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toddler seems immune to discipline! aarrgh!!

Forum: Moms of Toddlers


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December 30th, 2012, 04:30 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 126
My lo is a very sweet, very good little guy. Though he doesn't seem to care when he does wrong and gets disciplined. We'll put him in a time-out, we'll threaten to take his toys away (he'll look right at us, and bring over the toy in question, or put it away), we'll ignore him, physically restrain him (gently but firmly) and he'll take the punishment without seeming to learn the lesson. It's extremely frustrating, because we feel like a broken record: "Ben, stop that. Ben, that's enough. Hey! Knock it off! All right... time out" and as soon as he's released, it's like it never happened. He goes right back to it.

Is this something that all toddlers do? Is this a "phase" that he'll outgrow?
Meanwhile, Mom's sitting there, going "calm blue ocean... calm blue ocean... calm blue ocean..."
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December 31st, 2012, 10:49 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 49
I hear ya. We are in the same boat. Nothing seems to get through to our lo. He'll be 3 on Jan 28th.

I am wondering if we can chalk it up to being a toddler or his developmental issues.
Hes having a developmental assessment this Friday.

All I can say is I understand you completely.

Im from Toronto too. fyi. Been looking for other moms I can relate to. Feel free to msg me anytime.
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January 10th, 2013, 09:02 AM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 14
This may sound weird, but have you watched any Super Nanny? She deals with this sort of stuff fairly frequently and you may get some excellent tips for better ways to discipline your toddler from her.
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January 17th, 2013, 05:11 AM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 39,401
It could be a phase but you have to act on those threats.

Also I have found if I tell mine not to do something I only tell them once and I tell them if I have to start counting to 10 when they do it again this is what happens and you choose a discipline

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January 17th, 2013, 11:51 AM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 126
Thanks for the responses! I love SuperNanny, and have learned a lot about parenting from that series. I will definitely put some of her advice to good use! My main concern with regards to my little guy not listening, is that unfortunately, a lot of the time, our geriatric dog bears the brunt of it. He pushes toys into her (he finds it very funny to see her trip over his toys), runs cars over her, sometimes hits her with toys or throws them at her, etc... You can bet he gets a good time-out when that happens... And our poor dog has joint issues, and can't always get out of his way fast enough. So we don't want him to "resent" the dog, but we also don't want him to treat her like a 50 lb. living doormat. She's one of the most patient dogs I've ever known, but she's snapped at him a few times (never made contact), and other than seeming stunned for a second or two ("holy cow, what just happened??"), he just doesn't seem to care.
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January 20th, 2013, 12:20 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 128
My DD is months and already listening to what I say. I believe starting young is the best way, my nephews are 2mo and 4yo and totally a big headache.

Luckily eventhough my DD is slowly being influenced by my nephew I was able to recove her by looking into her and responding to her needs, how I discipline her.?
1. Whenever I said something, I will mean it whether be it a reward or punishment from small things to big things. This is the most important.//if you can't stick to what you said why would kids listen if he/she knew you won't do it, right? When you say No, you must mean NO.
2. When she have done something, I talk to her eye to eye. I won't keep talking if I know she is not listening/looking or playing with something to avoid the conversation..when she is not in herself(usually after being fetch from the site she had done wrong she is still not concious),. I will talk to her and make her look at me while I'm telling her what she have done. I will explain to her why I am not happy with it. Most often times, you will see it in their eyes if they understand,. and if I think she didn't get it,. I will talk slowly,.for example yesterday she went out of the house and when I followed her she was playing with sand. She had thrown it into her right side so her face, hair, back, pants, and shoes has sands. And her pants and shoes had been wet because she had wee,. I told her about it showing her hands, pants and shoes that it is dirty and all mess up including her face that has sand stick in her right face. And then when we are finish I brought her to the mirror and you can see in her face that she was amaze, I think she uderstand what I mean,. then I told her "see, your face is dirty touching her face" then I will said "kiss mommy,. I would not force her on this time... hmmm mommy didn't get a kiss",..then she had kissed me.
3. HUg/Kiss is very important after every discipline.
4. I have read about time out, and I use it to DD and it was effective. During time-out it is the time I let her think of what she have done for a few minutes it is better than betting my baby.

so today,. she didn't get out f the house. She even made an effort to remove her shoes before she pee..lol but her bladder control is still not good and wet her pants but she still got a very good from me. She didn't pee in her new shoes anyway..lol
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January 28th, 2013, 11:50 AM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
thanks proudmom for sharing ur story. tell me another thing, how to talk to the kid if he z doing wrong whether get loud and angry or be calm. my kid starts cryng if i get harsh to him and he dont consider why i am harsh or what he was doing. he dont allow me to punish him. he z very sensitive actually. i dont know how to make him disciplined
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Last edited by jenny2; February 2nd, 2013 at 12:22 PM.
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February 10th, 2013, 12:28 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 128
lol,. My DD is sensitive too,. and thats a good thing because they don't want us to be angry. When DD done something wrong, I talk to her calm, not shouting just normal talking but my tone is serious.Shouting will just make our kid immune to us being angry. I explained in a way that will make her somehow understand why I had been angry,. showing her the result of what she had done might help. For example if she had spilled water inside the house, you might show her the water and show her that your drying it up and telling her that she might slip in that wet floor.
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February 22nd, 2013, 12:31 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 36
My daughter seems to think it's funny when she gets disciplined. But what I found was to repeatedly make her sit down in a corner after the violation for about 1 min worked best. It takes a lot of patience because you have to do it as many times as they do it. Once or twice doesn't work. You have to be just as repetitive as they are. Consistency!
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March 2nd, 2013, 01:23 AM
Weight Loss Expert
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 205
You just have to be patient and take things slowly. Little kids can't really comprehend right away what you are trying to imply.
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May 21st, 2013, 01:38 AM
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 18
There is such a thing as a one-command discipline that some parent groups follow, no warnings like "If you do this again I'll [punishment]"... but in order for this to truly work, you'll have to follow through on the punishment and be consistent every time, this is very important. They have to know that you are the one in authority, not the other way around.

If you're not consistent your child will capitalize on this and pull your strings... they are smart.
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May 25th, 2013, 11:53 AM
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Thank you proudmom26 for sharing your rules. It seems a big issue to discipline our kids. I normally follow the rules but my husband does not.
I want to know more about time out. Can anyone explain it for me here.
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June 2nd, 2013, 04:01 PM
strong mama <3
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 111
I also am a big fan of time outs for my son... I do give them one warning after they do something bad- telling him if he does it again then its time out. If the situation is repeated they go sit in time out for as long as they are old (ex my 4 year old has to sit for 4 minutes my 2 year old sits for 2) sometime I learned from super nanny! Once time out is starting I make it clear why they are in trouble- then before leaving time out they have to say sorry and repeat whatever it is they shouldn't be doing (I'm sorry I threw the toy at my brother, that was bad) etc. time out has to be not fun- definitely no tv around, no distractions just them in a quiet area of a room, no toys just them and their thoughts.
Its harder to do this in public, and it doesn't really work to put them in time out for something they did an hour ago. If they are misbehaving out in public. I agree with the other post that said if you yell and scream they are just going to tune you out and will not take you being angry seriously. You don't have to be louder to show you are upset, just with a serious tone and make sure they are looking you right in the eye. I often have my older son repeat back to me something I want him to know is important.
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