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I thought I was going to strangle dh today

Forum: Children with Developmental Delays and Disorders


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March 28th, 2008, 07:51 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,966
All I have to say is that he is still in denial big time! I have been patient with his comments because I know he is in denial but I can only take so much. There is always a argument about food. He does not think Jay eats well enough. Jay used to be more of a varitey but his diet is more restricted now but it could be alot worse. Jay will eat egg's, waffles,oatmeal, some dry cereal, toast, PB sandwiches, fries, pizza, apple sauce, pudding, yogurt and bananas and pretzels. I am not sure if dh thinks I am supposed to shove food down his throat. Well that is not going to happen! He thinks somehow I made him this way. I tell him part of it has to do with the autism and he thinks its a excuse. I told him its a texture and sensory thing. Then he keeps saying Jay does not have autism he is my son. I told him you do not know anything about autism really. I said do you read the books or look up on info online. He even told me I was going to far. I said what am I supposed on my ##### and not do anything. I am not supposed to fight and search for anything that could help Jay? I was so pissed!! He keeps telling me to treat him like a "normal" child. I talk to Jay normal but try to use signs to. He kept saying my son is not retarded. ughhh I hate that word. I said Jay will be fine in time and he just needs to be taught differntly. He does not want to think his son being special needs. Do I want to?? NO but denial is not going to help Jay. It just gets so frustrating. We are in diffrent parts of are grieving process. Hopefully he gets out of denial soon!
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March 28th, 2008, 08:14 PM
picklesmama's Avatar <;,><
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 22,604
I'm sorry :hugs:

Crissy mama to Jack 7.16.01 ~ Mia Bella 10.29.02
Angus Pickle 2.24.04 ~ Sydney Bean 10.26.06 & Kater Tot 2.15.09

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March 29th, 2008, 02:18 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Central California
Posts: 16,959
Oh my, I'm so sorry that you're having to fight your dh on this. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Stay strong, do what's best for your boy, and hopefully dh will come around soon. I'm so sorry. (((HUGS)))

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March 29th, 2008, 02:23 PM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: North
Posts: 7,824
I'm sorry
I think you are doing a wonderful job with Jay and I'm sorry your dh isn't recognizing that right now.
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)

"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
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March 29th, 2008, 03:35 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,966
Thanks ladies. I am glad I have somewhere to vent.
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March 29th, 2008, 10:10 PM
Tofu Bacon
Posts: n/a
I'm sorry Its hard for dads in a different way than it is for moms; we want to make the problem all better, they want to make it disapear, y/k? There is a great little dvd specifically for dads that I got at the library; its short (maybe 1/2 an hour):

Asperger Syndrome for Dad: Becoming an Even Better Father To Your Child With Asperger Syndrome (Coulter video, 2004)

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April 1st, 2008, 12:11 PM
fiefer87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Near Buffalo, NY
Posts: 4,336
If you want to give your dh something to think about in regards to the food. My dd will be 6 this month. She does not chew and she will not keep textured foods in her mouth. She was on baby food until she was 5 because she had such an extreme oral defensiveness. Any type of texture and she would gag and vomit. Mealtimes were absolutely horrendous in my house, screaming, yelling, knocking over bowls, spilling food, throwing food, slapping, hitting, and of course gagging and vomiting. We finally had to see a specialist out of state who put her on a texture fading program and in the course of 4 months, we were able to get her off of baby food and on to ground to finely chopped food. At 6, she still does not know how to chew (this may be partly related to her VI, but may not be). We literally have to teach her how to bite through her food. We just had a follow-up appt with her feeding doc and found out that will have to spend a month in Hershey so she can go to their intensive day treatment program so she can learn how to properly eat. NOt fun, but has to be done. So you are right, the feeding isn't as bad as dh thinks it is.

All that said, (((HUGS))) to you. I definately know how hard this can be when you and dh aren't on the same page. Even after 6 years (6 years with the VI and autistic tendencies and a year of autism diagnosis) hubby and I aren't always on the same page. We walk a very fine line between treating her as normally as possible and understanding that some things have to be different for her. Eventually, you will get closer to the same page and things will get better.
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April 1st, 2008, 11:05 PM
pautumnsun's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 1,226
I am so sorry that your having such a tough time with dh. I do believe that Aidan is on the spectrum and I fight with a good friend of mine who thinks Aidan does not struggle. I find it frustrating because she is not with him 24/7. My son also doesnt eat many foods. I hope in time dh will be on the same page because having support from your partner makes a big difference. Keep up the good work. Your love for your son shows.
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