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Forum: Children with Developmental Delays and Disorders


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January 21st, 2008, 11:31 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,966
Sometimes and Jay and Jonathan get along great and sometimes Jay is nasty to Jonathan. He will pull his hair, push him and scratch. When I go to correct him and tell him he needs to be gentle he smiles like its funny. I think that he does not understand peoples feelings. Because sometimes he will try to sit on Jonathan or hug him and Jonathan has enough and gets pissed and Jay does not stop. Is that something goes with Asberghers or Sensory disorder?
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January 21st, 2008, 01:01 PM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: North
Posts: 7,824
I think that with high functioning autism and asperger's syndrome there are varying degree's of lack of empathy issues. My dd is dx'd with asperger's syndrome due to her missing certain parts of her brain. She has a definite lack of empathy but has never been physically aggressive with anyone else in the family but me. When she is aggressive, she's never really sorry and usually won't apologize because it doesn't mean anything to her. She doesn't know how to put herself in someone elses position so I've found that using phrases like "how would you feel if...." or "how would you like it if....?" doesn't help us accomplish much with her because its like I'm speaking a different language. With your ds, he may have a lack of empathy or it could just be that the empathy hasn't come in yet. Does he react when you pretend to cry? Most little ones don't like it and will act a little concerned if someone else in the house is crying. My other three all acted concerned but my oldest did not. For example, a good friend of hers passed away last fall and she wasn't even upset by it. She knew that it was a sad thing and was at least able to say the right things "Thats sad." "I feel bad for her mom" but she didn't feel what she was saying and at the remembrance ceremony, she just sat there staring at me like "I' was wierd while I bawled my eyes out. She later told me that she thought the whole thing was boring. I wasn't angry with her because she doesn't get it...she doesn't get it because part of her brain is gone and the wiring is messed up...but it made me sad because it means she can't truly make real connections with people

Hopefull Jay will get this over time and that he's just a bit young right now to truly understand. My 8 yr. old seemed to get this later on but when she was around 2 or 3, she didn't have much at all towards her younger brother. Even though she's quite an antogonist with her siblings, she doesn't like them to have hurt feelings. On the flip side, my boys seemed to get this earlier...my 2 1/2 yr. old always hugs someone if he thinks they are upset. It comes in at different times for different kids. Jay may do well with a lot of repitition training so that he knows that every time he hurts his brother, he has to hug him and apologize....or at least hug if he can't verbalize the apology. Of course the hug should come "after" he's calm. Good luck and hopefully it ends up just being closer sibling rivalry than a lack of empathy.
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)

"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
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January 21st, 2008, 05:59 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,966
Tammy Thank you.. Usually if I pretend to cry he laughs. There were a few times when I was upset he would give me a hug.
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