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Is this a normal feeling

Forum: Done Having Children


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June 1st, 2012, 09:17 AM
MommytoMandL's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 825
Quick back ground on me

My name is Kayla, When I was pregnant with DD3 I developed a rare seizure condition and was told it would likely be unsafe to have more babies, much to our surprise in Sept 2011, We found out we were expecting again our little oopsie baby was due 5.27.12

DH was very sure he didn't want to find out the gender, I wanted to know, but I guess the baby agreed with him and at every single ultrasound we had baby was sitting in such a way we couldn't find out

my seizures got extremely bad and by the time I got in to see the neurologist i was suffering from 85 seizures a day, and started anti-seizure medications, he told me now that I am on the meds I should have my tubes tied, DH and I spoke and decided it would be best if we were done having little ones and decided I would have my tubes tied

well, I refused to believe this baby could be a girl, I was convinced it was a boy, I even refused to buy a girl coming home outfit, I ONLY bought a boy one, which was silly I know, but i just "knew" I stocked up on gender neutral and boyish things

on May 6th I had an emergency c section(breech baby and i was in labor) and our 4th baby girl was born, and my tubes were tied

Now i find myself loving her, but being, well, for lack of a better term, extremely heart broken that i'm done, by my own choice it is permanent and I have no baby boy, I set myself up for this hurt I know

My dh more or less has no interest in talking about this I get "It's fine, I'll have sons when our daughters get married" which doesn't help me work through it because he's the only one i want to discuss it with

Is it normal to feel like this?
Kayla (28)
Wife to Daren(33)
Mommy to M(9), L(5),A(2) and D (5.6.12)

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June 3rd, 2012, 07:56 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,385
I have 5 girls, but I've never been sad about not having sons (at the most I could say that I was a little bummed out after our third). I just really feel like I have who I am ment to have.

As far as being done, I knew my 5th was our last, and had my tubes tied when she was 16 months old, but I didn't actually ask for the appointment until she was 6 months old. Even though I knew I was done (SO done!!), I just needed some time to "grieve" that the baby having stage was over.

So yes, it's normal to feel like this, in a sense you're grieving (seems like a bit of a dramatic word, but I don't know how else to put it) that you're done having babies AND that you will not have that boy you were wanting to have. On top of this, your baby is still very little so you're tired and your hormones aren't back to normal yet, you've had a c-section, AND you've been not well during your pregnancy. That's a lot! Don't be too hard on yourself.

Ps. From one girly mom to another, when people say "poor dad" reply with "why?" and also, when you get asked if you're going to try for a boy ask the person asking if they plan to have any more children.
mom of 5 girls
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June 3rd, 2012, 04:08 PM
MomTo3LittleBoys's Avatar Love my house of boys!
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 3,764
Its normal :-)... I have two boys and at first i really wanted a little girl. we are trying to decide if we are done. DH says we are and hes prob right. I will always be a little sad that i never got my little girl and to dress her in pink etc but my first son is an exact clone of me and my 4 month old is an exact clone of my DH, so I feel like our family is complete and I was meant to just be a mom to two little boys. I think i would be more bummed if I had two girls and couldnt have any boys bc I grew up in a football family and around boy sports so I would be more sad about not having a son and I know DH would have been crushed. My BFF just had twin girls, so i will get my girl fix over there!
Love My House Of Boys!
DS1- 4 years old
DS2- 2 years old
DS3- Born 11/4/14
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June 4th, 2012, 04:25 PM
MommytoMandL's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 825
oh it kills me when people say "Oh I know the next one is a girl" it feels like they have stabbed a huge knife into me

I finally got DH to talk a little bit about it, and i'm a bit more at peace even though i'm pretty sure he just told me it's ok to make me feel better he even went so far as to tell me he doesn't like the family that have the name (we have cut off most of his family they are pretty much awful greedy people) so its not a concern of his and he is almost sure atleast one of our girls will hyphenate

still sucks that he got 4 daddies girls (which they all totally are) and i didn't get my momma's boy
Kayla (28)
Wife to Daren(33)
Mommy to M(9), L(5),A(2) and D (5.6.12)

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June 12th, 2012, 09:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Sitka
Posts: 8,182
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Hugs it is hard dh got snipped pretty shortly after dd2 was born and for different medical reasons it would be better for me not to carry any more babies and now that she is more independant ( she really colicy and nowonder as it turns out she is allergic to mycat) I look at her and cant help but feel sad about it my sister got her tubes tied 2 years ago and said it was about a year before she stopped going back and forth with that decision

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June 14th, 2012, 05:31 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110
I think its totally normal. We get asked all the time if we're going to try for (another) boy or if my DH wants "his" boy. DH was the one who said first that he was fine with the two girls. He loves being a girl daddy.

Thanks to Claire1979 for the amazing siggy.

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