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Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing


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May 9th, 2010, 02:48 PM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Kelowna, B.C
Posts: 4,101
Sooo. I was just wondering as to which other ladies are WANTING to TTC, but their DH doesn't want to.
I realllly want another one lol. I've never wanted a big age difference between my kids, and my daughter is now 15 months, so I think we should have gotten pregnant like 2 or 3 months ago haha. But my DH wants to wait until we're a little more on our feet financially, which I understand, but I also am a firm believer in if you wait to have enough money to have a kid, you won't have one. We NTNP but I want to actively start TTC, and I've hinted at it but I don't think he's ready to yet.
Anyone else in this boat?
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May 9th, 2010, 03:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,788
Both my dh and I want to TTC, but we are waiting a couple months so I will hopefully be due in the spring or summer. Of course we don't care that much, so we aren't being too careful about not getting pg. For a time I wanted a baby more than dh, but he came around. He saw how badly I wanted one and he changed his mind about it.
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May 9th, 2010, 06:58 PM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
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Location: Kelowna, B.C
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I think my DH would change his mind if we didn't already have one haha. I understand his wanting to wait, and I suppose I should wait until I've been at my job for a bit haha, but I still like the idea of having one now
Awe Good luck with TTC in a couple of months!! A spring/summer baby would be funnnn
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May 9th, 2010, 08:42 PM
sblades19's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 2,930
I'm kinda in the same boat...we wanted to wttc til july but I got off the pill about a month ago and we haven't been very careful. We have a six year old boy and a daughter who just turned three a week ago...we have been talking about ttc #3 since she was born. Had I had my way I woulda got pg right away but got an iud instead! Then I wanted dd and #3 the same age differnce and we decided wed ttc last fall...changed our minds completely. Now here we r and I'm not wanting the age gapp to keep getting bigger. Dh will be getting two big pay riases over the next two years and I also work so we should be good but still will make some changes here and there! Sooo I understand. I like three years apart. Now were looking at 4. :/

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May 10th, 2010, 03:39 AM
butterflies.in.a.jar's Avatar <3Three is company too<3
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I was in the same boat. I was dying to TTC, but DBF wanted to wait until we had more money. I agree with you, I think that if everybody waited until they "had enough money" or until the timing was "ideal", nobody would have kids!!!

Sadie (30) breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping mama to
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May 10th, 2010, 12:35 PM
sarahmomma's Avatar Momma to 4
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,201
That is what happened with my third. My oldest two are 18 months apart and then we suffered a couple losses trying for our third and gave up for a while. 3 years was always my max and when number 2 turned three I was really pushing my hubby for another baby and he wasn't sure. I finally convinced him and number 3 arrived 2 months before number 2's 4th b-day which to me is a huge age difference but atleast I got my third...now I am working on getting my fourth and final baby and he is again unsure of what he wants.
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May 11th, 2010, 06:40 AM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
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Location: Kelowna, B.C
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Haha. We're not sure how many kids we want. According to him, we're just gonna keep popping them out til we have a boy, but he doesn't carry the kid or push them out haha.
Though I'm starting to think of a different reason as to why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. When we conceived our first, we were happy and new in our relationship. Now, we're stressed and lately normlly frustrated with each other. Ugh.
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May 11th, 2010, 10:06 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 12
Hi, I'm not in your situation now, but I wanted to say that I think it's very common for men to worry about finances when talking about having kids/more kids. I think it's natural for them. And if you're NTNP, then it could definitely happen even before he "comes around". I would think if he was completely against the idea he wouldn't have agree to NTNP, ya know? My husband wanted me to get my tubes tied when I was pregnant with our daughter, and financially providing for more was his main concern. But, as soon as our daughter was born, he was soo glad I didn't and now he def wants another. So, I'd say give it some time and see what happens. We all go thru stressful times and I think that can def affect your chances...so maybe just try to work on getting along better...after all, the happier you are, the more you'll probably bd .
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May 11th, 2010, 05:34 PM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 8
We aren't trying, but we aren't preventing which tells me somewhere in the back of his head he probably wouldn't mind a third...

It's just a roller coaster every so often going, uh oh, am I late? I need to buy stock in hpt's!

And if finances weren't a question, I'd have 10 kids!
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May 11th, 2010, 09:51 PM
~Oh Baby!!~
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My Husband has said the same thing, " we cant afford it" Techicnally we will be fine, but more money wouldnt hurt anyone right?!!? Funny, how they care about the money part , because everything else ( labor,birth, 2am feedings, diaper changes and all the other worries) are taken care of by US!! So I suppose they need something to talk about! LOL Good luck! I am sure pretty soon we will all have BFP'S!!!!
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May 11th, 2010, 11:02 PM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Jersey Girl trapped in the midwest
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i def want to ttc but my husband wants to wait because we just moved and are getting settled, and he thinks we can't afford it...we weren't "ready" when i got pregnant with my dd either so i know if it happens gain we'll be ok.

the finance excuse is stupid to me because i cloth diaper and breastfeed, i already have a stash of cd's so that takes care of a big chunk of money that people normally spend newborns.
Jacqueline, mommy to Sarah Leveda (12/27/07)and Vincent Bradley (1/23/11)

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May 14th, 2010, 09:04 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4
I agree..the finance excuse isn't good enough for me haha! We already have the big items that we needed with our son, like the crib, changing table, swings, strollers, etc. I would plan on breastfeeding the new baby so that cuts down on formula. My husband also wants to wait on a "financially better time" but if we wait until we're out of debt, we'll be 40!!!!
I know that if we did get pregnant he would be happy though because like alot of you, we aren't TRYING to get pregnant, but we're not really doing much to prevent it!
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May 14th, 2010, 11:59 AM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
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Location: Kelowna, B.C
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I'm tired of the finance excuse! Once our daughter starts walking, I'm going to work on potty training, and there goes the cost of diapers for her. So it's not like we'd have two babies with diapers! Plusss, we have ALL her toys, stroller, car seat, etc. We got a lot of pink stuff, but my mother already told us if we had a boy she'd pay for the second stroller and car seat!! Plus I breastfeed as well, so no money on formula. Ugh.
He infuriates me because he just bought a truck but he's worried about finances!? ***!!

I hate men some days.
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June 4th, 2010, 07:57 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7
Hey all,

I'm in the same boat as you all. My husband is a financial advisor so he is VERY concerned for the finances though we have a good chunk of cash saved up, we still have very high debt as well, such as over 100 grand in school loans (and more on the way because I am just finishing grad school) so he's very worried about that. We've been married for three years when we got married he asked for me to give him two years. Well its been three and he's still not ready. I'm trying very hard not to push him but I am getting so baby crazy its all I can think about. He said he's willing to start trying next March but that seems so far away. Also I've been going through some issues with my uterus where its not shedding the entire lining during my period and they also recently found a polyp. I'm so worried about what this means for my fertility that I've asked hubby to start trying asap. He has been very firm about his March deadline, even through all of the fertility stuff. He said the only way we will start trying earlier than that is if the doc tells us we have to. I'm so so ready to be a mommy. I've always wanted to be a young mother so that I can have the energy to do things with my children but now I'm pushing 30 and still no sign of children in my future. It makes me very sad sometimes. So with all that sad I completely understand where you all are coming from. Its very frustratin.
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June 5th, 2010, 01:54 AM
Livingisagift's Avatar Regular
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 69
My husband is the same way with being concerned about the finances. He wants to be sure that he's a good provider for us. He's not against NTNP because it takes the decision off of his shoulders. I think he feels better being surprised because he feels more like it was meant to be instead of having to plan in advance if we're officially trying.
DD-11, DD-5

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June 5th, 2010, 08:57 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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i was in this situation a few months ago, but after talking about it, and seeing that we are actually in a better financial situation now, and have insurance that covers maternity...than when we had our first LO last year. now my DH is just as ready, if not more so than i am to actively TTC.
Elizabeth, mommy to Judge and Zavier, and crossing fingers for an Ellen Paige this December!

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June 6th, 2010, 02:26 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
Originally Posted by Tasha.B View Post
, but I also am a firm believer in if you wait to have enough money to have a kid, you won't have one.
OMG yes!! I highly believe that too!! You know what though, it always works itself out in the end.
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June 6th, 2010, 08:38 PM
stars3liberty's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 466
I was in your situation and we were NTNP...and we did A LOT of it..LOL...and I am now 5 wks. I was more for wanting another than he was but it goes both ways. If he knows you aren't on any bc but continues to NTNP....then he can't be surprised when you get that BFP, right??? just keep doing what you're doin girl and you will get that BFP! GL!

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