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How do you live in the present and not the future

Forum: Post Partum Depression


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January 25th, 2008, 03:32 PM
spicymustard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: California
Posts: 10,684
I dont' think I have PPD, probably too soon to tell anyways but I have some baby blues and I think I'd rather post this here than in my ddc.

Do any of you ever worry about the future? It seems like thats all I do. Especially now that Lilly is here. I look at her and she is so sweet and innocent. She hasn't had any bad influences in her life yet and I worry about the time she'll be out in the world without me having people negitivily influence her. Everybody always says enjoy every moment with them while they are little becaues it'll go by quick. Well I alrady know that and every single time somebody says that to me I have to fight back tears becasue I'm afraid of her getting older. I work as a teacher at a public school and some of the things I see there amaze me. A lot of the kids there are angry, terrible kids and I'm so afraid shes going to turn out like that. Or my younger brother for example, who is 19 years old, just got into a car accident in October and ended up breaking his neck (it is healed now though) becaues he was drunk driving. I'm so afraid of her getting into trouble like that. Then I'm afraid of the day she turns 18 and moves out to go to college. Or I'm afraid shes going to be a person that wants to move across the country and live there permantly and I'll only get to see her once a year or something. I'm crying just typing this all out.

I guess my question is is how do you get yourself to enjoy the present instead of spending all your time worrying about the future? I know it does me no good to sit around the house all day crying about how shes going to grow up. I mean its eniveitable. It is going to happen.
Lilly 1-18-08 Oliver 3-1-11 Mollie 2-6-13

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January 25th, 2008, 04:17 PM
Shyflutterby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Aurora,CO
Posts: 6,833
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Hunny i think you just typed out what EVERY parent in the world is like. You know that eveyrthing around your child is going to influence her.......The people she is friends with, The music and the movies......But I must add as a daughter of a women very similar to you.......they will grow, and they will make mistakes, And they will learn from them. During this time and all the time in the future that you have with her as a child is what is going to matter the most. She is going to learn right from wrong and that may not always stop her from making that wrong choice.....but she's going to know it's the wrong one. And she's going to learn and grow from that. I am 30 years old, Divorced by one man, Got pregnant on a rebound. and now a single mother, working full time and barely making any money....I have made many wrong choices in the world and I will be the first to say that. I MESSED UP I MADE WRONG CHOICES......but because of those choices I have become a mother who understand that there will be wrong choices and bad things that happen. But I also understand that I will have the biggest impact on my DD. I will be the voice she hears in her head when sheis yelling at herself for making that wrong choice. And sometimes those choices end up in them getting hurt and even to death..........But you did everything you could to make them go in the right direction......you can't worry about the what if's and How comes......All you need to tell yourself is that She is here She is yours, and you will do right by her.......because one day she will do right for you too. So look into those peaceful baby eyes Smile and tell her that no matter what you will always be there for her, Even if she moves across the world and you don't get to see her often.......you will be there in her heart, her soul, and her blood. Tomorrow never comes hun......there's only today.......live and love for it alone!

I hope I helped even just a little bit you just had a life changing event, and you will think alot of different things for the rest of your life. Just remember your love for your baby.....and life will be perfect!

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January 26th, 2008, 10:56 AM
ericahex's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,241
What I do is learn about methods to teach inner discipline and encourage values such as honesty, good self-esteem, and supporting family. Whatever issues we may have had, my parents instilled for me a deep knowledge of their love and encouragement. I *know* I can always go to them if I need help, or just a break or someone to talk to. I know my family are the people I can always count on. I know they respect me deeply and support what I do.

So I want to pass that on to my son. I truly believe I can raise him to find his inner knowledge and discipline, so he will learn how to think, not just what to think. So he will learn about inner strength, that it's ok to make mistakes, but to be careful and thorough. I have a dream to raise my kids the best way I can. I want to give him the tools he needs to do what he can and become the best him he can be.

I focus on what I do in the present and how it creates his future - I examine what I say to him, how I interact, the time I spend with him. I maximize our now and trust that it will create a good future for him. I can't control everything, but I *can* do my very best to give him everything I can.

For me that means taking meds and learning about therapy for PPD. It means advocating to make sure he gets the medications he needs and that his emotional needs are met as well as his physical. It means learning about positive and gentle discipline, and even giving myself time and space to meditate and become a better person and thus better mama. It means making time to work on great family relationships between us and for him with his grandparents, great grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc. It means letting him make a mess, explore, have fun, and using attachment parenting to constantly show him I will always have a safe place for him in my heart. Like my parents do for me, I will always show him that no matter what the world brings he has a safe place to come home to.
Mama to Monkey born Feb 24th, 2007, and Toddler born Nov 1st, 2005.
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January 26th, 2008, 12:03 PM
Shyflutterby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Aurora,CO
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Very well put!!!

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