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Just so upset


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
May 20th, 2005, 10:07 PM
sandycheeks's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 2,982
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I am so upset. I don't understand why I am having m/c's all the time. Why me? I hate asking that question- because I am a christian and I know we shouldn't ask why and I feel like God will be mad at me for asking.

I am so mad, and angry and so sad. I can't help it when I see someone to get a bfp I can't be happy for them. I just can't, instead I think why isn't that me? Does that make me cold hearted? Am I only one who thinks like this?

I am crying my eyes out as I type this. I feel like no one understands me, and I have no one to talk to me. Sure my husband was upset, but now its like nothing happened. Its all I think about. I also think what if I xcan never have kids. When I do mention it to anyone they blow me off, like its nothing. To me it means everything.

I just don't how I am going to go on anymore. This hurts so much. I don't even know if this won't happen again. Some days I'm okay and others I'm not. Like right now, I am not doing so good. Little things trigger the hurt and pain.

I am so scared, I don't want to go through this pain again.
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  #2  
May 20th, 2005, 10:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,123
Tabatha,

First of all, I just want you to know how sorry I am that you have had multiple miscarraiges. I know that is hard. I've been there. Please don't ever think that God is mad at you for asking questions. Sometimes life seems so unfair and if we can't ask God "why" then who can we ask. If you are hurting, he wants nothing more than to comfort you in your time of sorrow and sadness.

It is perfectly normal to be mad, sad, upset and a whole array of different emotions. You go from the high of being excited to be a mom, to the devestating blow that you have lost the life that was inside of you. It's okay to be sad and angry. In fact, I would wonder what was wrong with someone who felt NONE of these emotions. I know that it is especially hard to see other women with children, hear that someone got a BFP...those feelings are rightfully yours to feel. It's hard to watch so many people getting what you so desperately want. I think we all have felt that way from time to time.

Please know that while we may not all have the answer, that we are hear for you to talk to, vent to and be a shoulder to cry on while you are sad. I do hope that your doctor will be able to give you some answers that will give you some closure as to why you are having difficulty carrying a baby. Also know that we all care about you and want nothing more than to hear that you are feeling better and want you to have that precious baby that you so dearly want. You are in many of our prayers...and I hope that you find peace and comfort very soon!

Take care of yourself!
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  #3  
May 20th, 2005, 11:00 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 112
Hey there Tabatha, please hang in there, I know what you are going through. I too have so many people around me who is either pregnant and is due the same time I was or had babies. All my friends have babies and not me. I am so mad that I don't and I wonder all the time what did I do in this world for this to be happening to me. I am a good person, I help everyone out, I don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't drink, and you have all these people who do all of those things and have so many healthy babies. It is okay to vent sometimes and cry sometimes, I do and I am sure there are many others out there who do also, this board is very helpful because there are so many women going through what you are. Right now I am undergoing all kinds of tests, because I too had 2 miscarriages. Are you going through any kinds of tests? I am so scarred they are going to find something that is not fixable and it is killing me. I too have no idea what is going on with me, why is this happening? I am currently seeing a specialist and I think you should too. Nobody understands what we are going through if they didn't experience what happened to us, not even our husbands, yeah it hurts them, but for us it was like torture for us. be stong and hang in there. if you ever need to talk please don't hesitate. Take care and I will pray for you.
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  #4  
May 21st, 2005, 06:44 AM
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Boston,Ma.
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Your not an awful person.I just posted something very similar a few days ago.We all feel just like you.Why me?I just recently got over my 1st MC,ya know how.When i got my 2nd + hpt.Now this happens.I never got over the 1st one and now i need to get over a 2nd one.Everyone is now moving on from this and i of course am not.Mt bf is supportive but has the attitude move on we will try again.Im pretending to be fine like everyone else and im not.As soon as im alone i break down.Even reading on these boards when i see someone who has a bfp i dont even read it.I feel so selfish and horrible but i just cant help it.I go back to work monday and i have to watch other peoples kids.I dont even wanna do it anymore.Ive been doing daycare for 13 years and i want nothing to do with any of those kids.I know someday we will all have babies and we will look back and say wow this is what god was waiting for.But for the time being it really hurts.I also have to help raise my BF little girl whos mom walked out when she was 1.So thats not easy for me either.How dare i have to raise another womens child who didnt deserve to have a baby in the 1st place.We should all chat one night.We all have the same feelings and it would feel really good to talk to people who truely understand.Our time will come.I just dont know what god is waiting for.this feels very unfair
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  #5  
May 21st, 2005, 11:55 AM
steph1989's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 924
I am so sorry you are feeling so down....(((((hugs)))))......we are all here for you. I know how it feels to ache to have my baby in my arms.

Don't ever feel bad for asking "why me?" We all do.......

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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