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Horrible Thoughts..

Forum: Post Partum Depression


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April 12th, 2010, 11:11 PM
KiwiMommy's Avatar Ashlynn's Mama
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 3,863
I have OCD, which in itself causes thoughts I cannot control that seriously disturb me and can easily upset me. Before my daughter was born, they were mainly about pets and occasionally family. When I was pregnant, they were about miscarrying or losing her in some way, which bothered me a ton. Now that she's here, they're getting worse. I have thoughts of her being dropped, me falling on her, her dying while I'm asleep..or worse. I've had thoughts,which I would never ever ever act upon, of harming her. I don't say anything to anyone for fear that someone will start to watch me and fear for her life. I would never hurt her.
I thought maybe it was a sign of PPD, since I had depression before being pregnant and have not been on medication since..
I tried to ask my OB if I could be on meds and she made me feel horrible for asking. I'm exclusively breastfeeding and she told me that anything I take will be going straight to her. She said I don't need meds unless I'm seriously depressed, so I questioned myself and decided not to press it.
But the thoughts are driving me crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't worry that I'll accidentally harm my daughter..and when the thought enters my mind, a whole scenario plays out. I can see it happening, see the aftereffects..see everything in such detail that I all but freak out wanting it to STOP.
She's my daughter. The greatest thing to ever happen to me.. I can't stand these thoughts in my mind about things happening...

I figured maybe you ladies could help a bit, as I believe PPD has thoughts similar..
I don't know if it IS PPD or if it's just my OCD acting up more. And if I should further ask for medication, or if it will stop.
I can't even leave her anywhere but in my mothers care, and even then I worry endlessly. I'm scared to use my sling for fear of falling..and I see it happening every time I think of using it.
It doesn't keep me from functioning, but it bothers me often..

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April 13th, 2010, 06:37 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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I am not sure if that would be under OCD or just new mother worries. Although I will say that I was scared to death that something like what you talk about would happen with my first. I am still super paranoid only now it goes along with different senarios. I think what you are feeling is normal in some respects. I would see if you can talk with a different dr who might be more receptive. You do have to be careful of meds when you are exclusively BF but I thought there were somethings that you could take. I could be way wrong. I would keep an eye on it, try to get out, exercise, relax and as your daughter gets bigger you might find you don't worry so much. I think you have every right to worry though. I wish your dr hadn't been so negative about it. PPD is real and serious and not something to take lightly. I wish I had better advice or information for you. IF you have a GP that might work better than an OB.

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April 13th, 2010, 06:44 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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We are here if/when you need us. Let us know how you do.

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April 15th, 2010, 08:26 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,401
I don't really know where that falls either, but I agree with talking to another doctor. What about a psychiatrist or therapist that has experience with OCD and depression? I can tell you that I have similiar thoughts, almost daily. The whole scenario plays over in my head, to the point that I'll sit there crying just thinking about it all. I really couldn't tell you if it's gotten better or worse since I started medication, to some extent I do think it's normal for mothers to worry or have those thoughts.

There are actually a lot of medications safe to take while breastfeeding. I'm currently on Zoloft and I know there are several others that are recommended for breastfeeding mothers. Kellymom has some information on depression medications during breastfeeidng that I used to help me decide what to try.
kellymom.com :: Using Antidepressants in Breastfeeding Mothers
LactMed is also a good website if you have any specific medications in mind, you can look them up and see what studies have been done and what side effects have been reported with those medications: LactMed Search

Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk!
Andrea, mom to 3 beautiful girls - Abigail (8) Annabelle (6) and Alexis (3)

Expecting baby #4 in April - It's a BOY!

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August 17th, 2010, 04:12 PM
HailandNevansmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,990
i dont think those are just new mother worries when you are doing it 24/7 and the thoughts consume you in that way. I know the difference between the normal worries with my first, and the intrusive, scary, distressing thoughts ( that sometimes I wont even share with anyone ) with my second. However im not diagnosed as of yet. But ive finally after 2 years gone to seek help.. cuz its getting worse on the zoloft.

feel free to pm me as well.

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August 21st, 2010, 08:46 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,551
I also have these thoughts/ fears. The whole scenerio plays out. With my new baby and my older ones. I used to cry at night and beg God not to take my babies from me. I feel like I dont deserve them and they one day will be taken from me because of that. Everyday I have this happen several times a day. Crazy off the wall accidents that I know rationally are so rare. Rare but possible. I wish I could help or give you some good advice, but since I too am dealing with it I really cant. I understand though. I was on kolonpins before I got preggo and they helped so much with my anxieties but they are not safe while BFing at all. I do know a lot of meds are considered safe while BFing. If your doctor is making you feel bad for seeking help I say find a new doctor. Thats just not right. I remember breaking down in my doctors office when I got PPD with my second and just crying and saying I shouldnt feel this way, I shouldnt think these things and my doctor was so supportive even though I waited a year to tell him. I can't imagine if he had been the way your doc was.

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