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Stressed about family issues..can I vent? its super long, im sorry :(

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July 27th, 2009, 01:12 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: I'm a husker girl :)
Posts: 16,336
As most of you know I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17, and being an only child raised in a single parent household that was a huge blow to me...emotionally and physically. I was never close with anyone else from my family - my mom was my world. I was 6 months away from 18 when she died which left me with two options - become a ward of the state and go into foster care, or let my uncle and aunt become my guardians. I chose my aunt and uncle, but they lived an hour and a half away from the city I lived in and had I transferred to their school district, credit wise I would have been a Junior. (I was a senior, 2 months away from graduation). So he made an arrangement for me to live with one of my mom's friends whose husband happened to be a teacher at my high school, so he knew someone would "keep an eye on me" all the time. So my relationship with my uncle became very strained based on that. I felt like I lost everything at once - my mom, my home, my dog, my family, my boyfriend dumped me because "I wasn't as happy as I used to be", and all of my friends stopped talking to me because they "didnt know how to act around me". This is when I started gaining tons of weight. I was 120lbs when my mom died....then my family whenever they saw me would start making snarky comment on my weight. I saw them three times between when my mom died and when I moved into my dorm at college - they came to my house the day of my high school graduation, but they did not actually go to my graduation (That I know of)...so after graduation all my friends are hugging their parents and getting flowers and I was just walking around aimlessly and finally just left by myself...drove around and finally went to the house I was staying at. Then I saw them the day of my college orientation because they had to come to sign papers and stuff, and then I saw them the day I moved into my dorm.
I made my college dance team and they never once came to see me dance, they never came to visit me at my dorm, nothing. During this time I met Sam and thank God for that...I was having tons of bad thoughts about suicide and things of that nature.
Well flash forward to Sam proposing. I told them right away that Sam proposed because I wanted them to maybe be a part of my life. During the engagement they were...I saw them several times, my aunt threw me a bridal shower, my uncle, Sam, and Sam's parents all got along really well and we would all get together and just go to dinner or something in the city.
The day of my wedding I gave this speech about how much we had been through and how much I loved that he was finally a part of my life and how much it meant to me to finally have a stable relationhip with him, etc. I cried, he cried, etc. The next morning the two families went out for brunch and I haven't seen or even really talked to them since then.
So they don't know I'm pregnant. Well, let me rephrase that. I'm sure they know because they have to handle my insurance until I'm 30 (my mom had it set up that way in her will) so all my prenatal care stuff has been sent to them I'm sure they know based on that. Plus I told their daughter when I was 15w along via a myspace email because I had gotten a new phone and really wanted her to call me. She never did.
I have emailed my uncle several, SEVERAL times telling him I had something I really need to talk to him about and would love to see him. I have sent him at least 10 emails just about getting together. He never replies, he never calls, nothing. We offered to go to their house, offered to meet them in the city (halfway between both our houses) and we have invited them out...nothing is ever mentioned.
So here I am four weeks away from my due date and I don't know what to do. I don't want to send him an email that says "oh by the way I'm 36 weeks pregnant"......i just dont know *** to do.

if you made it this far, i envy you. i know this is long and stupid...i just needed to vent or something....i am ridiciliously stressed....and this is only the issues im having with MY family. Doesn't even touch my issues with Sam's family! I have a feeling my BP is going to be amazing tomorrow....

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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July 27th, 2009, 01:24 PM
lil duckies mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Bothell,WA
Posts: 6,141
I am so sorry you have had to go though this. But they say things happen for a reason. You seem stronger. You have a loving man and a baby on the way. Your mom is watching over you I am sure. Just be strong.

Thank you Claire1979!
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July 27th, 2009, 02:43 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,430
I am sorry this is happening, but I look at it this way... DH family has not contacted us or seen us since we got married almost a year ago... I have tried countless times to get in contact with them and do things but nothing ever comes out of it...

So for MILs birthday DH sends a card in the mail with an u/s pic and he got no response of his mom or family.... We have come to the conclusion that they are the one's missing out on a life and family relationship with us, and that there is a reason that they are not making it to our future...

I do not nor does DH have time for drama like that... does it hurt well of course.. but what does not kill you only makes you stronger... I have come to know that if I was to see them in the future I would kill them with kindness so to speak and kill them with some hateful words that probably need to be said...

I know it is easier to sit here and say don't let this bother you, but if they have not made any attempts to try and make amends or contact with you, then let sleeping dogs lie, and realize they are missing out on something special and you have Sam.....
*9 weeks * 4/11/13
*5 weeks * 6/22/13
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July 27th, 2009, 05:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,033
I am sorry that you are going through this. Miss Brylie is going to be a little piece of heaven sent to earth that their lives won't be enriched by and that is all due to their lack of participation in your life. . . nothing to do with you, Sam or Miss Brylie.

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July 27th, 2009, 07:04 PM
Vicki...'s Avatar Mommy to Caleb & Ethan
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ravencliff WV
Posts: 13,919
I am so sorry you are going through this and I think I would not keep trying to set up to see them, you are worth far more than that, if they don't make the time then it's their loss, sorry that's just my opinion and girl please don't be stressing out too much it's not good for you or Brylie. Look at it this way, you have a wonderful husband who loves you and a lil girl who will be meeting soon who will also love you so very much and you won't have time for people who don't make you a priority, that's how i have to look at it, my family is distant to say the least also, i am actually closer to my mil than my mother so i have to dig for the positives sometimes especially right now

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July 29th, 2009, 07:09 AM
Army_Wife's Avatar Blessed times 3!
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northern Ohio
Posts: 16,994
I'm so sorry that things are like this with your family. I can only imagine how it hurts. I think there comes a point where you have to realize you've done what you could do. You've made your fair share of the effort, and you have to move on an concentrate on those relationships in your life that are positive. Right now your main concerns are Brylie and your health. And I think what I would do if it were me is wait until Brylie is born and send them an annoucement in the mail. No other letters/cards, just the annoucement, and see what happens. If they don't contact you after that, I say it truly is their lose. Sometimes it doesn't make sense why people act the way they do, and we could spend our whole lives trying to figure out what we've done wrong, when in reality, we've done nothing wrong.

Hopefully things get better soon. The last thing you need is to be stressed right now. Try to relax. *hugs*

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July 29th, 2009, 10:27 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 10,208
Chels, that sucks and it sucks that you have to go through all of this at what should be one of the happiest times of your life. If they have not responded to your attempts to contact them, then it is their loss. Just keep thinking about your little girl and what a wonder she is going to be.

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