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She invited a friend over!!

Forum: Children with Developmental Delays and Disorders


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April 14th, 2008, 11:00 AM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: North
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It may not sound like much but dd has NO friends and has had very few for her entire life. She's had plenty of kids being kind to her and willing to be friends with her but as she didn't treat them well when they would visit, they quit coming. We kept up with one mom who has adopted children who have issues that are not the same but similar to dd's. Her one dd was a real sweetheart (at least thats the part "we" saw...mom told me she was quite a handful when the mood struck). She had very serious heart defect and learning disabilities. She and dd got along quite well for the most part...played well together and fought like cats and dogs . Dd went for overnights at A's house, went to a weekly church group with the family, and A was over here on and off. She was the closest dd ever had to a best friend. Sadly, A passed away last fall Dd, has trouble with empathy acknowledged that it was sad and that she felt bad for A's mom and that was it...she didn't shed a tear...not even at the memorial service while I bawled like a baby. Anyhow, she eats lunch with A's sister who is a couple years behind her. She also has some developmental delays and kind of keeps to herself. I've been encouraging dd to invite M over and she finally did. I talked to mom and she was thrilled so we agreed to keep it short (2 hrs). I was very nervous as in the past all dd's visits have always ended in dd getting VERY angry. Her problem is that she wants to keep her company all to herself so she'll try to take them to her room and then they feel trapped so I have to intervene. Dd doesn't want her company interacting with the rest of the family because she sees them as "her" company. In addition to making them feel a little trapped, she never used to really play with them but wanted them to watch her play...that way, she was in charge and everything about the visit was "predictable". If they refused to go to her room, she would yell at them and tell them she hated them and that she wanted them to go home. As A had similar issues, they were very forgiving to each other in the sense that they got over the problem very quickly and what was past, was past. She eventually got to the point where she wouldn't invite anyone over. Then once she hit 12 and was in the middle of puberty, she hit a huge emotional downslide and was in and out of the hospital for a while. Anyway...back to the present. She invited M over. M's mom and I were very happy. I set down some guidelines beforehand and held my breath . The girls played games at the kitchen table while I was baking cookies. Dd even asked her sister if she wanted to play with them . So, the visit went very well and it was just long enough because dd was just starting to get a tiny bit agitated with her sister when it was time to take M home. Now, she may not invite M back over for while but we at least have a positive new starting point. Its progress!!
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)

"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
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April 14th, 2008, 02:14 PM
MrsStuartD's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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I really think that's great progress. I'm so sorry that she lost her friend That is so sad. But this is a great way to start a new friendship! Keep us updated!

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April 14th, 2008, 05:28 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's AWESOME!!!

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April 14th, 2008, 06:32 PM
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That is great!
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April 15th, 2008, 12:04 AM
picklesmama's Avatar <;,><
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Sweet! I hope it continues to go well
Sorry about the little girl who passed away though
I have a question - does she seem to mind not having many friends? Or is she pretty content to do her own thing?

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April 15th, 2008, 05:45 AM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: North
Posts: 7,824
Thanks guys

A lot of times she seems perfectly fine to be on her own. She tells me often ""I'm going to go isolate myself in my room now"" But she does have times where she tells me she's lonely and that she doesn't have any friends

The social rules for having friends over have always been very overwhelming for her...even with short visits. However, my two younger ones are having friends over more and more all the time and I am wondering if its kind of a therapy model for Abby, even though they are younger. It took me a few days to get her used to the idea of inviting M over but once we had the plan in place with M's mom, she was quite excited. I was happy that it all went so well.
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)

"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
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April 27th, 2008, 06:56 AM
outnumbered's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is wonderful news! Hunter has had a few kids come over here, but he hasn't gone to anyone else's house.

He's calling one boy his best friend and I'm loving that!
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I am a breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, no crying it out, baby wearing mama of 3 boys, one of which has autism. Meet my boys here (having technical difficulties with my website). My blogs are On Top of Mt. Laundry and The Cache Checkers.

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