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DH won't do it...

Forum: Done Having Children


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September 9th, 2010, 01:36 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Unceded land
Posts: 2,260
Have a vasectomy that is.

I don't know what on earth changed his mind but he is not a willing participant right now. He thinks we might want kids in the future.

There is no way (under any circumstance) that I am getting pregnant again. I do not want anymore children. Now I have to figure out what BC to use. Tubal ligation is not an option and neither is the Essure procedure. I am terrified of both of those. Hormonal methods are not under consideration either. I am basically left with NFP and barrier methods.

I don't know what to say to my DH. I thought we were on the same wavelength so I am at a total loss.

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September 10th, 2010, 03:53 PM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: In the West
Posts: 11,190
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Wish I knew how to help.

I had a tubal after my last was born...no regrets and no issues.

I think some men have a macho complex that comes out when they think about their manhood being messed with. My husband wouldnt do a V because of it. He said it would "hurt" LMBO. All I could do not to say DUH but it goes away in a day or two.

Maybe give him 6 mths or so and see what he says. Maybe he'll realize his(and your)hands are full and its all good stopping where you are at and no more kids are to be.

As for BC, I couldnt do hormonal either. Have you looked into the non-hormonal version of an IUD??
I bought some of those strips you insert that are spermicide but never got to use them.
There is the diaphragm too. And if your hubby really gives you attitude about it then tell him to wrap it up if he wants to play...shouldnt be all on you.

~My thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy and Lucy S for the blinkies~
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September 12th, 2010, 11:14 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 11,397
I wouldn't be too hard on him. There are a lot of serious risks that come with vasectomy. Guys aren't as open about sharing their experiences as women are - there's a lot of shame attached when their manly bits don't work as nature intended. So those who do experience the long term effects are often pretty silent about it. dontfixit.org and painaftervasectomy.blogspot.com are two sites trying to get the word out about the risks.

That said, modern types of NFP have higher effectiveness rates than barriers and on par with the rates for sterilization anyway. But without the risks. If you've never taken an NFP course or if it's been a long time since you did, maybe that's a good place to start? At least then you'd have all the up to date information before making a final decision. We tried a few different types of NFP before deciding on Billings because it's 99%. That's what we're doing and it's nice to work with our bodies the way they are. And it requires effort from both of us, not just one. I like that too.
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