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What are your deepest emotional feelings on TTCAL?

Pregnancy Loss & TTCAL Info Spot

Information on pregnancy loss, grief, coping, ttcal & more.

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May 16th, 2010, 09:55 PM
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 86
My fear just like all of you ladies is it going to happen again.. will i ever be able to enjoy being pregnant.. will there ever be a safe month or week where i can relax and just enjoy? I've had 4 pregnancies in the last 4 years one resulted in a beautiful lil girl in 2007 and the last 3 have all been m/c. most recent one as of 6/10/2010 @ 8 wks. That had to be the hardest for me and my DF. because he was so afraid of another loss and i just knew this one was going to be different. it wasnt like the other 2 before. The test were very positive kept getting darker I even felt comfortable enough to tell people and 2 weeks later the bleeding started and my heart dropped down to my ankles. I felt like a failure, I felt like i failed my DF and my child because i was unable to keep him/her safe. I never want that feeling again and everytime i even think about getting pregnant thats the 2nd thing that enters my mind right behind it. To know that there is nothing you can do to stop it, is what makes it so hard for me. theres no medicine, theres no answers.. "it just happens". I want another baby so bad, its all i think about and it seems like im surrounded by pregnant women. And I guess its mostly just not wanting to go threw that a 4th time or to put my DF through it either. He wont say much but i seen it in his face everytime we've lost one, as soon as i say im pregnant a happy face and then the serious face.. will it end like that last one. You just never know.
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May 24th, 2010, 09:45 AM
mmllhh's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,637
I fear that I missed my window. I spent my twenties and 1/2 my 30's doing the single and living in the city life. I worry that my life choices will now prevent me from having children.

Forever Missing Our Ten Angels
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May 28th, 2010, 06:29 PM
angel3y35's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,810
If afraid I'm going to be like my mom. She had so many losses after me and they never found out why. I don't exactly how many because I was younger but at least 5.

Thanks to :shortcake: for my siggy

Our adoption miracle born 12/31/13

06/2004 - Lap for endo and cysts
08/2006 - Lap for endo and cysts
02/2010 - Lap for endo, cysts, and hydrosalpinx repair
02/2011 - Lap for endo, cysts, and RSO
12/2011 - TAH and LSO
5/2012 - Lap for adhesions
4/2013 - Lap for adhesions
Stage IV endometriosis, sever adenomyosis, PCOS, IC
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August 29th, 2010, 05:13 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
With the first miscarriage, I felt like, okay, that sucks, but it was really early and I hadn't been really working hard at getting pregnant. I worried about it some but it did not put me in a deep dark place.

After the ectopic that almost killed me and reduced my fertility, I feel scammed. I feel like there was NO REASON for what happened. It was like the worst sh** luck I have ever had in my life. It just knocks me breathless sometimes when I think about it. It makes me question everything.

Now I worry that I will never have my own children. I worry that another attempt, another ectopic will kill me, and I will die childless. Or that I will just grow old trying and never succeeding.
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September 4th, 2010, 09:42 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 8,587
I worry that it will happen again. I worry that I'll develop a clot later in pregnancy and that it will kill the baby and/or me.

I'm trying to stay positive about getting pg again. I remember how easy Allison's pregnancy was and didn't have a single problem. I pray the next one is like that!
DS: 4
DD3: 9/19/14-10/19/14DS: 17months!

Mom to 4 beautiful kids! 3 on Earth and 1 in heaven. Our little girl, Matilda Hope had Down Syndrome. She was born with TMD, a disease that is like leukemia. She fought that and beat it. Then, she had liver failure. She beat that, too. On October 17, 2014 she had NEC, necrotizing enterocolitis. My baby went to Heaven on October 19, 2014. She lived exactly one month.
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September 9th, 2010, 10:05 AM
Micksbabe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,347
I am scared it will happen again, it is hard because after going through a perfect textbook pregnancy no one thinks they are going to miscarry.

Thank you Bokkechick for my gorgeous siggie

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October 28th, 2010, 11:10 PM
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Miami, Fl.
Posts: 148
I am totally terrified of getting pregnant again and losing my precious little one at 18 -19 weeks like i have the last two times. I am so grateful for my healthy son but i wouldn't want to leave him as a single child. I am also scared that it has something to so with my weight and my age (37).
130 BPM @ 6 wks 3 Days
170 BPM @ 11 wks 1 Day9/01/2010
160 BPM @ 14 wks 1 Days10/06/2010

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