nerve wracking this time.
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January 28th, 2013, 06:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 2,283
Thanks everyone. Sweetpea, you definately make a very good point. I've never thought about it that way. We worry about our children their whole life, starting the day we find out we are pregnant so, getting through the pregnancy is only the very 1st worry we go through. This makes me feel a bit better about things. I am too freaked out about everything with my daughter lol It's just in our nature to worry and be anxious about our children lol
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January 28th, 2013, 03:11 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Abbotsford, BC
Posts: 16
I think especially when something happens its so normal to freak out. I've always let my daughters go to friends houses and have had no issues with friends of mine picking them up and taking them for a playdate etc, but all of a sudden the possibility of something happening has become SO real (because one of my children DID die). I wasn't able to control my sons death, but I am determined to do absolutely everything in my power to keep my other two alive. It's so sad but I do feel like I have failed as a mom because 2/3 are here. Now I have panic attacks when they're not with me, I stress when they're driving with someone else, I try my hardest not to think about my 5 year old being at school and the thousands of dangers that are out in the world. I know I can't let it get the best of me because that would be so detrimental to them but it's really hard. I really don't have any advice but hopefully you can feel encouraged that you're not the only one. From experience once you become a bereaved parent, feeling "normal" if only for a moment can be really helpful!
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