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Forum: Done Having Children


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September 16th, 2011, 07:05 PM
CptStargel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 1,599
My name is Kendra, my DD is Madeleine. DH and I are having a slight disagreement. It took us 4 years to get pregnant, I got Pre-E in my 7th month of pregnancy, and Maddie was born not breathing, but came through well afterwards. I am 90% sure that I do not want to attempt to TTC or get pregnant ever again, but I do not want to do anything permanent in case I change my mind. DH really wants a 2nd in a year or 2, but he is being supportive of my current decision.

I am so sure that I do not want a 2nd that I have started selling and giving away Maddie's old clothes and toys and travel system that she has out grown. Is this bad? Should I keep it? How did you know you were done? I am not sure why I do not want a second. My pregnancy was not all that bad, I worked all the way up to my pre-e diagnosis and then had a nice break on bed rest. She wasn't breathing at birth, but 4 hours later was released back to our room and stayed with us the rest of our visit with no permanent issues. She is an awesome baby and I love her to death, but in my gut I feel like she is all we need and right now she is all I want.

I feel bad because DH wants a second and I feel I should consider it more. Did any of you have this conflict of DH wanting something different than you?

Thank you *Kiliki* for my amazing siggy!!!

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September 16th, 2011, 08:08 PM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: In the West
Posts: 11,190
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Welcome aboard!

Im Hillarie, married mommy to 3 boys.

I knew I was done when pregnant with #3. I just absolutely knew he was our last, he completed our family. I felt it deep within, I cant really explain it but it was just an absolute assurity that he completed us...that noone else was waiting to come to our home. I had blah pregnancies and ugly c/sections but none of that affected my decision...the only thing that did was that deep down knowledge.

My personal opinion on the topic(and Ive yet to say it cuz it can be very misinterpreted) is that noone should make a decision about whether to have more or not after a dramatic birth experience(or pregnancy) because emotions are high and unbalanced and there is so much going on that I dont think they can make a clear and for sure choice.

So my advice is to let it all sink in, enjoy your daughter(she's a cutie pie btw) and not fret about it just yet. I agree with you in that you should consider your husbands thoughts on the subject. Its good he's considering yours and aware of it and respecting it and, I believe, you should do the same.

As for selling the baby stuff...thats up to you really. Just cuz you sell it doesnt mean you are deep down ready to be done. I gave away a lot of my firstborns stuff even tho I knew we'd have more simply because I had friends who needed stuff and didnt have the funds and I also wanted to donate to Goodwill and stores like that because we werent rich or anything but we could afford some new clothes and I wanted those who couldnt to have cute stuff available...kwim?

~My thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy and Lucy S for the blinkies~
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September 17th, 2011, 08:08 AM
amberjolie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 884
Maybe since your DH wants another in a year or two (and not immediately), tell him that although you don't feel you want another baby, that you'll talk to him about it in another year, and see if your feelings have changed at all.

That way, the subject isn't completely closed yet, but that doesn't mean you have to have another baby either, if in another year or whatever timeframe you choose, you still feel the same.

Just don't think about it until then (either of you), and then when you do think about it, see what everyone's feelings are then.

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September 18th, 2011, 09:22 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110


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