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Being less tolerant of 1? UGH

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January 31st, 2011, 07:19 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 74
Ok, I hate that I feel this way, HATE it and don't understand it.

I have 3 beautiful, healthy, fantastic kids. The two oldest are boys, the last a girl. For whatever reason, my 2nd child can make me crazy much before the other two. I seem to be less tolerant of him for some reason and I don't understand it. He's absolutely adorable, probably the cutest of the 3. They can all be sweet, of course, but he's the sweetest, most sensitive, most helpful and generous. Loves to please, to make me happy, cuddle, etc. There's simply no reason for me to feel this way towards him. I'm crying as I'm typing because I feel like the worst mom on the planet that I can feel this way.

The ONLY thing I can think of is that his birth was a bit traumatic for me. I was home alone w/my oldest (19 mos at the time) and my husband was out of town. My water broke at 130 in the a.m., an ambulance had to come and get me because I almost had him at home. He was born at 3:20. My previous delivery ended up being a c-section after 2 hours of pushing, and was told my uterus was 'thin' so I was worried about the VBAC going into it. I tore quite severely, ended up having to stay in the hospital for 4 days and also needed a blood transfusion, though we never figured out exactly why.

Logically, I think it's ridiculous that that could be the issue, but I can't think of any other reason why this sweet child makes me so crazy.

Please don't rip me apart on this, I know it's awful anyway. I'm just hoping someone else may have a similar experience or maybe just getting it off my chest will help me get over it.

Thanks for listening.

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January 31st, 2011, 10:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada <3
Posts: 1,370
sent you an email.
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March 20th, 2014, 09:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,288
I know that this is old, but did you ever think that maybe think that maybe you were subconsciously overcompensating? I know my second child had horrible reflux and was a very tough baby. It forged an extemely strong bond. I have 4, and I feel a little guilt over that. But every bond is different. I also hemoraiged after his birth and was in the icu for 4 days when he was 8 days old. It was crazy. I think mommies berate themselves over things that nobody else ever notices! Maybe he just has different parenting needs, maybe he's in a difficult age range. I used to cry day when wyatt was 3 because I felt like I was always getting onto him! He is 6 1/2 now, and we are so so close. He wants to live in my back yard when he grows up. Haha some of the strongest bonds are foeged in the fires of hell. I believe that. Try not to beat yourself up. The fact that you feel guilt tells me that this isnt as big of a problem as you think it is. You don't have to have the same bond with each child! You have to llvw them all with all your heart. I think you are doing that. Parent them each in the way that each individual child needs. If you are hurting, go hug him and tell him you love him. It will be fine.

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