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well we finally had it out lat night.

Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss


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  • 2 Post By Redneck_Mommy
  • 3 Post By Mom2AnAngel2
  • 4 Post By plan4fate
  • 3 Post By katydae88
  • 2 Post By humnck

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April 22nd, 2014, 07:51 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,860
miscarriage really is awful. neither one of us is particular good at expressing how we feel to each other and it gets all bottled up and comes out in a nasty argument.

we finally got there last night. and I think my days of babies is over.

My husband didn't really want other baby, but then I got pregnant, and he wasn't the greatest about it for the few weeks I was pregnant.

then I lost the baby, and I guess was blaming me for putting him the situation of starting to accept it, only to have it taken away.

It is really easy to forget you both go through it, and I know I wasn't even really considering him to have been grieving, since he made it pretty clear to me that he wasn't happy we were having another.

So since my m/c he hasn't really wanted sex, or I guess I should say he hasn't wanted to have baby makign sex, he is open to other things. and that finally came out last night, I knew it, but I wanted him to admit is to me.

so, anyway, we are still trying to figure out our health insurance, we thought we enrolled last week, we were told we would be contacted about our premium payment, but then yesterday we get a thing in the mail that has all of our names wrong and is pretty confusing as to whether or not we are actually enrolled in a plan.

So anyway, once we find out if we actually have a plan, I guess it is time to save the money for our deductible and I will be getting a tubal.

FF Chart**CrazyAmiCrochet**
Missing Our Angels gone too soon 6/5/10 (9wks) & 3/1/14 (9wks)
Chemical Pregnancy 5/31/15
Adam Michael 9/22/06 (c-section)~Nathan Joseph 9/4/08 (VBAC)~Lincoln Thomas 9/5/12 (VBAC)

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April 22nd, 2014, 01:47 PM
Redneck_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SE Texas
Posts: 1,503
Hello. I'm sorry about your loss. It is a really difficult thing for both parents to go through. Recognizing that your husband has an emotional investment in this, is a really important thing. Men and women don't process, or express, emotion the same. I hope y'all are able to find peace with this situation and move forward.

Just from an outside perspective, it doesn't seem like you want to go the tubal route... If you're not 100% on that, maybe consider a less permanent option. Just my humble opinion.
Sahoko and IBelieveInAngels like this.
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April 22nd, 2014, 02:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2,202
I am sorry that everything came out in an argument. I hope that you are able to work through your issues together. I agree with Redneck_Mommy in that it does not sound llike you are 100% on board with the tubal. Having a tubal is an actually surgery. Not to push a voice point /my opinion, but I would recommend than a man have a vasectomy instead. A vasectomy is a simple procedure that is actually done in the office.

Again, I am not trying to push my opinion on you. I just wanted to make a suggestion. I don't think I could go through with surgery if I was not 100% ready for it.
BFP#1: 8/11, DS born sleeping at 19 weeks
BFP#2: 5/12, our rainbow, DS born 1/4/13
BFP#3: 11/13, missed miscarriage discovered at 10 weeks
BFP #4: 5/14, our second rainbow, DD born 1/23/15
Praying for another LO!
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April 22nd, 2014, 08:39 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,860
believe me, I have talked to him about the v. he is refusing, hence why all the bc is faling on my shoulders, even though I still kind of want more babies.

FF Chart**CrazyAmiCrochet**
Missing Our Angels gone too soon 6/5/10 (9wks) & 3/1/14 (9wks)
Chemical Pregnancy 5/31/15
Adam Michael 9/22/06 (c-section)~Nathan Joseph 9/4/08 (VBAC)~Lincoln Thomas 9/5/12 (VBAC)

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April 22nd, 2014, 09:55 PM
isaroo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Arizona
Posts: 2,449
I'm sorry, Ami. It's not over until it's over. The insurance might just take long enough for him to grieve and change his mind. You just never know. I hope whatever happens, I hope you both can find a mutual ground soon.

~Missing our Angel ~ March 8, 2014~

Next Appointment 11/19

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April 22nd, 2014, 11:36 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
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I'm in the boat of until I am done, I'm not having anything surgical done. My husband was understanding, and said after we've had one, maybe two he'll get the V.

I know I don't post here often, but I do lurk and read. If he doesn't want a baby, he should be doing something about it. It's not just your responsibility.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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April 23rd, 2014, 03:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,623
I have to agree with Ashley here; I don't believe it should be *your* responsibility to have to have the surgery since it is *him* who doesn't want any more children. Been there and done that and regretted it and we are NOT married any more and a lot of it was because of the resentment I had towards him for me getting my tubes tied when I wasn't ready to do it. Yes I know I am/was an adult but I was only 21 at the time and felt like that was my only option available. It took me a long time to get over my anger towards him even after the divorce because he could still father children with another woman; I had to spend almost $10,000 to get my tubal reversal so that I can (hopefully) have a baby with my now DH!!!

My Ovulation Chart
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April 24th, 2014, 10:48 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.

I do agree, however, that if he is the one that doesn't want more children, then he needs to do something on his end. A tubal is a major surgery, a V is a procedure. Would he even be willing to go to the doctor with you, when insurance is sorted out, and hear your doctor explain things? Maybe an outside perspective will be better for him to hear?
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4/2008 8/2011

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April 25th, 2014, 07:59 AM
ladytack's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mid Michigan
Posts: 440
I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. The emotions that occur with a pregnancy loss are so unique, unpredictable and personal. I hope that things get better between you and your spouse. Take care of yourself.
Me: Ekko (35) and DH (34) Parents to Ellis Mae born Oct 2012
Angel Babies
*Oct 2013*
*April 2014*

BFP #4 on 8/22/14 EDD May 7th!!!
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