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  #1  
August 6th, 2007, 04:00 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 22
I feel like I have so many questions and so much to say today. My husband and I discussed how we were going to raise our child, religion, when she would be able to date, but we failed to discuss the simple things. Being a new mom, I spend all day holding, kissing, and loving on my daughter, but too my husband he thinks I am spoiling her because she likes being held and she cries when you put her down. My view is that she deserves to held as much as she wants because I don't like for her to cry (I think I cry more than she does when she cries)! I am exclusively breastfeeding my daughter so for those multiple night feedings, I like having her in bed with me. Honestly it saves me from standing over her crib at night with my finger under her nose to see if she is breathing and a flashlight to see if her chest is moving every 5 mins, pretending that I am thirsty. My husband on the other hand thinks that she needs to sleep in her crib because he thinks she will be in our bed until she is 40. She doesn't like her crib and once again she will cry when she figures our she is in it. I either nurse her to sleep or rock her until she goes, but my husband thinks that she should learn to fall asleep on her own (I agree, but she shouldn't have to cry for 30mins to do so). My husband thinks we should give her a pacifier, but I have become a human pacifier and I don't mind. My husband thinks that with everything that I am doing with my daughter that she is not going to want to stay with anyone else (I don't want her to stay with anyone other than me by the way) and that I am not going to be able to get anything done because I have to hold her all day (I don't mind).

He now feels like he has no say in how we are raising our daughter and gets frustrated. I feel like he is being to old-fashioned and too hard on how we raise her. Sometimes I think that he is jealous because he doesn't get to spend all day with her like I do and with me breastfeeding I think he feels left out, but I include him in everything with her. He made a comment yesterday that was so cute about how "we were in a club, that he wasn't invited too." I do attempt to compromise when he is at home. Like right before he walks in the door at night, I put the baby in her crib knowing that when she cries he is going to go and get her because he hasn't seen her all day (bad bad bad, I know), but seriously what do I do? He told me today that I could do whatever I wanted with her right now, but when it is time for her to have a social life, with boys included that I couldn't say anything, which means she will become a nun at age 5. Is he right on some of these things? How can we be more flexible and accomadate both of our parenting styles?
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  #2  
August 6th, 2007, 05:53 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 8,889
Wow, its funny cuz it seems like my dh has the exact same views as your dh! Mike is really easy going and let me do my thing with him because he knows that he is my full time job and I am the one who takes care of him. I know our pediatrician told me that it is not ok to let him cry too much. If you want to have your dh talk to your pediatrician about what should be done, maybe that would help. And I'll tell you something else, I was the same exact way as you with holding him all the time and letting him sleep in bed with me. You would think he would never be broken of it right? Nope. He let me know when he was ready to spend the night by himself. And he also started not needing/wanting to be held 24 hours a day. He is only less than 4 months old and he sleeps most of the night by himself now. I still put him in bed with me for the last few hours after he wakes for his feeding. But he sleeps alone from about 8pm til about 4-5am. I think if you accomodate them right away by holding them and things like that, then they are more likely to be self sufficient later because they never had to want for the attention and affection. They don't have to worry that they won't get it because they never had to in the first place. I hope your dh will be more willing to compromise.
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  #3  
August 21st, 2007, 06:17 AM
japartaka's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 64
Quote:
I feel like I have so many questions and so much to say today. My husband and I discussed how we were going to raise our child, religion, when she would be able to date, but we failed to discuss the simple things. Being a new mom, I spend all day holding, kissing, and loving on my daughter, but too my husband he thinks I am spoiling her because she likes being held and she cries when you put her down. My view is that she deserves to held as much as she wants because I don't like for her to cry (I think I cry more than she does when she cries)! I am exclusively breastfeeding my daughter so for those multiple night feedings, I like having her in bed with me. Honestly it saves me from standing over her crib at night with my finger under her nose to see if she is breathing and a flashlight to see if her chest is moving every 5 mins, pretending that I am thirsty. My husband on the other hand thinks that she needs to sleep in her crib because he thinks she will be in our bed until she is 40. She doesn't like her crib and once again she will cry when she figures our she is in it. I either nurse her to sleep or rock her until she goes, but my husband thinks that she should learn to fall asleep on her own (I agree, but she shouldn't have to cry for 30mins to do so). My husband thinks we should give her a pacifier, but I have become a human pacifier and I don't mind. My husband thinks that with everything that I am doing with my daughter that she is not going to want to stay with anyone else (I don't want her to stay with anyone other than me by the way) and that I am not going to be able to get anything done because I have to hold her all day (I don't mind).

He now feels like he has no say in how we are raising our daughter and gets frustrated. I feel like he is being to old-fashioned and too hard on how we raise her. Sometimes I think that he is jealous because he doesn't get to spend all day with her like I do and with me breastfeeding I think he feels left out, but I include him in everything with her. He made a comment yesterday that was so cute about how "we were in a club, that he wasn't invited too." I do attempt to compromise when he is at home. Like right before he walks in the door at night, I put the baby in her crib knowing that when she cries he is going to go and get her because he hasn't seen her all day (bad bad bad, I know), but seriously what do I do? He told me today that I could do whatever I wanted with her right now, but when it is time for her to have a social life, with boys included that I couldn't say anything, which means she will become a nun at age 5. Is he right on some of these things? How can we be more flexible and accomadate both of our parenting styles?[/b]
I really don't have any advise for you but how how old is your DD? You can not spoil a child by holding them when they are infants. Of course she cries when you put her down. She has spent the last 40 weeks safe inside of you. This is a new environment for her and her surroundings are scary for her. As far as the pacifier thing, neither of my 2 boys took pacifiers so I don't know what to say. The best thing I can say to do is go see your DD's ped and talk to him/her about you and your husbans concerns. I have a feeling he/she will agree that you can't spoil an infant by holding them.

Good luck!

Jen
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<div align="center">Lenny III - May 18, 2004 *** Frankie Andrew - July 5, 2005</div>
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